‘What else am I meant to do?’
‘Share them,’ Cassie told him simply. ‘Let other people listen and understand what an incredible musician you are. You earned your place, Raf, you’re brilliant. I hope you know it.’
‘And what if no one else thinks that?’ His laugh was a brief one. ‘Half my life I’ve got by on how I look and who my dad is. Being at the back on the drums was my safe place.’
‘At heart you’re a musician, and I don’t think I truly realised that until just now. You have a wonderful voice and so much to say. Please don’t forget that.’
‘Maybe one day I’ll believe in myself as much as you do.’
He freed her hand to cup her face, pulling her into his gaze and the promise she found there. He stood and tugged her upright, until she was between his legs. She was poised for Raf to make the first move, one she needed to give her confidence and let her know this would be okay.
‘You should go back to bed,’ he muttered. He let go and stepped past her, shattering the spell.
‘Is that what you want?’ she whispered.
At the door he turned, his face revealed by the moonlight. ‘You know it’s not. But I need you to be as sure as I am, to feel what I feel. I understand it’s different for you, and I don’t want any more regrets if we do this.’
Chapter Seventeen
Cassie wasn’t expecting to sleep in until nine a.m., and she reached for her phone to make sure she hadn’t missed anything from Jas and her children, relaxing back onto the pillows to enjoy the new images they’d sent. There was a message from Raf, too, letting her know he’d gone down to the market in town and hadn’t wanted to disturb her. She sent him a quick reply and put the phone aside. Sun was shimmering through the white curtains, and she hurried out of bed to open the doors onto her patio and welcome the day.
Mornings at home were usually frantic ones, time somehow seeming to slip away twice as fast as she’d got ready for work and seen Isla and Rory off to school. Here it was so different, the grass damp underfoot, the path around the pool already hot beneath her bare feet. The water looked so inviting, shimmering against blue tiles reflecting the sky, and she threw a glance at the closed kitchen door, the empty terrace. Really she ought to go back for her swimsuit and suncream, but the house was silent and Raf was at the market. She was alone, and she’d only be in the pool a few minutes.
She swiftly removed her white silk camisole pyjamas before she changed her mind. She walked down the steps, the water delightfully cool. She’d skinny-dipped plenty in the past and it was wonderfully freeing to swim naked now. But she had no idea when he would be back, and Cassie didn’t want to get caught out. Not after last night, and how they’d parted. She left the pool and stood beneath the outdoor shower, rinsing the chlorine away. Already the sun was hot, and she tipped her head back, shaking the water from her hair.
Her pyjamas were on a lounger, so she darted across the terrace, leaving wet footprints on the path. She grabbed them and pulled the shorts on, hopping in her haste, and dragged the top over her head just as the bi-fold doors opened and Raf stepped out. There was nowhere to hide, not unless she dived straight back in the pool. She faced him nonchalantly, trying to pretend that her pyjamas weren’t already soaking and clinging to every curve.
‘Morning. I hope I didn’t wake you. So how did you…’ The shopping bags slid from his hands and crashed onto the terrace. ‘Sorry. I didn’t realise you were… Er, that you…’
‘Have been swimming,’ she finished for him, gesturing to the pool as though he might wonder where.
‘In your pyjamas?’ Aviators covered his eyes, but she didn’t need to see behind them to recognise his distraction as a muscle flickered in his cheek. He’d seen her in a bikini not that long ago and this wasn’t much different. Except that her bikini hadn’t become transparent when it got wet.
‘I didn’t bring a towel. Or my swimsuit.’ Her tongue felt strange in her dry mouth and she swallowed.
‘Right.’ Raf was staring at the shopping around his feet as though trying to remember how it had got there.
‘It was too nice not to,’ she continued hastily, trying to estimate how many strides it would take to leg it to her room and safety. ‘I thought you weren’t here.’
‘I wasn’t. I went to the market,’ he muttered, bending to gather some of the shopping. Cassie felt she ought to help, except… ‘But now I’m back.’
‘So I see. I’m sorry I missed it. The market, I mean.’
‘You could come with me tomorrow.’
‘I’d love to. So I’d better go and… change.’ She raced back across the grass to her room. A glance in the mirror revealed wide eyes with dilated pupils and nipples perfectly outlined by the white silk. She might as well have been standing before him naked, and if he’d returned a few minutes earlier, then she would… She shook the thought away. They still had four days and three more nights to get through.
But with every hour they spent alone in this perfect hilltop hideaway, it became more impossible to deny what she felt. There was desire and longing in every shared look, the meaningful and easy conversations. The hours spent thinking of him, the truth of his own feelings revealed before they’d said good night. She understood the pull between them every bit as well as he did, but he was right; she needed time. Time to decide if she could actually do this, and how she would feel when it was over. Because she couldn’t have him in her life in every way possible.
Perhaps he was part of her pathway to healing, the first man she had longed for as a single woman, one whose heart was gradually getting used to no longer being a wife. The sun, this house, the setting, Raf; all were doing their work in helping her mend, slowly loosening her mind from the worries that usually held it firm. He had promised he would always be there for her children, and she believed him. There was no reason to doubt it, even if their own relationship had irrevocably changed once this week was over. So this would be their secret, and she would never reveal it.
In the kitchen he was still putting away shopping when Cassie returned, changed into shorts and a shirt over her swimsuit. She made coffee, trying not to let her body make obvious the decision she’d made in her room. Would she really be brave enough to act on it, to let him know how she felt and what she wanted? Even the silence was screaming at her as they moved around one another.
‘How did you sleep, impromptu music on the terrace notwithstanding? I hope I didn’t keep you awake,’ Raf remarked.
She thought of him playing beside the pool in the moonlight, singing of a lost love, someone far out of reach. The hours he’d spent in the past teaching himself to play the guitar and then the drums, how music had sustained him through the darkest days. And then his own story of loss following his break-up all those years ago, and the pain which had sent him around the world on tour time and again as he kept his distance from all that might unbalance him. She desperately didn’t want him to be hurt again; neither of them deserved it.
‘I slept better after we talked,’ she whispered. ‘Raf, your song, it was beautiful, truly.’ She reached for his hand, and his eyes told her more as she placed it over her heart. ‘I felt it, here.’
