“Poppy,” Remi scolds. “You've messed your hair up already.” My daughter and I exchange wide eyes before she starts giggling, and Remi goes to get a brush. “I'm going to do two braids, that way, they shouldn't come undone. Sit still on daddy's lap.”
I watch as Remi starts running the brush through Poppy's dark hair, which is so much like her mother's. Besides the color of her eyes, which are just like mine, she's a perfect replica of Remi, even down to her big heart of gold.
“Are you ready for your first day of school?”
“Yup,” she answers with a bounce, causing Remi to place a hand on her shoulder in silent warning. Then, as if just remembering, her excited smile turns into a kind of pout. “Why can't you come with us to see my classroom?”
That crack in my heart widens just a little further when I see the sadness in her eyes. I smooth a hand over the first finished braid and try my best to give her a carefree smile.
“I really wanted to, Pop, but I have to get out on the boat this morning with uncle Campbell.”
The crease between her eyes deepens as her lower lip drops further. Shit. I wish I didn't make it sound like she wasn't important enough to miss going out fishing.
We made it so that Campbell and I would be going out on the boat in the mornings for the next two weeks so that we wouldn't have to lie about why I wasn't allowed to go to the school.
I hate that I don't get to go with her this morning. Hold her hand as we find her desk. Watch as she makes a new friend or two.
But knowing that in two weeks, I'll finally be off this fucking sex offenders list, well, it's what's keeping me going, and it has me reaching forward to tickle my little girl, pulling some more giggles out of her and turning that frown upside down.
“Daddy!” When the smile starts to drop again, I go for another tactic.
“Uncle Campbell is driving an hour every morning, and if I make him wait any longer, he'll be a big cranky-pants.” I have no problem throwing Campbell under the bus. She loves him almost as much as she loves me, and he can do no wrong in her eyes.
It works, of course, and she nods.
“Mommy's going to take lots and lots of photos for me.”
“Maybe I can even Face-time,” Remi adds. “Then it'll be like he's right there.”
“Yes!”
“Then after school, maybe we can have ice cream on the beach and look for some pretty shells,” I say, tugging on the end of one braid.
Her eyes blow wide with excitement, and she launches herself at me for a hug.
“Today is going to be the best day.” She snuggles in even closer. “I love you, daddy.”
And just like that, everything is okay again.
God, these two women sure know how to melt me from the inside out. I close my eyes holding her little body close to mine.
There have been plentyof hard times over the years, but I can't deny that there has also been plenty of good.
And then there have been times like all those years ago when we went back to our old town a short time after I was let out of the hospital so I could deal with my house, and Jolene had turned up at my door, came toward me and collapsed in my arms, crying and begging for forgiveness.
After a few long, tense moments on my end, I told her that I forgave her. But I don't think she forgave herself for quite some time.
“I love you, too, Popsicle.”
I've come to realize over time that when we suffer through pain and badness, we need to keep a part of that with us so that when the good comes along, we'll recognize it for what it is and truly appreciate it. We'll take hold of it and cherish it.
Opening my eyes again, I find Remi leaning against the bathroom door frame, watching us as she wipes away another tear. And now I'm really thinking, and hoping, that she's pregnant again. She's definitely been on the more emotional side lately.
I hold her gaze over the top of Poppy's head that is leaning against my chest, the moment only breaking when a horn blares outside.
Poppy is off me in a second, bounding for the door. “Uncle Campbell is here!” And then she's gone.
Shaking my head, I get up from the bed and step toward Remi. “If I didn't know that he bribes her with candies, I'd be jealous.”
