That undoes me. He was my first, and he will be my last and I feel that truth in my chest, raw and unguarded, in a way I was not prepared for. My back arches off the bed. He groans, eyes closing briefly like the feeling of it is too much, like six months of absence is trying to leave his body all at once. Then they open and find mine and stay there as I tremble underneath him.
"Look at you," he rasps. "Breaking for me."
He doesn't slow. He doesn't give me time to recover or think or do anything except feel him, the slap of skin against skin, the warmth of his chest against mine, the smell of cedar and sweat and both of us together filling the room. His name keeps coming out of me. I stop trying to hold it back.
"It's been six months," he says roughly against my throat. “Six months without you. It can never happen again, Asha. I love you in a way I cannot explain. I—” His voice cracks. "I could do this for days. I'm never letting you go again."
He pulls back and looks at me and what I see is not the controlled man who never shows too much. It is a man who crossed mountains and frozen seas and an army of undead for the woman beneath him, and he is completely undone by having found her.
"Tell me you will only ever love me," he says. Low. Rough. Almost a plea beneath the command.
"You," I say. "Only you. You are my family, Colsar. There is nothing else."
Something in him breaks open.
A sound tears out of him, loud and raw, as he finishes, his whole body shaking with it, hips still moving through every aftershock. He stays buried deep, unwilling to move, forehead pressed to mine, breath ragged against my lips.
For a long moment neither of us speaks.
"I missed you," he says finally. The words sound like they have been held for a very long time. His hand comes to my face, holding me there, making sure I do not look away. "I missed you. I missed you."
He says it three times because once is not enough for six months.
"I know," I whisper. My hand finds his chest. "I missed you too."
He rolls onto his back and pulls me toward him, his hand sliding through the slick evidence of us, rubbing it slowly across his cheeks, his eyes never leaving mine.
"Be good," he says, voice low.
I wrap my arms around his neck and drag my tongue along his cheek, his jaw, the corner of his mouth, tasting both of us together. I pull back and look at him.
"More," I whisper.
I lick the other side of his face, the bridge of his nose. He moans. I mean to stop, to kiss him, to bury my face in his chest the way we normally would afterward, and yet I cannot. I reach down and wrap my hand around him, feeling him firm as I stroke slowly, still licking, still lapping, the noise of it and my own sounds filling the room as he groans beneath me.
I slide my fingers inside myself, then bring them to his mouth. He takes them without hesitation, the sound he makes low and desperate, my other hand still working him as I continue across his face. His chest flushes. His jaw tightens.
"Fuck, Asha."
I bend to his ear. “I am yours. I have only ever wanted to kneel for you, that will never change. The only reason I have not is because I carry your children."
A pause.
"When they are born," I whisper, "remind me."
The growl that comes out of him is not quiet. He pulls me into a bruising kiss like he cannot take it anymore. When he pulls back his voice is raw. "I need you covered in me." He pulls back slightly, his eyes finding mine. "And then I want you to sleep between my legs so I can hold you. So that when our children move they can feel me. They can know that I’m here now. That I’m not going anywhere.”
My chest aches.
I look at him, my face inches from his. "Cover me," I whisper.
He kneels over me and with a roar he releases across my face, my throat, my breasts, his hand working through every last moment of it, his eyes on me the entire time like I am the only thing that has ever mattered.
He leans over me, his brow glistening with sweat. "Manners," he rasps.
I look up at him. I trace the mess slowly, gathering it with my fingers before bringing them to my mouth.
"Thank you," I say.
