If I’d been there, I’d be dead too. I never could have stopped all the fallen angels and demons who descended on them. I would have died for them, and they still would have died too. And if I hadn’t volunteered, one or all of us might have starved to death, or I could have been caught stealing and been killed.
I’d done the right thing when I volunteered, but I’d always regret not being there for them at the end.
I never heard Aisling move, but the heat of her palm branded my arm when she rested it against my skin.
“I’m… I’m—” And because she couldn’t find any other words, she repeated what she’d already said twice to me. “—sorry.”
I hated her pity, but I couldn’t deny her touch. I grasped her hand and held it as she stared at me with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t cry for me, Aisling, and don’t feel sorry for me,” I said as I wiped away the tear sliding down her cheek. “So many lost a lot when the gateway opened. I had more time with my family than a lot of other people got to experience with theirs.”
“It’s still not right.”
“We wouldn’t be here if everything in the world went right.” I squeezed her hand again before releasing it and smiling at her to soften my next words. “No more touching.”
She gave me a sad smile before taking her hand away. She muttered, “Stupid rule,” as she walked away, and I almost laughed but didn’t bother to remind her she’d been the one to set it.
Settling back into the chair, she drew her legs up against her chest again. When she looked away from me, I saw her wipe away another tear.
“Is there anything else you’d like to know about me, Aisling?”
“I’m sure there’s a lot more to learn about you, Hawk, but I think that’s enough for now.”
“So it’s my turn to ask the questions?”
“It’s your turn.”
Chapter Fifteen
Aisling
“Where are you from?” Hawk asked.
“Virginia.”
“How old were you when you volunteered?”
I suspected his rapid-fire questions were a way to distract him from the bad memories I dredged up with my questions. I wanted to kick myself in the ass for the sadness in his eyes. It took all I had not to rest my hand over my heart and sob for the family he lost.
“Eighteen,” I said. “I was going to volunteer at sixteen, but my mom begged me to wait until I was eighteen, so I did. We weren’t bad off after the war. I mean, things weren’t great by any means, but my dad was a hunter and fisherman, and we lived in a pretty rural area, so we got by on game and fish.
“I’d only gone hunting with a bow a few times before then as my mom didn’t think I was old enough to handle a rifle. We used to fight over it, not because I was in a rush to go in the woods and kill things, but because I was eager to learn how to use a gun. She didn’t argue about it after the war, and though I was finally getting a chance to learn how to shoot, I wasn’t excited about it anymore.”
“Why were you so eager to leave home if things weren’t bad there?”
“Because before the war,allI wanted was to travel the world. I planned to join the Marines and serve my country while going to different places. I never wanted kids, so I planned to be career military, and when I retired, I was going to travel to all the places I didn’t see while serving.”
“You don’t want kids?”
“No. Don’t get me wrong, I like them, but they were never part of my plan. However…” I tried to think how to explain it to him. “I think before the gateway opened, not wanting kids was more about being young and only thinking about freedom. The last thing I wanted was a child tying me down, but I might have changed my mind. And now it’s about… well, look at this world. This is no place for children.”
“Maybe not right now,” he said, “but we’re going to make it a world for them, and if the human world is going to continue, then children are necessary.”
“Rebuilding the population isn’t a reason to have children.”
“Then what is?”
I bit my lip as I pondered this. “I guess there are many reasons, but for me, it would be love and having enough trust in someone to believe they would always be there for our children and me.”
