I needed to get my cousin back. I needed to find a way to force the stars themselves to yield him.
And then I was going todestroyRiordan Vasilikós.
The first thing I noticed was a throbbing pain that seemed to envelop my entire body. I tried to stretch out the aching stiffness in my muscles, but even that careful movement pulled an involuntary groan of discomfort from me.
“You’re alright,” whispered a soothing voice from just above me. I felt tentative fingers tracing the outline of my forehead and sweeping back through my hair to my ear.
Nuala.
I noticed her scent, lavender and rain, for the first time. It was strangely familiar and might have been soothing in that anguished moment. But there was nothing that could alleviatethe heartache and shame of losing Sage.
And when I felt too much, too deeply, I became even more of a danger to everyone around me than usual.
The realization made me swat her hand, and I almost fell off the couch where I’d been sleeping as I tried to put space between us. My joints protested, aching dully as if my entire body had been stretched.
“You should not touch me when I am not consciously in control of my power! I shouldn’t even be in this camp right now!” I told the startled witch when I realized we were still in my tent at the encampment.
Even my throat was raw from screaming.
I knew I was speaking too sharply, but the fear of what my magic would do to her—along with the entirety of my army around us—terrified me.
Nuala seemed confused and then annoyed with me.
“I have no need to fear your power, Rian DorTìodhlac. Remember?” she reminded me rather sternly.
I glanced down at where she knelt next to the couch in one of the new dresses I had bought with her hair braided over one shoulder. The mulberry-coloured cotton seemed to highlight her delicate paleness. It also accented all the hints of burgundy amidst her dark hair and the healthy blush of her full mouth.
I was unnerved by such an unexpected observation and quickly pulled my attention away from her to focus on controlling my power. I expected it to try and overwhelm me any second as it often did whenever I was emotional, but it felt strangely quiet. Instead of the monstrous force of a volcano ready to erupt from within, I felt a strange emptiness. It was not gone, but I realized it must have been all but scalded out of me by the Light of the Sylvan, and it had not yet been replenished. The hollowness ached with a fierce need to feed and refuel it, but the discomfort of hunger was more manageable than my magic.
“I… I am sorry. I should not have spoken so harshly. Thank you for caring for me,” I acknowledged.
Nuala nodded, her brows pinched with concern, but I turned away from her again. I inhaled deeply through my nostrils and took a moment to try and orient myself.
The last thing I could remember clearly was Ornella healing me, and then the soothing sound of Nuala’s voice as I lost consciousness on the floor of my tent. She must have had help moving me onto the couch where I now sat stiffly away from her with my mother’s knitted blanket tucked around my legs.
“Sage is—” I bit off my words. Unable to say it aloud.
“If he is still alive then you will get him back.”
“You saw it?” I asked hopefully, but the witch quickly shook her head in regret.
“I cannot see anything of the Vale but blinding white. But I know that you would get him back even if you have to rip the stars from the sky,” she explained.
Yes, Iwould, which meant the time for negotiation and compromise with Riordan was long gone. I felt foolish for feeling so much dread over the actions I’d known would need to be taken to win this war for the fey. No more mercy after this. Not after they destroyed Spring Court and took Sage prisoner. I would relish the opportunity to unleash the full force of my wrath upon Riordan.
I usually tried not to feel such powerful emotions too deeply, never dwelled in fear or pain or heartache or rage, but with my magic temporarily quieted…
It felt good to feel again. To acknowledge the fear of my failure and the consequences that it would have for all feykind. To revel in a rage that could consumeeverythingin my quest to make the humans, witches, fey monarchs, and griffins pay for their crimes against me and mine.
To embrace both the pain in my body and the crippling heartache of losing the only person I ever truly loved…
Aodhan.
I sucked in a sharp breath as a vicioussensation ripped through me, like I was splitting in half, the anguish so raw and visceral that it made me wince. Éadrom whined from somewhere nearby in the yurt, but I was already breathing through the worst of the emotions and tucking them away. Feeling grief for the man I failed to love the way he had deserved in life, and avoided mourning in death, was not something I deserved now.
“How long have I been unconscious?” I asked.
“It’s been two days,” Nuala answered, and I cursed at myself under my breath for the lengthy absence.
