Reality was calling, and I knew I couldn’t stay in his arms forever. Taking a few shaky breaths, I pushed back the tears and pulled away, wiping my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He took hold of my hands and squeezed them. “You’ve got nothing to apologise for.”
“I needed to talk to someone about it all, and I trust you, Callum.”
“You know I’m always here.”
“I’m so confused with it all.”
“Were you … trying? With Sebastian?”
“I was … on the implant. I mean, I thought I was. With everything that happened over this last year, I forgot I needed to replace it. It wasn’t really on top of my list with …” I trailed off.
He knew what I was referring to. I didn’t have to finish my sentence.
He placed his arm around my shoulders. “Does he know?”
“No … I haven’t told him.”
“Do you not want him involved? I thought you were happy with him?”
“He’s different. Distant. I don’t know what’s going on with him, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure I can have the baby around a man like that. He’s not the man I fell in love with. There was so much anger in him the last time I saw him. It was like he wasn’t truly there. Like he’d flipped into something I didn’t recognise.”
He tensed. “Has he hurt you?”
“No, no, nothing like that. He wouldn’t. I know he wouldn’t.”
“My little Astra, that doesn’t sound like a man who wouldn’t turn at any minute. You’ve just said how much anger was in him. Remember what you went through before. Don’t let anyone else treat you like that. You deserve the world.”
“I know him. He’s not like that.”
“I hate to say it, but Jason was kind to you in the beginning, too.”
My eyes flicked to meet his. He was right. Jason had been kind, loving, everything a man should be with a woman. That had all changed in an instant.
“You’ll always have a place in Leeds with me, if you ever need it.”
I chewed the side of my bottom lip. It wasn’t the worst idea I’d ever heard, but I had a good job down here. I’d made a life here. I wasn’t sure if Sebastian was coming back or if I wanted him back. Would he be able to fully let me go, knowing I had his child down here? At least up there, he wouldn’t find out.
“Look.” He took hold of my hand and met my eyes. “Whatever you need, I’m here. You want to keep the baby, I’ll help you raise it like my own. If you don’t want to, I’ll be there for you, too. Just tell me what you need.”
Callum had always been this way towards me. Caring. There when I needed him. I knew this wouldn’t be any different. When he’d told me to leave Leeds, he’d promised that he’d be there in a heartbeat if I ever needed him. He’d never let me down.
48
Sebastian
Reaching over in bed, I went to pull Aria into me, but I couldn’t feel her. My eyes opened, and then it hit me. She wasn’t here. Her apple smell was still clinging to the bedding like it didn’t want to let go. I rolled over on my back and rubbed my face, then sat on the edge of the bed as this thickness coated my throat.
I sat there staring at the necklace on the bedside table. Fixated on it. I’d felt pain all my life growing up, but this? This was different. I was completely hollow on the inside, like everything had been cut out and tossed aside. The greatest thing I’d ever lost was her.
I’d never regret saving her. I’d do it over and over again if it meant she was safe. But why the fuck did it have to hurt so much?
I snatched the bottle of whisky from the side table and took a swig to drown out those thoughts. My eyes drifted back to the bedding. I needed to get rid of it. I slammed the bottle back on the table, then ripped it all off and bunched it in my arms, takingher smell in one last time before picking the bottle back up and storming out of the room.
I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen and hesitated before pulling the patio doors open and stepping out into the garden. The dampness of the grass soaked my feet as I made my way over to the shed. I didn’t know what time it was, but it was still dark outside.
