“That sounds pathetic,” I snap at her, feeling the resentment and pain from the years of being isolated bubbling to the surface. “You paid your debt. You saw me. You apologized. You let me have a couple of rounds of what it would be like to have you, and that’s all I get. We both know what’s going to happen.”
Well, or at least,Iknow what’s coming now.
And maybe it was always the plan from the start.
I’m a waste of space in this goddamn world now that the loose ends have been tied.
“Noah, you don’t mean that.”
“No,” I step closer to her, brushing her hair from her face out of instinct. “That’s the problem. Ido.And after all these years, I can confidently say, you don’t knowmeanymore. I’m not the kid you grew up with. I lived a whole ass life since you, and maybe you were it for me. Maybe you’re the closest thing to love I’ll ever know, but this is it. Go home.”
She folds her arms across her chest. “No. We’re running.”
“No, we’re not.”
“We could have a good life.”
“Not in this one.” I plop down in the sand, and then gaze up at her, my chest constricting with the immense desire to pull her close again. “I’ll catch you in the next round.”
“Just think about it. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I need to pack.”
I want to tell her it’s a waste of time, and threaten not to be here when she returns, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just nod, and then watch her climb out of the ravine with the same ease she’s always had.
I squeeze my eyes shut as soon as she’s out of sight, letting the grief wash over me.
Because I won’t be here when she comes back.
21
I seethe lights before I hear the dogs, the red and blue glowing in the night sky, as I break through the trees. My heart sinks deep in my chest, a U.S. Marshal leading a dog on a leash around to the back porch of my house.
The dog lets out a bark, the kind I recognize as hitting a scent.
“It’s hot!” the handler calls out.
Fuck. Oh fuck.
Every instinct I have screams for me to turn around and run back to Noah, to get him out of here—to help him down the bluff to the shores below. However, if I do that, I can’t drive him out of here, either.
Please be running, Noah. Please hear them coming for you.
“Hey!” Someone suddenly shouts. “Hands up! Hands up!”
I whip my head around the yard, expecting to see Noah from somewhere, but I don’t. And by the time I reconcile that thought, I realize they’re talking tome,guns drawn.
I raise my hands, slowly and intentional, terror ripping through my body.
“Get those hands up!” one of the Marshals shouts, heading toward me with his gun still pointed in my direction.
“Okay, okay,” I choke out, my entire body trembling from the sudden cold. “I’m unarmed. Don’t shoot. I live… I live here.”Sort of.
The red and blue light bounces off the trees, slicing through the darkness as the shadows of officers make their way toward me. The wind carries a sharp bite, and the growl from the dog vibrates under my feet, but I do my best to steady myself.
The longer I distract them, the more time it gives Noah.
“Ma’am, keep your hands where we can see them!” one of the Marshals shouts, as he finally gets within a few feet of me. He lowers his weapon, but I leave my hands in the air, just in case.
I breathe in deeply, trying to calm the way my pulse is pounding in my ears. “I’m… I’m not sure what’s happening right now.” I eye the closest Marshal, and then the other, who’s got the dog—and is barking at me.
