His words may say that, but his face only appears hurt. That’s twice today that I’ve hurt him.
I thank him for listening and then dart out of his shop, not wanting to risk hurting him further.
Chapter 6
Abraham's POV
What is wrong with me?
I thought I was cured of this disease once I got rid ofhim. No more temptation meant no more sinful thoughts.
At least that was true until Rami came into my store almost eighteen months ago. You could almost see the storm cloud over his head, created from life constantly beating him down. He’s so unlike anyone else from this town that I instantly found myself drawn to him. Like he was the sun I’d been waiting for all my life.
But they do say history has a tendency to repeat itself.
And here I am making the same mistakes.
You deserve to be loved.The words echo in my head like a promise, but I shake my head to try and dislodge the voice.
Reaching behind my head, I grab the collar of my T-shirt and slip it over my head. My eyes never leave the wooden crucifix onthe wall. Undoing my belt, my jeans are the next thing to go and join my shirt on the nearby chair.
I wish I could bejust the bookshop guy, like Rami sees me as. Maybe in a past life I could have been more easygoing, been the person Rami deserves to love.
No!
Those are the thoughts that bring me here now. They are the bane of my existence, following me like a black cloud. Tainting everything I thought was good in my life.
I like who you are,the voice purrs in my ear.
“Did you handle those boys like I asked?” I pry, already knowing the answer since I never felt them leave me at any point.
Everything is as it should be,they answer vaguely.
I scoff and roll my eyes because that clears up nothing.
“Leave me. This I do alone,” I bark. I must atone alone and don’t need their taunts in my ear. Their stance has been made quite obvious.
Once I feel the emptiness that tells me I’m alone, I grab the jar of grits off the hanging shelf below my hand-carved cross, and sprinkle a liberal amount across the floor. Returning the jar, I light the small candle on the shelf and kneel before Him. The small pieces of grits dig into my bare knees painfully, but any shifting of my weight only results in them digging in even further.
“Though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Forgive my transgressions and give me strength to overcome my temptations. For the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit, I shed my sinner’s blood for thee. To be purified in Your divine light.”
After I finish my prayer, I retrieve the leather flogger from the shelf. I squeeze the handle tightly, feeling the braided materialdig into the flesh of my palm. In one quick motion, I whip my arm backward until the flogger slaps against my back.
I continue my penance, gritting my teeth and hissing through the agony that reminds me that I’m unworthy of His love—I’m unworthy of anyone's love—for thirty lashes on each side.
Standing on shaky limbs, I wipe the grits from my now bloodied knees, clean the flogger of my blood, return it to the shelf, and sweep up the floor.
Bending over to blow out the candle stretches out my achy back and causes me to cry out in pain. It’s all proof that my penance has been paid. Feeling lighter, I hesitantly step into the shower and brace myself for the sting of the hot water to wash away my sins.
Rami is my friend andonlymy friend.
Chapter 7
Rami's POV
Abraham kissed me.
What the fuck?
