Rian closed his pretty gold-and-emerald eyes in relief, swallowing thickly before he turned to face forward again with a determined nod.
“I need to know you are with me, Ornella. I need to know you have the stomach for what we must do next. There can be no hesitation or uncertainty with an enemy like the Sylvan. We cannot underestimate them again.”
Despite everything, there was still just atinypart of me that resisted what I knew he was asking me. I wanted to try and comfort myself with the logic that Amira could not have known any better. She thought I was a hostage, and Balor had clearly told her lies about the Wild Hunt in order to further his agenda.
But no matter how I tried to look at it, regardless of the reasons why it had happened, it simply remained that the Spring Court was gone. Sage was gone.
And that wasunforgivableto me.
“I am with you, Rian,” I swore and gritted my teeth. “Wehave tosave him. I will do anything.”
“Good,” he grunted and reached over his shoulder for the bottle in my hand. “So will I.”
I nodded, knowing how deeply he meant that after the way he almost tore the Vale apart trying to protect Sage. Amira had never defended me like that.
“Now, I’ll ask again; are you ready to leave this bed?” Rian inquired.
My first instinct would have been to lash out in guilt over my desire to hide from the world, but he seemed unsurprised when I shook my head. He merely nodded as if it were what he expected and took a swig of wine.
And it occurred to me that everything about the way he had come to me was intentional. He had not come in tears or with condolences in the way I had been dreading. He had come bearing wine and a common goal that gave me purpose and traction amidst the unbearable anguish, and I was immensely thankful to him for it.
“I need your help to get Sage back, but that means you will need to face this,” Rian advised me, sounding equal parts sympathetic and pragmatic.
I hissed in frustration and turned away. I had an urge to snatch the bottle and tell him to leave me alone, but for some reason, I could not muster the will to make him go. Sage might have been the one who made me start craving companionship again, but apparently that part of me had not gone back to sleep after he was taken from me.
So although the thought of trying to open myself up to anyone aside from my mate felt impossible, I knew Rian was likely my best option. He had been with my brother for twenty years, and he clearly understood my people.
“I do not know… what to say to anyone. They will try to comfort me,” I tried to explain, already cringing at my pathetic excuses. “They will think I didn’t… love him.”
“I won’t allow anyone to think like that,” Rian swore so firmly that it helped me feel at ease. “I know it is not your way to commiserate, and I can try to prepare them for that. But you must also acknowledge that it is not the way of the aes sídhe to repress their emotions. You will need to allow everyone to feel the way they need to feel this situation. And in exchange, I will ensure that you are given the same courtesy.”
I released a long breath, surrendering a good deal of my anxiety. Tears began to prick at my eyes again as my heart was filled with gratefulness instead.
“Alright,” I breathed reluctantly.
“Carrick needs to go home and explain the situation to his family, but he will not go until he speaks with you,” Rian admitted. He shifted around on the floor so he faced me more directly. “He wanted you to go with him—”
“No!” I blurted immediately.
“But I told him no,” Rian continued calmly, raising his eyebrows at me. “I told him your place was here with us, bringing Sage home, but he needs to hear it from you.”
My panic was like a clawed fist around my windpipe when I thought about speaking to Carrick. The thought of Asha learning what happened to her son made me feel ill. They would be devastated, and I was not sure that I had the emotional or mental ability to contend with their pain on top of my own.
“Will you… go with me?” I asked Rian with a grimace of disgust with myself when my voice wavered.
“Of course,” Rian answered, completely unfazed by my pathetic request. “I only ask that you are not unkind. Carrick is going to be upset, and he knows you are upset, so he will try to relate to you the only way he knows how. And if you are anything like your brother… you will feel inclined to lash out,” Rian pointed out.
It was a valid concern considering our interactions.
“I will be there to mediate,” he added when he saw me reconsidering, so I forced myself to nod in agreement. “Good. I will speak to Carrick. We will wait in the main room for you to get dressed,” he told me as he stood.
“Thank you for understanding,” I whispered.
“It took me twenty years to get it right with Aodhan. Lucky for you,” he added with the hint of a weary smile before he exited the bedchamber.
It took me a few moments to work up the motivation to get out of the bed, but I eventually slid out from under Pyrope’s wing. She and Serafin watched me walk over to the clothing trunk against the wall of the tent. I had to set aside a fresh plate of food that Darragh left after taking away the untouched plate from that morning.
But I stopped short as I caught sight of my nude body in the full-length mirror next to the trunk. My hand rose to touch the hickies and love bites Sage left on my neck. Then my fingers slowly navigated south over the tops of my breasts where more markings were scattered. I could still feel the soft warmth of his mouth against my skin and the reverence of his touch.
