“I never was good enough for you, was I? It was exactly as I told you. You wanted some normal guy with some fucking regular job.”
“That's not true.” She takes a tentative step toward me, but my legs step back without permission. “Why are you being like this?”
I tryhardto stop myself from being a dick, from taking my frustrations out on her, but I'm too blinded by overwhelming feelings of agitation and self-loathing to rein in my attack. If she had just let me take the edge off buried inside her warmth, I probably wouldn't be reacting this way. But even as I think it, I know that it's not fucking right, and she's done absolutely nothing wrong.
Why can't I stop myself? Even the tears starting to pool in her eyes don't seem to stop me, and I hate myself even more.
“Well, too bad for you. I don't have a job anymore.” I snicker sardonically at myself.
I messed things up with Ryat, and now it appears I'm doing the same with Jasmine.
“What?” she asks, shocked.
My phone pings on the counter at the perfect time so I don't have to answer her. I scoop it up to read the message, thankful for an excuse to look away from the wounds I'm inflicting on her.
“And I'm not done with that racing,” I tell her, still looking at the text from Reese. “In fact, I have one to go to tonight. Guess you get the fuck-up after all.”
“Cam.”
I can't even look at her right now. I can't bear to see the hurt, plain as day, on her beautiful face.
So, I continue to keep my head down when I swallow thickly and say, “Or you can just stay away from me like I told you to in the beginning.” Pain slices through me at the words that spill out of my mouth. I can't stick around to hear her agree with me. I can't.
I need to leave.
I need to leave.
Grabbing my keys, I head for the door. “I've got to go. I'm sorry.”
“Don't leave,” she whispers.
But I'm already closing the door behind me.
CHAPTER 31
JASMINE
I roughly shove the sheet off my body and stare up at the dark ceiling of my bedroom. My curtains are closed, so there is no light coming through, leaving me blanketed in complete darkness.
I didn't leave Cam's place right away. No, I waited around for hours, hoping that he'd come to his senses and make his way back to me to talk. I ordered dinner for two. Sat and watched TV on his couch with the sound off. I even laid in his bed for a little while, imagining he'd creep in and slide under the covers beside me.
But he never came back.
I finally gave up, taking the long way back to my apartment. Then I crawled into my own bed, feeling lost and wondering where I went wrong.
I'm glad Graham left this morning so that I didn't have to try and explain anything to him. I wouldn't want to get into it with him when I don't even understand it myself.
I've been an anxious mess this whole time, trying to make sense of what happened because I knowsomethingdid.
Cam mentioned not having a job anymore, but I can't imagine what could have happened with it. Did he quit? Have an argument with his cousin? I hadn't seen him for a few days, but we'd still talked over the phone, and he never mentioned any issues.
Sighing, I roll onto my side again.
Yes, I cried when he walked out that door. I had been buzzing with excitement the whole afternoon, choosing to tell Cam about what that guy had said he could do for him in person rather than via text. I couldn't wait to see Cam's reaction. I thought it would be perfect for him, seeing as he loves racing and is good at it, yet he always acts as if he's ashamed of doing it the way he has been.
I jump when my phone vibrates beside my head and then immediately push up to a sitting position when I see his name. “Cam?”
“Jaz.” He sighs into the phone, sounding almost relieved that I answered. “Jazzy, Jaz, Jaz,” he then adds with a slur and a chuckle, and I realize he's drunk.
