We talked for a good while, going over all the options. In the end, we went with the Bubble Buddy upgrade, a heat sink in case we lost our containment, and the regular version of the same booster rockets that team Sparkles had, which, when combined with the bubble, would allow us to cover large jumps.
For our Golden upgrade, we went with Roller Limbo, a trans-dimensional upgrade that would allow us to race upside down. And as long as there was a gap of at least ten centimeters, we could change shape and slip under any obstacle, including other vehicles.
After Hedy left to start shouting orders at the gremlins, Samantha approached. She floated there, sniffing at my crotch.
“Hey, stop that,” I said, pushing her away.
She growled and then floated up so we were eye to eye. A few hours earlier she hadn’t been able to do this. But like with every floor so far, she got more and more powerful the longer the floor went on.
“Why do you smell like Chachi?” she demanded. “Little Carl doesn’t smell like it, but the rest of you does. What have you been getting up to? You know most ladies aren’t into frottage, right? How boring. If you’re going to commit to intercourse, you have to be aggressive about it. You should kill something together and bathe in the blood first before you both howl in climax. If you want, I can give you growling lessons. Women like it when their man growls with passion.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You know, Chachi? Chalchiuhtlicue?” she said. “Wears a green skirt? Talks kinda funny? Cries a lot? Oh, Carl. Are you hiding her from me because you think I’ll be jealous? That’s so adorable.”
“Uh,” I said. That was the name of the creature Lucia had mentioned.
Samantha took a deep breath. “Okay, normally after I break up with someone, I don’t like to give out relationship advice. I really think you need to make your own mistakes. It helps you realize what you lost when you screwed up with me, but I’ll make an exception in this case. Chachi is pretty. I’ll give you that. But she’s a little cuckoo. Not all that emotionally stable. Likes to talk a lot about how she’s all into saving the lives of children, but then she just kills them all. Like everywhere she goes, it’s dead babies left and right. I gotta tell you, Carl. Donut was correct. You need to stop dry-humping crazy. You thinkI’ma psycho ex-girlfriend? Hooboy. She’s the type of chick who’ll setallyour chonies on fire. Even the pair you’re wearing. And if you’re triple-dipping with herandErisandyour new wife? That’s a lot of work, and you don’t even have a mustache. What do you think is going to happen when Chachi finds out? You really should follow Louis’s example. He’s a one-woman type of guy. That’s why Juice Box couldn’t handle him.”
“Wait, this . . . Chachi. She kills children?”
“Oh, yes. She’s always so high and mighty, always talking about how she’s protecting them, but the second something bad or inconvenient happens, she’s like, ‘We need to sacrifice a seven-year-old to make things right.’ She even did it once at a Yarilo party because the meatballs had cilantro in them. She sent out an emergency prayer request and had her worshippers kill a whole village day care in the hopes the next waiter would bring her something that didn’t taste like soap. She probably could’ve just asked the server guy, but I will say this. It worked. The next tray they brought out were these amazing little hot dog things wrapped in orc bacon. Delicious. Even Otis-Ray liked them, and he’s normally a vegetarian.”
A deep sense of alarm started to fill me. I replayed my conversation with Lucia Mar and that girl, Azra. That goddess appeared to be one of the ones who’d escaped the dungeon. And she was in there with the kids stuck inside of Lucia Mar’s head.
“Holy fucking shit,” I said.
Samantha shook her head sadly. “Yeah. I hope you got a coat for Little Carl.”
[ 53 ]
The cul-de-sacused to have nine houses in the circle, but it now had ten thanks to us losing two teams during the third heat. This made me wonder just how big the roundabouts were for teams like Li Na’s. The empty, abandoned houses stood in the order in which the team had lost, meaning the closest one was the now-empty home of team One Fine Pig.
Osvaldo and Filipe were standing outside their garage with the giant painted “3,” chatting with Radoslav and Jasha in garage four, who had their door open and were in their regular places in the lawn chairs.
“You using your key?” Osvaldo asked.
“I am,” I said.
“When I moved to this heat, I lost the chance to get into the garages of the ones from my original heat,” Osvaldo said. He took a sip of Busch Light and made a face. “I would murder for a Brahma.”
“Yeah,” Jasha said. “But it grows on you. I like it.”
I was interrupted by Rosetta writing me back. I’d sent a message to her, Mordecai, Tipid, and Prepotente all at the same time, asking them if they knew anything about this Chalchiuhtlicue goddess.
Rosetta: Chachi, as Samantha calls her, isn’t a well-known one. She’s not ever sponsored as far as I can remember. Not like Eileithyia, who is a similar deity. They’re both goddesses of childbirth and women. But Chachi is also a water and fire goddess. She’s associated with harvests. That sort of thing. Those catchall gods and goddesses sound good on the manifest, but they never do well in the Ascendency game because their powers are comparatively weak.
Carl: Why would my Scavenger’s Daughter patch try to activate when I’m talking to Lucia like that? It’s really weird. If this Chach... however you spell it, can get from wherever those kids really are to here, do you think maybe we can do it the other way around?
Mordecai: Kid, like I told you before, we have no idea what’s happening. This is all new.
Donut: WE’RE JUST GOING TO CALL HER CHACHI. I ONLY HAVE SO MUCH ROOM ON MY CUT-AND-PASTE, AND I’M NOT FILLING IT WITH SUCH A LONG NAME. IT’S WORSE THAN TSERENDOLGOR. THOUGH IT’S NOT AS LONG AS THAT HAWAIIAN GUY CRAWLER. WHAT WAS HIS NAME? KAMAKANAMAKAMAEMAIKALANI JR. 2, I THINK?
Prepotente: Ah, yes. He is still with us, and he is a pleasant fellow. He goes by Makana. Anyway, the analog of Chalchiuhtlicue, or Chachi, in Earth culture is the Aztec goddess with the same name. She was considered benevolent, but the Aztecs also practiced human sacrifice. She is the originator of an Aztec flood myth because she cried for many days. It’s somewhat interesting how all these gods and goddesses are quite similar to ones from various Earth pantheons.
Donut: HI, PREPOTENTE! ARE YOU COMING TO MY CONCERT IN A FEW MINUTES?
Prepotente: I wouldn’t miss it for the world! I, too, would like to access this guild, so I will attempt to sing as well. I will be performing “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins. What will you be performing?
