Tears burn as they fall to my cheeks, thawing my frozen skin. I fear that if I continue to cry, they could thaw the whole ground around us.
The image I saw in the Usher’s mind, the world as we know it, completely changed, is what the ash and dust reveal, and I crumble. That one image is enough to quench the rage.
“Be careful of your emotions, child. You have come so far to forget that, now.”
Her words spike my fear, severing my control. The threads of my gift recoil at my release of them, as if they feel the shift in me, and they are wounded by my change of heart. They want to destroy. They are happy to do my bidding, but I must remember that dangerous feeling. The Maker’s voice dampens my haze, and my anger peters away, fading in the stark reality, as if the flame that burned so hot inside of me has suddenly been deprived of all the air that kept it alight.
She’s right.
If I do this, I am no better than everyone who’s harmed me.
I would take the place of the person I just killed.
My weight is suddenly too much to bear, and I fall onto my hands and knees. My fingers tense, as if the pads of each digit can feel the dormant power, trapped for all those years inside this stone. Still.
The decision is a knife-edge—a drop of power one way or another could colour my emotions. For all the possibilities, for all the hurt, the power could have reformed the landscapes around us, pulled the sun into being and forced the moon to retreat.
One way. Or another. Novandia could. He would if I called on him.
God killer.
But that is not my decision. That is not what I want, and I fear what stain this will have on my soul. What having this power, this ability to tap into this void of energy, may do.
“Ever, Stars, what… happened?”
Ten.
“I…” I pant, breathless and disoriented. “I think I’m safe. I’m not… dangerous.” Although saying the words doesn’t reassure me.
“Is that what happened before?”
“Maybe.” His voice, the fact that he didn’t leave, is another calming salve to the turmoil within me. “It felt different, more intense.” Ten steps forward, but I mirror a step back, not convinced I won’t hurt him.
“Hey, don’t do that.”
“Have you got your magic?” I ask.
“We’re all fine. The others?—”
“I need to get to my brother.” I swing my head around and search the spot near the trees where I saw him last.
“You don’t. You don’t need to do anything.”
But that’s not true. Not while he’s out there. “Fenix!” I call, but he’s a faint silhouette against the cold. I see his shadow retreating towards the iced-over lake.
“Don’t, Ever. Please,” Ten pleads.
“I can’t let him escape. I promised Calix. Besides, he’s my brother.”
“And you’ve just destroyed his plan for power. He’s not going to surrender and come back with you willingly.”
“I didn’t say that’s what I wanted.” I look at him, hoping he understands, even if I doubt my own intentions. Fenix has Novandia’s magic, and he hasn’t been through a Transference, so he doesn’t have Aslendrix’s balance. He’s a risk. And after everything he’s done, shouldn’t this be easy? Yet, it’s not.
I watch his shadow grow more distant.
“Please, Ten. I’ve got to try.”
“He shouldn’t have his magic, right?” Ten asks.
