Maggie tossed her rose onto Roger’s graveand stepped away as the first shovelful of dirt hit the coffin. Shecringed. It made no sense, but somehow, the thud of that dirt madeRoger’s death more final. She recalled feeling the same way atA.J.’s funeral too.
Turning, she strode through the headstoneswith the rest of the mourners as she made her way to Pablo’s carand climbed into the back seat. She’d rode to the cemetery with himand his wife. Despite the fact she’d given her notice yesterday,Pablo had offered her a ride, but she should have known he wouldunderstand her decision to leave her position.
Aiden had never arrived at her apartment,never answered her messages, and she’d given up expecting him to doso, but she couldn’t stay here anymore. She’d lived in Boston herentire life; she’d never considered leaving. Now, she couldn’t waitto get away.
She’d anticipated jumping into life andstarting to live it with Aiden. Now, she would jump in and startliving it without him. She’d travel the country and do things she’dnever dreamed of doing. She’d been so determined to have security,she’d never realized she’d put herself in a little box. It was timeto get out of that box. When she was done exploring, maybe she’dcome back to Boston, but she wasn’t making any long-term plans, atleast not for a while. And she wouldn’t look for Aiden anymore.
The idea of never seeing Aiden again causedher to scratch at her skin. She felt torn between her grief forRoger and her burgeoning hatred toward the vampire who had walkedinto her life and tossed it upside down.
Why had he said those things to her aboutmatehood and being with her forever if it had all been lies? Whyhad he played such a game with her? Was he somewhere watching hernow and taking pleasure in her suffering? Did Roger’s death bringhim more joy over her misery?
Those thoughts ran through her mind, butnone of them feltrightto her. She didn’t think he’d beenlying to her or playing with her, but she didn’t know why he hadn’tcontacted her or answered her messages.
She didn’t think something had happened tohim. A part of her believed she would haveknownif he’ddied. Had he somehow broken his phone too and wasn’t getting hercalls and messages?
She’d tried calling him a couple more times,but she’d only received his voice mail. Even if he had broken hisphone and never received her texts or calls, he knew where shelived. At least he knew where she lived for now. She would bemoving soon. She hadn’t given her notice to Mrs. Mackey yet, butshe would soon.
“Are you coming to the bar with us, Maggie?”Pablo inquired.
She lifted her head and blinked when sherealized he’d already driven out of the cemetery and was inBrookline. “Ah, yes, yes, of course.”
The idea of sitting alone in her apartmentagain wasn’t something she could face. She’d been so entrenched inher melancholy she hadn’t taken the time to celebrate Roger’s life,to laugh and drink and reminisce with others about him. Sheintended to do that today.
Straightening her shoulders, she scratchedat her arms as she determined not to let memories of Aiden intrude.Today was about Roger. She’d wasted enough time grieving arelationship that never was.
• • •
Maggie spent the next two weeks packing herthings and planning her trip. Every spare minute she had, shedevoted to searching for her mother’s real identity. She’d toldAiden the past was best left to the past, and at the time she’dmeant it, but that had been then, and now she wanted answers tosomething. She had no answers for what happened to Aiden, but shehad a small chance of finding answers for this.
Never before had she considered learning hermother’s story. She’d assumed, if the police hadn’t been able touncover her family, she’d never be able to do it. And honestly, shehadn’t wanted to know.
What if knowing made things worse? What ifher mother had fled a situation almost as bad as what she’dstumbled into while in Boston? Learning her heritage had alwaysseemed like a pointless waste of time, but it had become the bestdistraction she had from memories of Aiden.
Inevitably, he would creep in again, and asense of loss so extreme would fill her that some days she had toforce herself out of bed. Going to work didn’t help. It was only aconstant reminder Roger was also gone.
Before, she’d thought she would miss workingon the ambulance, but she was glad to be done. Yesterday, hercoworkers bought her a cake for her last shift, and they took herout last night to celebrate. Next week, the day after she ran themarathon, she would leave Boston. She had too many people countingon her not to participate in the race, but she couldn’t wait for itto be over.
She slid the packing tape over her last boxand set the roll on top of it. Glancing around her tiny apartment,she expected to feel a sense of loss, but she felt none. She had nomore room in her for more losses.
Most of her things would go to the SalvationArmy, and she’d already scheduled for them to come the Saturdaybefore the marathon to pick up those things. She’d have to sleep onan air mattress for a couple of days afterward, but she was allright with that. She’d experienced worse sleeping accommodations inher life.
She could have held off packing everythingso soon, but she crammed doing as many things as she could into herevery waking minute. She was certain she would sink into a pit ofdespair if she stopped for even a second. At the very least, she’dscratch at herself like a flea-infested cat if something didn’toccupy her hands.
The scratching thing was getting on her lastfrayed nerve, but she couldn’t stop it. The second she wasn’t doingsomething, she found herself unconsciously scratching.
That was why she had to keep moving now. Sheremoved her coat from the hook by the door. With her packing done,she couldn’t put it off anymore; she had to go.
• • •
Once she decided to travel, Maggie cashed inher small retirement plan at work. She’d taken a hit on it, butshe’d had no other choice. The two hundred dollars in her savingsaccount wouldn’t take her far out of Boston, especially since shehadn’t owned a car.
With the retirement money, she’d boughtherself a decent used car and still had eight thousand left for hertrip. She planned to travel the country, see the redwoods, thedeserts, the Pacific Ocean, and any other thing that caught herattention. It would be her, Blue, her plants—though she’d givenmany of them to her neighbor—and the open road.
It didn’t make her feel as happy or free asshe’d hoped, but she was looking forward to it.
Maggie pulled her car onto a dirt road. Thesprings and struts creaked as she eased it over the ruts and icypuddles. All around her, the jagged peaks of the White Mountainsrose high into the air. The lonely, stark appearance of the snowcaps matched her mood.
After half a mile, she spotted a small whitetrailer set on a large expanse of open land. Maggie pulled inbehind a rusting pickup and parked the car. Her heart raced, andsweat coated her palms as she stared at the trailer.
