“Don't worry, 'bout a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright.”
I know he's singing it for my benefit, and I wish I could believe the words. But I don't.
A soft tap on my back brings me out of my head, and I sit up, looking down at Walter. “You better get my son back in here now.”
Oh god.
This is it.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I take his hand in mine, holding it tight to my face.
I'm not ready.
As if he can hear my thoughts, he nods. “It's time, sweetheart.”
I shake my head, holding his hand against my cheek for a few more precious seconds before giving it one more squeeze, not wanting to let it go but knowing that I need to.“Goodnight, Walter.”
“Goodnight, Jaz,” he whispers back with a serene smile.
I turn around, heavy-weighing breaths barely filling my lungs with each step I take toward his door. Before pushing through, I turn around to look at him one last time, but he's not facing me. He's looking over toward the window, probably imagining the day I described to him. He looks peaceful. Calm. I know he said not to remember him from today, but this is how I always want to think of him.
At peace.
Making my way out into the hall, I find Weston and Ella close by. “Thank you,” I tell them, followed by a sniffle.
Weston shakes his head. “No. Thankyoufor being here with him these past months. He always spoke about you.”
I suck my lips in, trying to hold back my heartache, and nod.
Why is it that such nice words make it hurt even more?
He touches my arm and then moves past me, walking back into Walter's room to spend his last minutes with him.
I'm barely holding it together by the time I make it to Graham, who's lingering by the nurse's station. He doesn't say anything, just reaches out and pulls me into him, hugging me close and rocking us slightly. Tears pour freely from my eyes.
“I'm sorry, Jaz,” he finally whispers close to my ear.
As comforting as he's being and as much as I love him, his arms aren't the ones I want holding me right now. I need Cam. Pulling back, I look up at Graham through blurry eyes. “Can you take me to Cam's place?”
“Yeah.” He keeps one arm wrapped around me and guides us toward the elevator. “Let's go.”
We pull up outside Cam's apartment a short time later, my heavy, grieving heart in my hands because my chest is too crushed to hold it. I lean across the console to hug Graham. “Thank you, and sorry about ruining your day.”
“Hey,” he says, pushing me back to look at my face. “Don't you dare apologize, Jaz. Okay?” I give him a slight nod, looking down. “I'll wait here until I get a text from you, just in case he's not here.”
Oh. Right. I'd almost forgotten about that possibility. I didn't receive a reply after my last message either. God, I hope he's here.
“I'll text you if I'm staying.”
After stepping out of his car, I sniff and wipe my hands over my face, even though it'll do nothing for my puffy, bloodshot eyes, and then make my way into his building.
As I walk the steps up to his apartment, I can't help but wonder if Walter is sleeping yet. Grief constricts my lungs at that thought, and my legs move faster up the stairs.
“Everything is gonna be alright.”
I need Cam.
I need him to hold me close.
