“You say that now, but then you’ll remember everything I kept from you and hate me again. I can’t live like this anymore. Yes, what I did was horrible, and I know you think I was laughing at you, but Ineverdid. Not once did I think it was funny or that I was besting you in some way.
“I hated myself, and guilt ate at me every day. There were numerous times when I told myself that I should end this, but you were the only happiness I still had in this realm, and I couldn’t let you go… until your father came to me.
“He made me realize how selfish and cruel I was being. My happiness didn’t matter anymore; you, my mother, Scarlet, and her family werealla part of it too, whether I liked it or not, andthatwas what mattered. I had to try to keep everyone safe.”
Tears burned my eyes as words kept tumbling from my lips. “I failed, but I believed I was doing the right thing. Letting you go was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, and I knew you’d hate me for it and could never forgive me?—”
“Ihaveforgiven you, Ellery.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Ellery
His words causedmine to die away, but I couldn’t shake the doubt as he gazed at me.
He squeezed my chin a little. “I have.”
“You can’t stand to lie beside me or stay in the same bed as me, Ryker.”
“Yes, I can.”
“You left?—”
“That’s not what happened.”
“Then what did happen?”
“I went to get us breakfast. I thought I had enough time to get it and return before you woke, but I was wrong. I went to your manor to try talking to you, but I couldn’t get close enough without risking being spotted. I’d hoped to talk to you last night, but you never showed.”
“I couldn’t, not after what they did to our manor and my mother’s beautiful creations. Not after I discovered you gone.”
“I planned to return before you woke.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I understand, but I had planned to tell you I can’t imagine my life without you. I’m tired of fighting how I feel for you and tired of the anger. I want to build a life with you, Ellery Marian. I can’t live in the past anymore. I want to move with you toward the future…ourfuture… no matter how uncertain it is.”
My mouth parted at his words, and I blinked at him as I tried to understand. “You went to get us breakfast?”
He smiled as his thumb moved up to caress my bottom lip. “Yes. I was pretty hungry when I woke and figured you would be too. I thought you would stay sleeping while I was gone. When I discovered you’d left, I went to your manor to tell you that I wanted to be with you, but there were too many riders around.
“I returned to my father’s castle and waited until last night, but you weren’t there when I went to the Revenant Woods. I went to your manor and saw you and your mother sweeping through the windows; now I understand you were cleaning up after Samael.”
My mind spun as I tried to process his words; my heart fluttered with excitement as my stomach clenched. It was almost too good to believe.
“You went to get us breakfast?” I couldn’t stop being hung up on this aspect of everything he’d said.
He smiled before kissing the tip of my nose. “Eggs, bacon, fresh bread, and water.”
“I would have loved that.”
“Me too, but I didn’t get a chance to eat it.”
When I lifted my gaze to his, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at the amusement shimmering in his eyes. I so badly wanted all of this to be true.
I yearned to be with him and to know we could move forward together and build a life… or as much of one as possible in this realm.
But then, reality returned. “You say this now, but the next time you remember what I did, you’ll shut down and distance yourself from me again.”
