‘Ah yes, your new house.’ She winced; that had been more scathing than she’d intended. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your voicemails. Work got in the way.’
‘So Rory said.’
She flushed, sure he’d seen through her usual excuse. The filter he had worn at lunch to disguise his thoughts had gone, and her skin heated more as his eyes skimmed over her short pyjamas. Her stomach curled with longing, and she made to move past him.
‘Well, good night. I need my bed after the drive up.’ She pressed her arms into her body so there was little danger of brushing against him.
‘What about your water?’
‘I’m not that thirsty.’ The scratch in her voice suggested a different story. But this was madness and she couldn’t allow herself to linger in harm’s way.
‘Cass, there’s nothing between me and Allegra, whatever Pippa thinks. I barely know her. And it was a mistake, bringing her here. I’m sorry. I didn’t know about the lunch, and she was only supposed to be dropping me off until Pippa got carried away.’
‘Oh, hey, whoever you see has nothing to do with me, Raf,’ she told him casually. ‘We both know that, and Allegra seems lovely.’
He ignored that, allowing the silence to bloom before he spoke again. ‘I wanted to ask if you’d come with me to see the house tomorrow.’
‘Me!’ Cassie’s quick laugh was astonished, her voice rising with every syllable. ‘Why?’
‘Because I’d really like your opinion before I make a final decision. I can’t stay with Pippa and Gil forever, and especially not when the builders move in.’
‘You don’t need me to see it. It’s your choice.’ Six months ago, she’d have been glad to help him if she could. Now, all was different. He was always going to move on, so how could she have imagined otherwise? He ran a hand through his hair, outlining the curve of a tattooed bicep. She swallowed, her pulse reminding her exactly how it felt to have those elegant and skilful hands on her body. Would that night never go away? Would she be forever trapped, yearning for a man she couldn’t have?
‘But I’d like your thoughts all the same.’
‘I don’t think so,’ she muttered. He was far too close, and nerve endings were alight with expectation, the spicy amber and leather scent of the cologne she would only ever associate with him filling her senses. ‘We’re leaving for Galloway after breakfast. It’s another long drive, and there’s lots to do there. Good luck, whatever you decide.’
‘You say that like we’re not going to see one another again for ages.’ Raf raised an arm, as though he might be about to brush away the hair spilling over her face, and Cassie took a hasty step back, crashing into a cupboard. She winced at the sharp pain in her hip, willing her body not to betray her again.
‘It might be a while.’ She raised a shoulder to suggest she didn’t mind. It wasn’t a thought she’d share with Rory, though, who would be disappointed not to see Raf soon. She went to step past him again, but his words, as firm as a hand on her arm, stilled her a second time.
‘Don’t you think we should talk?’ he said, his voice low and soft and dangerous all at once. ‘I know you’re avoiding me, and the kids have noticed, in case you’re wondering. Rory asked if I knew why you were being weird with me.’
‘What did you tell him?’ Her heart pounded even faster at the thought of Rory suspecting anything was amiss. That one foolish moment had affected their friendship to the extent her son had noticed that she was different around Raf now.
‘That you were busy with work and not to worry, we’re fine.’
She looked up, trapped by that intense stare which seemed to see straight to her soul.
‘But we’re not, are we? Not when I know you’d rather run than talk about what happened.’
‘There’s nothing to talk about,’ she told him hotly, careful to keep her voice down. ‘We were both emotional that night and it was just a hug that went too far. A mistake. Neither of us meant it to happen, and I’ve forgotten all about it.’
‘You’re a terrible liar, Cass.’ Raf’s voice followed as she hurried up the stairs to her room in search of safety. ‘Because I don’t think you can get it out of your head either, and pretending it never happened won’t make it go away.’
Chapter Four
In the morning Cassie’s journal was still beside her on the bed. She’d dreamt of Raf and Australia again, and she flung the duvet aside and got out of bed, crossing the landing to shower. Last night was the first time they’d slept in the same building since they’d taken the children to Lapland at Christmas, a trip she’d arranged before Australia. Despite the magic and Isla and Rory loving it, she had felt distant and unsettled around him after that moment of madness in Queensland.
Back in her room she dried her hair and sat on the bed, glancing through her journal to read what she’d recorded yesterday. She’d written about the happy anticipation of time away with friends and family, and being in Hartfell again. Nothing, as ever, about Raf, unless it included her children. Her thoughts about him were ones she could never consign to paper, because then they would exist beyond her own imagination. She closed the journal at a tap on the door, hoping it wasn’t Raf looking for another opportunity to talk.
‘Brought you a coffee,’ Pippa called.
‘Thank you, what a treat. Come in.’ Cassie shuffled over, and Pippa left a mug on the bedside table and settled opposite her. ‘I thought you might appreciate a few more peaceful minutes. The kitchen is full of bleary-eyed teenagers raiding the fridge. Alfie stayed over last night as well, and I’m not sure any of them got much sleep in that tent.’
‘Let’s hope they’re not too grumpy later.’ Cassie’s gaze slid away from Pippa as she reached for the mug. ‘Thank you for caring for and looking after us.’
The only benefit in living so far away from her closest friend was that she didn’t have to constantly disguise her guilt over Raf. Pippa knew her so well; could she somehow tell that Cassie had cheated on her husband with his best friend? Was it written on her face as clearly as it was etched on her heart? She tried to force the thought away and focus on what Pippa was saying instead.
