“Yes. My body is fine. But my mind…” I shake my head.
I don’t tell her the other details about my seal or the fact that my days may be numbered. Even I haven’t come to terms fully with that. And perhaps it’s not too smart of me to tell my weakness to anyone—no matter how much I’d like her to be the only one to know.
But I’ve already told her too much. How is she going to look at me now?
Before, I was merely afriendwho came to the restaurant every now and then to discuss a book with her. Now… She knows some of my deepest secrets.
She nods thoughtfully for a while before speaking, “Is that why you came here so late?”
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” I admit shamefully.
Instead of saying something snarky—as I’d expect of most people at such a confession—she simply gets up. In a couple of steps she’s behind my chair. And before I can even react, she leans forward, placing her arms over my back, her head next to mine.
She’s… hugging me?
I freeze.
I don’t know how to react or what to do. This is more than two hands touching. Her body is so close to mine… Closer than anyone’s ever been. And I don’t know how to react.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
My heart pounds against my rib cage, swelling in size as if it wants to break free. Sweat covers my forehead and my palms.
I take deep, consecutive breaths to calm myself, but it’s not working. Her proximity is too much; her smell is too much; her warmth isdeadly.
“I’m glad you came here,” she whispers in my ear. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“We…are?”
“Of course! I consider you my friend.”
Friends. She thinks I’m truly her friend…
I’ve never had a friend before.
She squeezes me gently—a gesture of comfort, but it does the opposite to me.
All the hairs stand up on my body. Something else does, too.
Embarrassment fills me to the brim. My neck and cheeks flame up, now a deep shade of red.
“Uh… Uhm…” I stutter as the situation becomes more urgent.
Suddenly, I stand up. She startles back, her eyes bewildered.
“Can you point me to the restroom, please?” I quickly say, not daring to meet her gaze.
“Yes, it’s the next door over?—”
I don’t let her finish before I dash out of that small room and into the restroom next door. Inside, I lock the door and prop my back against it, breathing hard.
Slowly, my eyes go down my body to where something is tenting the material of my pants.
That… That’s never happened before. I may be usually ignorant of things, but I have at least read up aboutthisand what it means.
Physiological response to excitement. Lust.
Sweat gathers over my forehead as I become more anxious by the second.
