“Did you come to appreciate his presence?” I asked.
“I did. It just took me a long time.”
“He must have loved you a great deal if he was willing to join the Hunt just to be with you,” I hedged, and Rian tried to conceal his flinch as he nodded.
“Aodhan was not… always liked by everyone he met, but it was only because not everyone got the privilege of knowing the real him. He was reckless with his safety and unforgiving of anyone who threatened us, and I know that made my family… skeptical. He was guarded, but when he did love, it was hard and unapologetically. He was the kind of male who would start wars and raze cities for the people he wanted to protect. You… You would have been one of those people. I know it,” Rian insisted, his voice catching before he brought the bottle to his lips again.
I was quiet as I tried to reframe the male I had met so briefly and under such painful circumstances. For the first time since that day, I deliberately recalled his handsome face and stunning whisky eyes. I thought about how his auburn hair had been braided with gold rings and feathers and wondered if Rian had done it for him. I remembered the way his ears betrayed him, the same way mine always gave away my thoughts and feelings. I tried to imagine how he might have looked without the hateful scowl and wondered how his smile might have lit up his face.
“It is strange to imagine how different my life might have been if he had managed to find me,” I admitted and snagged the pipe back from Rian.
“The two of you together would have ruled Sumarra,” he assured me. “It was always his intention to return to the Rowan Wood and destroy your father’s kingdom.”
“He must have really loathed our people,” I guessed, remembering the aggression with which Aodhan had tried to take me hostage. His threats of violence.
“Aodhan… had nightmares. I cannot…” Rian stopped, raising his head toward the ceiling, and I saw the rims of silver in his eyes. “I cannot make you understand the sort of torment he suffered. I tried everything you could think of to help him, but there was no herb or amount of talking that could help him work through what haunted him.”
Rian stopped and lowered his head, causing one of the tears gathering in his eyes to roll free from his lashes.
“I loved him, Ornella. Enough to do anything for him. When he realized you were one of the Ruadhán…”
I blinked in shock as he trailed off, and I realized what he was not able to say aloud.
“You would have allowed him to hurt me if it helped him feel better,” I acknowledged.
Rian’s jaw flexed as he clenched it, but then he turned his head, and the truth was there for me to see in his eyes. He raised his chin as if to challenge me on whether this revelation wouldimpact our budding relationship. But as much as it should terrify me, his brutal honesty actually felt reassuring. I had spent my life surrounded by people with ulterior motives and secret agendas. The truth of his ruthlessness helped me understand and trust him more.
“Would you let him do it now? If I had killed Ciaran and Aodhan was still here,” I clarified curiously.
“No,” said Rian. “Nor would he have wanted that.”
“Because I am Sage’s mate?”
“Yes, and also because you are a rider, and you are no longer a stranger. But mostly because you are his sister, and it would have meant the world to him to know you,” Rian assured me with another hitch in his voice.
I was quiet as I contemplated the prospect of a brother who would care for me if we had not met as enemies.
“You really think… Had he known—”
“You would have probably wanted to kill one another for a time, you are very similar people, but then you two would have become friends. The first time you got drunk together, which he liked to do quite often, he would have been begging for your forgiveness. It is partly why I could not help but… Once I realized who you were, I could not have harmed you even if I still wanted to. He would never forgive me for it,” Rian admitted as he shook his head.
“You really think he would have forgiven me for… killing him?” I asked tentatively.
“Yes,” he assured me, drawing in a deep breath as he tilted his face up to the ceiling again, and I believed him. Impossible as it seemed, I believed he told the truth.
I quickly wiped away a stray tear as it suddenly rolled free from my eye.
“You said he followed in my footsteps. He loved the wrong person and mutilated someone,” I recalled.
“Yes,” Rian confirmed, looking a little reluctant again, so I guessed my brother’s story was probably going to be just ashorrific as mine. “You supposedly fell in love with a slave while he fell in love with his childhood friend. They were found together by theanamwho was forced upon your brother at his birth. But Aodhan never had any interest in females, and she was extremely bitter about it. He suspected your father may have been putting pressure on her and her family to produce an heir. But regardless of her reasons for what she did, she immediately reported his relationship with Lorcan to your father.”
Rian stopped, his jaw flexing before he took a swig of the wine and passed it back in exchange for the pipe.
“What did they do to him?” I asked, even though I was sure that I would not really want to know after how Rian punished my cousins.
Rian was quiet for some time, exhaling smoke slowly from his nostrils as he stared straight ahead.
“They hurt him,” he said finally.
