My mind was all over the place. Deep down, I knew what I had to do to do what was best for Maliah, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to. A few minutes passed before I saw movement. Maliah came out of the side of the house, moving quickly but carefully. She looked over her shoulder once before running full sprint to the gate. She had on pajamas. It was a cute little two-piece striped pink and white set that I knew was from Victoria’s Secret, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail like she had just thrown it up without thinking too hard about it. She was a natural beauty indeed.
She climbed the gate like she had done before, landing lightly on her feet before jogging over to the car. I unlocked the door, and she slid in, bringing that same energy with her that always made everything feel a little better.
“Are you okay?” she asked immediately, turning toward me. Her voice was low but full of concern. “What happened to your face?”
I looked at her. And for a moment, I had forgotten that Ghost and I had just fought. I had forgotten why I had driven over here and why I wanted to see her face-to-face. I really looked at her, and it made it harder to say anything at all.
Because sitting there, with her that close, it was easy to forget everything else. Easy to pretend I wasn’t the same person who had just been inside her father’s business, taking from him like he was just another lick. But I couldn’t pretend. I ran a hand over my face while exhaling slowly. I was trying to find the right way to say something that wasn’t ever going to sound right. I totally disregarded her asking about my appearance because it didn’t even fucking matter. None of this mattered. What was important was that I could not do this with her. I couldn’t sit in her face knowing what I had done to her dad. Especially knowing just how much he meant to her.
“I’ve been thinking,” I started.
She didn’t interrupt. She just watched me with her round brown eyes while she waited. And that made it worse. Because she trusted me enough to listen. Trusted me enough to believe whatever I was about to say. Trusted me enough to get a piece of her heart that I just knew she had never given to another soul. I glanced away for a second, then back at her, knowing once I said it, there was no taking it back.
“I’m not who you think I am. Honestly, Mali, you deserve way better than me.”
Her brows lowered in confusion, and I knew that she had to be thinking, where was this coming from. Before even finding out who I was robbing, I knew, though. I knew that she was completely out of my fucking league to begin with. Still, I pursued her. Still, I fell in love. Still, I allowed her to fall in lovewith me. I was a facade of a man that she thought she could get her happy ever after. Finding this shit out didn’t do anything but confirm what I had been feeling for a while… I had no business being with her.
She turned in her seat to face me and then let a sigh escape her lips.
“Tahari… we had this conversation already. You are perfect, and you are everything that I need. You are all that I need.”
It sounded like she was pleading with me a bit, and that hurt more than deciding to leave her for her own good. The last thing that I wanted was for her to shrink herself. Not for me and not for anyone else.
“Maliah, I am telling you that I’m not. I can’t do this.”
Her brows pulled together slightly.
“Do what?”
Anybody else probably would have told her what I had done, but I knew that piece of information would break her just like this was about to. Coming clean not only meant that I had to tell her about myself, but I also had to reveal her father’s secret as well. And there was no way she knew that her dad was out here pushing bricks. Keeping her heart intact and keeping her safe was always a priority for me. This minor ache that she will feel from me deciding to leave her will pass. What wouldn’t, is the feeling she would feel in her chest knowing that her dad had probably been lying to her all her life. Or that I had done some shit like this to her dad. I swallowed once, my jaw tightening before I forced the words out.
“I can’t see you anymore.”
MALIAH
For a second, I didn’t understand what he meant. The words took a while to register, although I heard them, clear as day. But my mind refused to attach meaning to them. Like if I just sat there long enough and looked at him hard enough, maybe, just maybe, he’d take them back or explain them in a way that made sense. Because they didn’t make sense. His words didn’t match the way he looked at me. It didn’t go with everything I felt sitting between us.
My chest tightened slowly, like something inside me was being pulled too tight, too fast, and I couldn’t catch it in time to stop it.
“What?” My voice came out softer than I expected, almost like I was afraid to say it too loud and make it real.
He didn’t look away, and that made it worse.
“I feel like I have to get some shit straight with me, Mali. I can’t do this right now,” he said with his voice low but still heavy in a way that made my stomach drop even further.
Right now.That part stuck with me. Because it sounded temporary, but it didn’t feel like it. My eyes explored his face. I was looking for something, anything that told me this wasn’t what it sounded like. But all I saw was distance.
A wall that hadn’t been there before, or maybe it had been building, and I didn’t want to see it. Maybe I was in denial. And then it hit me. A thought I didn’t want to have but couldn’t stop forming.
“Is this because of my dad?”
The question came out quicker this time, but it was more fragile than I wanted it to be. My hands twisted slightly in mylap as I tried to hold onto something steady while everything else started to feel like it was slipping.
“Because when you met him, he was kinda hard on you,” I continued with my voice wavering now. “I told you he’s like that. He didn’t mean anything by it.”
Even as I said it, I could hear how it sounded like I was trying to fix something I didn’t fully understand. I wanted to blame anyone for what Tahari was trying to do here. There was no way he was trying to end this. Random feelings of not feeling like he’s enough, I could work with. That’s something I could change. I felt like everything was coming out of nowhere. Earlier on, when we first started dating, he expressed that I was some rich girl and he was a boy from the hood, and how the two had no business being together. I quickly wiped those doubts away when I explained to him that my parents were rich and I was broke as fuck. We shared a laugh, and I really haven’t heard much about it again until now.
Something had to have changed. If I’m being honest with myself, there has been a shift. It was small at first and easy to ignore, but it was there. Since Tahari met my family, things have changed a bit. He wasn’t as open, and he damn sure wasn’t at present. Before I could call him and get an answer every single time. Lately, there have been hours passed between his responses. It was even the way he looked at me sometimes that felt like he was distracted, like his mind was somewhere else, even when he was sitting right next to me. I told myself it was just life, or maybe stress, or maybe he was just him being him. Now, sitting here, it felt like everything I had brushed off was finally catching up to me all at once. My eyes burned before I even realized I was about to cry.
