‘I have to go,’ she said shakily. Her arms felt cold without his hands on them, her heart bereft at what she had to do.
‘Cass…’
‘Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, Raf,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Chapter Thirteen
Gradually Cassie’s days eased into a new routine, one where she took Flynn out early for long walks while Rory and Raf cycled together, and Isla went to Home Farm to help Harriet. Then Raf settled to work, something Rory teased him for, unused to this more professional version of his godfather. After spending some time working on ideas for the distillery brand, Cassie made sure she was around for the children in the afternoons, even if they sometimes made plans which didn’t involve her. She included Alfie and Jacob whenever possible too, visiting a ruined castle, a museum about life in the Dales and a theme park an hour away. They had a blast, on and off rides all day, and at home she kept the fridge stocked to feed whoever was around at mealtimes. Her mind was slowly detaching itself from the pressures of her career, and if she wasn’t uncomfortably aware of her feelings for Raf, she would be as close to content as she felt it was possible to be.
Rory was full of plans for a fishing trip with Gordon once his grandparents had returned from their holiday in Bath, and Cassie was looking forward to helping Fiona straighten out their new house. Soon Isla and Rory would be heading to Italy with Jas, and her anxiety flared every time she thought of it. They were so excited about spending a week with their grandmother, and Cassie couldn’t quite picture those days without them yet, the change in routine and responsibility she wasn’t used to.
Already London was fading into the past, distant and separate from the lives she and the children were living now. Their Galloway holidays had brought an escape from the city, but Hartfell was different again, especially without the prospect of returning to her job. She made sure to remind herself that this summer was an interlude, a pause on their usual commitments. But it didn’t always feel that way, when she woke to the view from her bedroom window every morning and escaped outdoors with Flynn, absorbing the beauty of the landscape until it seemed to have seeped into her bones.
She joined Pippa and a small group of women who met early one morning each week to connect and make space beyond the demands of their everyday lives, their walks often including a wild swim and a bite to eat together afterwards. Cassie missed her sea swims, and she found the river bracing and sharp, but invigorating and energising too. Company on these mornings was a given, conversation optional, and everything they shared remained within the group. Each woman had experienced loss, health issues and family difficulties in some form, and she was grateful to have been made welcome and have the opportunity to share some of her own story.
Friday and the launch of Jago Lynch’s new work at the gallery arrived, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing him again. She was looking forward to supporting Pippa at the event, and celebrating another milestone in the gallery’s development, but there were nerves, too. Jago had sent her a message letting her know he was looking forward to catching up, and that he hoped she would find his work and the evening of interest. She liked his tone, keeping things vaguely professional and not too personal. She also privately agreed with Pippa that hewashot, something she hadn’t shared lest her best friend ran away with the knowledge. But still Cassie couldn’t get her head around the thought of a future date with someone new; it just didn’t seem to fit. And although Jago might be a good place to start if he was interested, she was also aware of Pippa’s professional relationship with him and wanted to avoid muddying any waters.
Waking early, an idea had dropped into her mind about Raf’s birthday. Pippa loved it when Cassie messaged to share her thoughts, and they decided to keep the theme a surprise. It wouldn’t be the big party he’d wanted to avoid, but a fun evening she hoped he would enjoy. Tonight Harriet and Alfie were coming over to keep Isla and Rory company while she and Raf were at the launch, and she would leave a chilli in the slow cooker so they could help themselves. Raf was planning to go straight to the gallery after a meeting at the distillery with Kenny and their small on-site team.
With Isla spending the day with Harriet at Dorothy’s, helping bring in the store of next winter’s hay into the barns, Cassie distracted herself from thoughts of seeing Jago by taking Rory and Jacob to an unusual garden set in the grounds of an old house, transformed by tunnels, follies and underground chambers. The boys loved it, and she was happy to wander round at her own pace and leave them to explore on their own.
Back at the house, she got ready for the evening ahead. Pippa had arranged caterers for the launch and Cassie couldn’t face a thing to eat before she left, the teenagers tucking into a first portion of chilli and nachos. Raf had offered to collect her, and she had said not to, that she would be fine walking to the village, something she half regretted when she set out in her wedged espadrille sandals. Most days now she was in boots or trainers, another switch from her working life.
When she arrived the gallery was already busy, with guests milling around the ground floor and admiring Jago’s wildlife sculpture, cleverly positioned by Pippa and her assistant. Waiting staff offered drinks and canapés and Cassie accepted a glass of champagne as she sought out Pippa, finding her in the largest of the two galleries with Jago beside her. The two women embraced, and Cassie turned to greet him, holding her glass awkwardly. She’d chosen her black-and-white summer dress with care, and suddenly she felt too visible, too aware of his scrutiny and unused to attention from someone she barely knew. She hadn’t dated since her early university days before she and Ewan got back together, and the disconnect from those few months felt insurmountable as she batted away his compliment about her appearance. Her heels added a little extra height, and her gaze was level with his, something else she wasn’t used to. She made herself shake away more comparisons with Raf; everything was different with him.
‘Congratulations, Jago, your work is stunning and there’s clearly lots of interest.’ She froze at the unfamiliar pressure of his hand on her shoulder when he leant forward to kiss her on both cheeks. She couldn’t fault his own appearance, a well-cut plum jacket worn over a crisp white shirt and indigo jeans.
‘Thank you, Cassie. It’s so good to see you again,’ he said, his hand still on her shoulder. She shifted fractionally, and it fell away. ‘Pippa tells me you’ve been instrumental in getting half these people here.’
‘Oh, hardly.’ She swallowed some more champagne as Pippa’s attention was claimed elsewhere. Raf was driving them home later, so she was safe to enjoy a drink. ‘I just contacted a few people I know. Your work is clearly the main attraction and speaks for itself.’
It was the right thing to have said, and his smile became a grin. Was she imagining that he’d drawn himself a little higher, too? Probably, and she instinctively took a half step back when he leant in.
‘Duty calls. I think I spot one of my collectors.’ He winked, and she nodded quickly. ‘But let’s catch up later, yes? I’d love to show you around properly.’
‘That sounds nice.’ She refrained from pointing out she could see most of his work from where she stood. She’d agreed in the spirit of moving on and testing the dating pool, as it were. She wandered out to the terrace and found Edmund, happy to catch up on his news as they chatted about the village and how she was enjoying the summer here so far.
She didn’t need to see Raf to know the moment he arrived. A murmur flew through the crowd, and she stilled as every single sense flared into complete awareness of his presence. He spotted her above the heads in between and grinned before greeting those he knew, instantly waylaid by a crowd clamouring to say hello. Whether it was the band, his years modelling or just his fame, Cassie had no idea. He carried an aura and a vitality that drew attention with ease, and almost every eye, including her own, was on him. It had only been a few hours since she had seen him, so how could she possibly have missed him? Then Allegra was there, kissing Raf on both cheeks before introducing the older couple, presumably her parents, hovering nearby.
Cassie was caught staring when his gaze sought her out again. His lips pursed in the half smile she knew so well before his attention was claimed by Pippa, and she turned away. Her body was poised and utterly aware of his, as surely as if he had touched her. She spotted Gil, thankful to have a distraction, and squeezed through the gallery to join him. Dorothy was alongside him, having made a rare social appearance, still in her wellies and suit trousers. She spoke kindly to Cassie about Isla’s riding and how much help she was providing around the farm.
Again Cassie was glad they had come to Hartfell, Raf’s disturbing presence somewhere behind her notwithstanding. A quick glance revealed Pippa introducing him to yet more guests, and Cassie checked her phone, making sure there were no alerts from the teenagers at home. She noticed a small bronze of a kingfisher perched on a stem, wondering if she might indulge if there was no red dot by the end of the evening. Gil excused himself to find Pippa, and Dorothy announced she had seen quite enough animals rendered in metal and was returning to her real ones.
Eventually Raf fought his way to her side and Cassie was rapt when he bent his head, skimming her cheek with his mouth. It was no more intimate than his greeting for Pippa earlier, and yet her breath still caught as warmth stole through her body. Was she imagining his eyes lingering on her, the flare of yearning and pleasure in them? Yet more people were arriving, and they were pressed together as guests moved through the throng. A photographer was busy too, and she melted when she felt the touch of Raf’s hand on the small of her back as they faced the camera. Her own smile was more distracted, one hip pressed against him. The photographer moved on, and his hand remained on her back, implying a possessiveness she would have abhorred in anyone but him.
‘Do you want to get out of here?’ His suggestion and those low words skimming her ear sent her imagination into overdrive. ‘We could have a nightcap at home if you like?’
‘I can’t.’ He had made that sound so intimate, even though they sat on the terrace together most evenings while the kids did their own thing indoors. ‘I promised Jago I’d stay so he could show me his work.’
‘Ah.’ Raf’s hand slid from her back and he nodded slowly. ‘Then I should let you go.’
Cassie nodded dully. She wanted exactly the opposite, to leave right now with him and let the night and his company take them where it would.
‘Call me if you still need a lift home. Don’t walk back on your own.’
She accepted another glass of champagne as a waiter appeared, and Raf turned away. It was almost impossible not to follow him with her eyes, her body still clamouring for more of his touch. Gradually guests began to drift away, and she had no need to check if he had left; her senses knew it. She went to view the kingfisher again and found it was still available. She wasn’t sure if she wanted a permanent reminder of tonight and chose to sleep on it before deciding. Jago was surrounded every time she looked, and when they did eventually catch up, he apologised and suggested meeting another time. She agreed, sharing a goodbye when his taxi arrived.
She helped Pippa and Gil tidy up and they ran her home, so she didn’t have to call Raf. He’d left a light on in the kitchen, the house silent, and she gave Flynn a cuddle before letting him into the garden. He was happy to settle back in his bed, and she went upstairs to say good night to Isla and Rory. From the sounds at the end of the corridor, Raf was in his music studio, and she had no wish to disturb him.
