“I went to rich kid parties, had a girlfriend.”
“Oh?” I hate the fact that I feel jealous of that.
“Yeah, she was all into me until I decided I wanted to join the Army, instead of going to the fancy fucking college the doctor wanted to send me to.”
“And you joined?”
“No.” He falls silent.
“Why?” My eyes jump back to him, but his gaze is still away.
“My dad died.”
“The doctor?”
“No, mydad.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” I hate how much I do—anddon’t—relate to him. “I’m sure that was really hard.”
“Yeah, he bit it on a drug run. Crashed his Road King right into the damn guardrail.”
“Oh…” I swallow hard, the nonchalance difficult to respond to, but the fear of him going silent is much worse.
“Yeah, so I blew off enlisting to go join the Iron Traitors and figure out who I was. Tommy Anders would always be my biological father, and I guess there’d been so much…time… between the abuse and his death…” His voice trails off, but he picks up before I can say anything. “I just wanted to feel connected to that side of me. I had a reckless streak, and mymom was fucked up on pills all the time, while the doctor fucked whoever he wanted. I hated that life, too. I guess the Club was some sort of self-discovery or something.”
I nod because my heart hurts for him. “And then…”
“Then you murdered Matthew Zendetti, your father framed me for it,” his voice turns icy. “And I would’ve spent the rest of my life in prison unless I did what I’m doing now.The end.”
I nod because I can’t find the words to say anything else to him. He could’ve found himself, healed from his dad’s death, and then moved on to having a good life…
But I happened. And I wish I hadn’t.
17
NOAH
What happensif she doesn’t pay that ticket?I run a hand over my face as Rue pulls into the gas station outside of a grocery store, the night in full swing. I lean toward the center of the car, clocking that it’s almost one o’clock in the morning.
And we arenotoff to the best start.
Maybe we should’ve waited until the morning.
I watch her through the back passenger window, her arms wrapped around her body. She’s still in those gray pajama pants and oversized white T-shirt. To most, she probably just looks like an exhausted overnight traveler.
And I wish that’s all she was. But it’s too late for that.
Beyond just that fact alone, I have no fucking clue how we’re going to make those four hundred dollars last, even if she keeps using her credit card. And also, what kind of fucking man lets a woman run up her credit card, when he’s just gonna dump her off anyway?
Goddamn, I’m a sad excuse of a man. I need to fix this.
“Are you hungry?” Rue leans back in through the driver’s side, her lips pursed in a flat line. “I can run in and get food?”
I mull it over, and then finally nod. “Yeah, we probably need food, but nothing cold if you can help it. And I need a hat.”And a gun.
She nods at me and then exits the car, shutting the door. I sit there, Bullet in the front seat, both of us peering after Rue as she heads into the twenty-four-seven store. It’s empty, really fucking empty, and I hate the fact that I’m sending her into it.
But she deserves this,my inner voice tries to argue, but it just doesn’t fucking land right now. Nothing about this shit lands right anymore.
