“Aodhan made a pair for each of us, and he connected each set to a rider so they would obey our will. Once they aredissolved, they are gone, and I used mine long ago.”
There was another moment of silence while he ate before Ciaran heaved a sigh. “I am sorry,” he muttered.
My head jerked up to look at him, my brows high and my mouth dropping open in astonishment.
“Pardon me?”
“You heard me!” he retorted instantly since he already expected me to tease him. “It was not my intention for you to be vulnerable,” he explained more calmly before returning his attention to his meal. “I was waiting for you to deal with him yourself. If I had known you were unable to protect yourself, I would have intervened sooner.”
I did not trust myself to speak right away, so I merely nodded in understanding. At least it was nice to know that he trusted me to handle myself.
“Yeah. I did not miss the feeling of having my power taken from me,” I admitted eventually. I had been striving for humour, but there was actually a lot of vulnerability in that admission, which shocked me.
“Your people are cunts,” he growled and roughly tore his bread apart to mop up the melted butter on his plate.
His vulgar curse was an unexpected but very welcome shock since that word wasn’t part of the aes sídhe dialect, and he’d had to switch to Sìth Gaeilge. And perhaps I was just too overwhelmed by emotional turmoil, but I laughed at his denouncement. Bracing my elbows on the table and covering my face, I laughed until I cried in exhaustion.
“Theyreallyare,” I agreed, discreetly wiping the tears off my cheeks before going back to my meal.
There was silence again for a moment while we ate, and I warred with the rawness I was feeling. This would usually be the time I sought solitude so I could repress all the uncomfortable memories and feelings, but I no longer wanted to be alone. Iwantedmy mate. I wantedSageso fucking badly that it made me feel sick from the aching for his gentle words and reassuringtouches.
Unfortunately, the closest thing I had to him right then was the grumpy rider in front of me. So I decided to test the olive branch that Ciaran seemed to be extending.
“Thank you… for capturing them.”
Ciaran grunted dismissively at me around a mouthful of food. “As far as I could tell, it was only two of them, which means you should not need to worry about your people for a while,” he said once he had swallowed.
“It won’t be long before my father will send someone to check on them. Acquiring me is very important to him. And there will be other Tiarnaí looking to acquire me or get rid of me as well,” I assured him.
Ciaran slowly lowered his fork to his plate and stared at me for a moment of such deep contemplation that it almost made me regret saying anything to him.
“And what makes them think you would ever agree to use magic for them during the Díothú Mór?” he asked.
Rian had said that he would explain the situation to the other riders to make sure everyone was on the alert for my family. But it was still jarring to hear Ciaran casually speak the name of the tournament that had given me nightmares ever since I escaped Sumarra.
It was honestly the very last thing that I wanted to talk toanyoneabout, least of all Ciaran. It was only out of necessity that I even explained things to Sage and Rian. But I did trust Sage, and I trusted in his love for the man before me; even in spite of all my experiences with him. And it occurred to me that if he understood better what was coming for me, then perhaps Ciaran would be a little more cautious with my safety.
“They do not need my agreement, Ciaran. They will use a harness that my father designed specifically for me to syphon my power,” I explained tentatively.
I did not want to meet his gaze. But I raised my eyes just in time to catch a quick glimpse of the discomfort on his face as hepushed chunks of meat around his plate.
“I was never… I don’t know how much you actually know about dryad culture from my brother,” I hedged.
“Just assume I know nothing. I have the sense that his experience as a male would have been vastly different,” Ciaran advised me with his eyes on his plate. Despite his dismissive mood, something I was coming to suspect was more about his personality rather than his distaste for me, I sensed he genuinely wanted to understand.
“It is tradition for males to bargain with one another foranambonds with powerful females,” I began.
“I know about that,” he confirmed with a quick nod. “Your brother was bound to a female he did not want.”
Someday I was going to need to learn everything that he and Rian knew about Aodhan, but it was not today.
“My mother ensured I was born early and in secret so my father couldn’t force me to bond with the male whose father negotiated for me. You knowanamshare power naturally, but the Ruadhán design harnesses for females that ensure the exchange only goes one way.”
I watched his brows pucker and knew that this was not something Aodhan had told him about.
“When I was born without being bonded to the infant male that my father had selected for me, he had to create a new harness. One that would allow him or someone of his choosing to take control of me. My mother’s bloodline is powerful, so I’m a desirable acquisition,” I explained, bile rising in my throat. “The nature of my harness means that I am not bound only to one male but could be used by whoever has control of it. Meaning someone need only steal it from my father, and they could have me.”
It was a little more complicated. That person would also need my father to show them how to use the harness, but I didn’t bother getting into any of that.
