“Wasn’t that fairly common back then?”
His eyes eventually turn to me, showing them pinched tightly together. Pain blossoms in those saddened brown eyes. “Not terribly common, no. There were, of course, plenty like him who bastardized their beliefs to ostracize those different from them.”
I nod, knowing those words to be true based on my experiences. “I wish I could say that the world is more enlightened now. Honestly, it is in some places, but not everywhere. Sadly, those who are different still get treated unfairly.”
“Tell me about your life before,” Adriel asks, his eyes wide, hopeful.
I lean back on my hands and stare up at the stars overhead. I’ll never get used to how beautiful it is.
“So, I told you I basically raised myself. We frequently changed schools as my mother ran from one boyfriend to the next. It forced me to be the new kid so much that staying in one place for too long makes me feel uneasy. At first, she made it out to be an adventure. And I was too young to know any better. But as I got older, I never actually fit in anywhere ‘cause I wasn’t from anywhere. So, the other kids bullied me.
“It’s why I was in school studying to be a school counselor. I want to be that someone I didn’t have as a kid, and I thought the schools would be the perfect place to enlist change in the world. Let them know how wonderful their differences were. Now I’m not so sure that’ll ever happen.”
Sadness and frustration that I try to keep a tight lid on burn the backs of my eyes and clog my throat. I blink away the welling tears each time they block my view of the stars. But it’s a losing battle. A future I fought so hard for, taken away in an instant.
The need to make it happen anyway settles like a heavy weight on my chest. I owe it to young-Rami who didn’t have someone to fight for him.
“Because you’re trapped here?”
I nod and quickly wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. Trapped is an excellent way to describe my time here. I turn to see Adriel’s shoulders rounded and his head drooped forward. Here I am complaining about my life when he has been cursed to live this life for eternity. My situation suddenly feels a little less dire once in perspective.
Wow, now I feel like a whiny child who didn’t get what their way. Returning my focus onto the endless cosmos above me, I realize just how piddly my problems really are. It’s been so long, I wonder if I evencando better.
Another look at Adriel’s crestfallen expression, and I know I have to try to do better. I owe it to my future students who need my best.
“Are these schools not riddled with, what’s the word?” He trails off and scratches along his jawline as he thinks. “Assholes?”
I can’t help the chuckle that bubbles from my throat even though it comes out blubbery-sounding. Sniffing in a very undignified way, I wipe away the last few tears as I continue to laugh.
Adriel’s face, bless his heart, scrunches up in confusion. When his head cocks to the side in that adorable way he does, I laugh even harder.
“Is that not the correct term?” he questions, raising a single brow.
I have to hold my side as I try to rein in the bouts of laughter. It’s not like he can help it which is why I think it’s so precious. Clearing my throat, I finally manage to pull myself together. “Asshole is correct,” I assure him. “And the schools everywhere are full of them, but the schools here are all Christian schools and they’d never hire an openly gay man to work in them.”
Which is illegal, so I’m certain they’d twist it to look like I’m not qualified enough. However, if I really want to make the most difference, perhaps those children need more people like me around.
“Their loss,” Adriel hums. “You shouldn’t give up your dreams just yet.”
His words are like both ice water over me and a balm to my frayed thoughts. They remind me so much of what Yasmine told me. A bright and promising future. It may look different from what I originally pictured, but it’s still possible. If I can gain my freedom, prove to the courts with my honors-level GPA and maybe even job prospects. I can finally earn my freedom. And then I can start fresh in a place that accepts me, where I can be there for those who need it.
So, the future isn’t really any different. But the road to get there has taken some bizarre twists and turns.
“Where’d you go?” Adriel asks quietly, stealing me from my thoughts.
When I turn my head, I realize he has slid closer to me at some point. His hand hesitantly reaches out to touch me, and I can’t help but smile. I love how much he can’t keep his hands off me.
“Imagining what life would be like with my freedom.”
Adriel pulls away from me, and I want to yank him back. But I don’t, not wanting to cause him physical pain. It’s almost as if a dark cloud has settled over him. I think back to what I said that could have triggered him.
And then it hits me. Freedom.
He’s trapped even more so than me.
“I won’t stop until we’re both free,” I reassure him.
Based on how tight his muscles are, I don’t think he believes me.
