But…
I’m not in a place to trust someone blindly. Not after everything that happened. And Nykander may have been nothing but nice to me, but doubts still linger.
Why would he go so far for someone he barely knows?
Why would he charge into a minefield to save me?
As much as I’d love to believe it’s from the kindness of his heart, I’ve lived long enough to know there’s no such thing as unconditional kindness.
Sooner or later he would want somethingelsefrom me. And if I’m honest to myself, it’s the thought of that moment coming, where he would decide to take me anyway that scares me the most. Not only because I would be helpless against him, but because once that happened there would be no turning back; there would be no forgetting or moving past it. The moment that happened, my image of him would shatter forever, and I…
I’d rather keep him in my mind as the kind guy who gave me hope when everyone else let me down. I don’t think I could bear it if he, too, disappointed me.
My mind made up, I quickly wash and turn the water off before putting my clothes back on. Opening the door, I tiptoe around the hallway until I reach the room he gave me. Onceinside, I change into another clean dress and pack everything else neatly in the bag.
Then I wait.
An hour goes by. Then two. Then three.
Finally, I no longer hear any noises around the house, so hopefully Nykander is asleep.
My heart is in my throat as I sneak out of the room and tiptoe around the hallway. I’m already trying to think of excuses to use in case he catches me, though none of them encompass the entire truth of the matter: that I’m a vulnerable female alone in the house with a male.
Just as I walk by his door, a sudden growl startles me. I jump up, scared out of my mind.
Frozen on the spot, I hear a few more noises: some sound like pained cries, while the others are guttural growls. Still, there’s no movement behind the door.
Perhaps he’s having a nightmare.
Yes, that’s it. He’s still sleeping, so I can slip away.
A few deep breaths later, I start moving again.
When I make it to the living room, I almost give myself a pat on the back for getting this far. Yet all throughout, the noises coming from Nykander’s room continue. Sometimes, they’re so loud, they resound through the entire house.
I glance back, pity and compassion fighting for supremacy in my chest.
What could he be dreaming of that is so bad? That he’s howling in pain?
Is it recurrent? Is this something that happens to him often?
I shouldn’t ask these questions. I don’t need to know the answer to them—it would only impact my already-made decision.
So I force myself to look forward and continue on my way.
Before I know it, I’ve opened the entrance door and exited the house.
I did it!
So why don’t I feel victorious?
My feet are glued to the ground, unable to move. Another pained cry echoes from the house. My heart flips in my chest, but it’s not from fear. It’s from…regret.
Suddenly, disappointment ricochets in my chest, and none of it is toward him—it’s towardme.
Here I am, stealthily trying to run away while the person who saved me is in pain.
He said he took something to enhance his strength, didn’t he? All to saveme!
