Cassie’s heart ached and she understood him in a way she never had before. She recognised the strength he’d had to draw on to perform, when as a teenager his stammer had sometimes left him struggling to communicate. She found his hand, winding her fingers between his. The moments moved on, and she wanted to hold on to this one forever.
‘Thanks for listening.’
‘Anytime.’ And she meant it; she couldn’t avoid him if he needed her.
‘I wanted to tell you about the house in Hartfell, and I’m sorry you found out the way you did.’ Raf was staring at their entwined fingers on the sand. ‘I heard today that Allegra’s managed to get the vendor to agree to my renting it for six months while I make up my mind about buying it.’ He paused. ‘And now you’re not going to be here for the summer, I thought that maybe you might like to spend it in Hartfell instead? The house is big enough for all of us.’
‘I’m sorry?’ Cassie laughed, because what other reply was there? ‘Spend the summer in your new house? With you?’
‘Is that such a terrible idea?’ He smiled and she was searching for a way to refuse without revealing the truth. That she simply couldn’t put herself in his way for weeks on end and constantly disguise feelings that were growing day by day.
‘Isla can see Harriet, help with the horses. And I’d be around to ride with Rory, and we could do some stuff together, the four of us.’
‘That’s so generous of you, Raf,’ she exclaimed. ‘But I can’t let them think they can come and go from your house whenever they want.’
‘So you don’t think Isla and Rory would like it?’
Her childrenwouldutterly love it; that was the problem. And Cassie wasn’t sure how she would get through another London winter without the space and calm she relied on each summer in Galloway.
‘Jas is taking them to my mother’s for a few days in August,’ she said quickly. For one week every year, her mother was the perfect and attentive grandmother, and the children adored staying at her glorious villa high above the Amalfi Coast. This would be the first time they went without Cassie, and the plan still filled her with trepidation. Her mother – who couldn’t bear to think of herself as a granny and would only answer to ‘Gigi’ – insisted they were perfectly old enough to manage without her, and it was only because Jas was travelling with them that Cassie had even agreed in the first place. Jas she trusted with her children, her mother not so much.
‘I do appreciate the thought and it’s so kind of you, as ever.’ She bit her lip. Surely she was imagining that his eyes were telling her more, that he wanted to please her too. ‘I’ll only be taking a couple of weeks off work, and I was thinking of camping in France for a change. I can’t impose on Fiona and Gordon with the move; they’ll have enough to do. And I don’t want to be in your way.’
‘You won’t be. And I’ll be spending more time in Hartfell anyway,’ Raf replied casually. ‘Kenny and Vince from the pub have asked me to invest in a distillery they’re taking on, so we’re going to be business partners. They thought I might be interested, and I plan to be involved in the day-to-day.’
‘Okay, and wow!’ Cassie hoped she had hidden the hurt that he hadn’t shared this with her before now. Perhaps he had tried, and she’d fended him off as usual, making some excuse about being too busy to see him. But he needed something else after the band, and she’d simply have to get used to it.
‘Congratulations, how exciting. You really are setting down roots. A new businessanda new home.’ Her eyes were shimmering, and she blinked. He wouldn’t be in London as much as before. ‘Does Rory know?’
‘No. I was going to tell him once I’d spoken to you. I thought maybe we could do that together?’
‘I think that would be good.’ She tried to balance her relief over Raf being out of reach against Rory’s disappointment.
‘Cassie, this doesn’t mean I won’t see him or Isla.’ He squeezed her fingers before letting go, and she was glad. It was difficult enough to think straight when he was close, much less if he was touching her. ‘Or you.’
‘What about Norfolk? Won’t you miss being by the sea? You always loved it there.’
She thought of the open expanse of beach merging into unending skies backed by sandy dunes, a place he’d often escaped in between travelling. But he always returned to London. Always. The city was a part of him, its vibes and the hustle, the music scene and the clubs he used to frequent, and Cassie couldn’t imagine him leaving it fully behind.
‘Yeah, probably. But I’m selling the cottage.’
‘Seriously? But what about your writing? I thought Norfolk was your inspiration, your muse?’
‘Those songs are just for me, no one else.’ He shrugged. ‘If I carry on, I can write wherever I am.’
‘If? But you love writing music.’ Something she had known for a long time.
‘Yeah, but Dad doesn’t use the cottage now and I haven’t spent much time there recently. I thought maybe I should let it go and try somewhere new.’
‘Raf?’ Cassie laid a hand on his arm, her voice barely more than a breath. Her fingers were pale against the tattoos, telling the story of his life and those he loved. ‘I hope one day you’ll share your music. I hope you know how wonderful a musician you really are. That you earned your place in the band and you’re brilliant.’
‘Thank you.’ He shifted, so her hand fell away, his eyes somewhere else entirely. ‘I wanted to say that we’ve always been friends, and I hope that will never change. We’ve both apologised for what happened in Australia, and I think you’re right. We should move on and put it behind us.’
‘You do?’ The relief wasn’t as overwhelming as the disappointment, but it was absolutely the right course of action. ‘But what you said last night, that you couldn’t get it…’
‘Forget what I said. It doesn’t matter.’
Chapter Eight
