With that, I opened a portal and didn’t look at him again before entering it. I’d caused this damage to our relationship, but I didn’t have to constantly take the emotional turmoil that now came with it.
But then, if I was going to help him, Iwouldhave to keep taking it. And since I was determined to do everything I could to break free of those tormenting us, I would keep helping Ryker in this mission.
It didn’t have to be tonight. I’d probably toss and turn all night, but at least I’d do it inmyhouse.
I stepped out of the portal and into my room. After closing the portal, I stripped off my ruined clothes, threw them in the trash, and showered.
Trying not to think about the ecstasy that filled my night, I scrubbed at my skin as I sought to wash away all I’d done wrong. No matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn’t cleanse myself of my inner demons.
CHAPTERFIFTY-TWO
Ellery
Over the next week,everything went back to business as usual between me and Ryker… except it wasn’t. He was more short-tempered than ever and kept his distance.
I was much edgier than before. I didn’t like being in these woods with him, yet there was nowhere else I’d rather be. I hated the tension between us, not just the emotional but also the physical.
Even though he stayed further away from me, energy crackled between us whenever he was close. It felt like our powers were trying to reconnect and draw us together again, but neither of us wanted that… or at least I told myself I didn’t, but I knew the truth.
I’d hated feeling so alone and bereft after our last time together, but every part of me craved him. I believed he felt it too, which was why he was grouchier. Ryker didn’t like anything he couldn’t control, and he couldn’t stop this.
“You’re not concentrating!” he snapped at me.
I lowered the small sword I wielded against the dummy he’d created for my training tonight. It felt ridiculous to battle a stuffed doll, but Ryker insisted it was necessary.
I waved the sword at the dummy. “Of course I am! I’ve beat it into submission.”
Ryker’s eyes narrowed on me. “Are you going to be this funny when you’re in a battle, fighting for your life?”
“I’m hilarious all the time.”
I hadn’t believed he could look unhappier with me, but he managed to pull it off. Stalking toward me, he stopped and reached for my arm.
The second he got close, my skin prickled and my mouth went dry. I hated my uncontrollable reaction to him and the fact I instinctively swayed closer, despite being as irritated with him as he was with me.
For the first time in a week, he touched me again as he seized my wrist and lifted it. The contact created an instant flutter in my belly.
He was only inches away, so close I could make out the individual hairs in the scruff on his chin and cheeks. I inhaled his cinnamon and horse’s scent as his hand briefly contracted around my wrist.
When he stepped closer, his chest brushed my arm, and despite my irritation with the maddening man, my eyes half closed as pleasure washed over me. I didn’t want to have sex with him again… well, I did, but I wouldn’t.
I refused to experience that empty feeling after our last parting. I couldn’t take that again.
Ryker would always hold my heart, and he’d also always have power over my body, but I had to protect myself from him and the damage he could cause. I couldn’t survive having my heart repeatedly broken because I wanted contact with him.
Closing my eyes, I gulped before stepping away from him. When I tugged at my wrist, his hand constricted on it.
“Keep your wrist strong. You’re not going to do any damage if your wrist is flopping all over the place,” he instructed.
“Yeah, sure, no floppy wrists,” I muttered.
When I tugged at my wrist again, he released it. I couldn’t look at him, but ignoring his heat and scent was impossible as he stood only a foot away.
Too many seconds passed before he finally spoke again. “Lift your arm.”
I did so as I stepped closer to the dummy. Gritting my teeth, I tried to shove down my desire and concentrate on killing the target. It was impossible when he was so damn close.
He’s doing it on purpose.I had no way of knowing if he was tormenting me intentionally, but it sure felt like it.
