“Yes,” I squeak and cringe. Taking a sip of tea, I let the warmth seep into my soul and beg it to take the pain away. “I went out with some friends one night after crushing my exams that week. I was floating on a high.”
I smile, remembering how ecstatic I felt. There had been so much studying that a night of fun was well-earned.
“As usual, I remained in control. I drank more water than alcohol. With my mother having had substance issues, I never wanted to put myself in that situation. I wasnotmy mother.
“But the night took on a new twist when someone pulled out a bag of ‘shrooms. I was adamantly against it at first. However, the high I was riding on felt like the perfect opportunity. Tack on being surrounded by friends who assured me a small dose for my first time would be harmless. Turned into a perfect storm, and I had an extreme reaction to them.
“The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital after having slit my wrists.” Tears blur my vision at the memory. “It’s gotten better over the past two years, but for the longest time the panic still flared up at random. The memory of that night haunted me for a long time. But by the time I got back to normal, my life was already out of my hands. And everyone I thought was my friend had abandoned me.”
Well, not everyone. Sawyer was always there when I needed him. Each of those precious stolen moments in the hallway as he checked on me whenever I needed it. Or when I awoke in the hospital and his hand wrapped around mine was the first thing I saw. He was there. No matter what. His strong arms a shield against the rest of the world.
“Except for Sawyer,” I say softly, clearing my throat to continue. “He was a professor at my school. Though he hadn’t been my professor in a year, we still had to keep our relationship a secret. I’m the one who broke it off with him. I didn’t want to drag him down with me. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still see the hurt look on his face. And it crushes me.”
My nostrils flare as I attempt to rein in my frazzled emotions. Tears drip past my defenses, landing on the backs of my hands.
“I’m not strong, Adriel,” I garble through my tears, shaking my head. “Not worth anyone's pain.”
A warm hand presses into my back, scalding the skin beneath my T-shirt. Reminding me I’m not alone and I just spilled my guts to the guy I have the biggest crush on. Though claiming it as a crush, even just in my head, feels like I’m doing our connection a disservice.
A self-deprecating chuckle blubbers from my lips as I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hand. I push up from my seat, barely choking back the sobs that refuse to subside. Taking another step away from Adriel, I attempt to create more distance between us before he turns me away. Brush me off like everyone else has done.
“Wait.” Adriel’s deep tone is sharper than normal, making me halt my retreat.
His large, warm hand returns to my back, sending a shiver down my spine from anticipation.
“You don’t get to tell me what I should do or feel.”
I want to cry when he removes his hand, but when his strong chest presses into my back, I lean into it. His breath blows against my ear, his lips mere millimeters from touching the shell.
“Magical mushrooms should only ever be monitored by a witch. Your friends were imbecilic and don’t deserve your frustration. I am sorry for all the pain you have been through, but I also can’t be too mad about it. Because it’s made you into one of the strongest men I’ve ever encountered. And because it brought you to me. My existence was mundane before you fell into my life.”
His hands settle on my hips and force me to turn so that I’m facing him. Adriel lowers his head until our noses are nearly touching and his eyes are searing into mine.
“I can’t promise you much beyond my reach, but I will give you everything I can. Despite my best attempt to keep you at arm’s length, you own a part of my heart I didn’t know I still had.”
Tears pool along my lower lashes, spilling down my cheeks. “Adriel.” His whispered name sounds like a plea falling from my lips.
Carefully, his fingers tangle through my hair, preventing me from escaping—not that I’m going to go anywhere. Anymore. “Rami.” A shiver of electricity runs through my body, his power tickling along my skin and enveloping me into his hold.
Chapter 35
Adriel's POV
My magic settles around us. His name is a literal spell on my lips.
The precious gasp that falls from those luscious lips that I now know are as kissable as they look makes me harden instantly in my trousers. Needing to feel him, I step around him and he follows until his back presses against the nearby tree. I press my engorged member against him, rocking my hips against his. When his erection rubs against mine, I nearly come undone then and there.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Rami begs breathlessly.
I back up, thinking he needs space. He did just pour his heart out to me. And here I am trying to be indecent with him while his emotions are so raw.
But he doesn’t let me get far. His fingers tangle in my shirt and halt my steps from getting too far.
“I don’t want to finish in my pants again. I need to feel you inside me,” he nearly whines. “Fuck, why didn’t I bring a toy you could fuck me with.”
My mouth goes dry as I try to imagine such a contraption that will allow us to be intimate with one another.
An idea sparks to life as I slowly back my way into my home. Rami refuses to release me, so he follows along. A sly smirk curls up my lips while his gaze darkens with lust.
