Chapter Nineteen
Thenextday,TatianatoldhimthatthedatewassetforJerah'sfuneral,andeverythingfeltfarmorerealandpainfulthanithadthedaybefore.
“Two days,” he repeated hollowly, looking down at the breakfast table where they sat. Tatiana was across from him, a tired but resolute expression on her face, only a mug of tea in front of her. Kade was next to him, his expression inscrutable. All three of them seemed to have little appetite.
The words made it feel as though he had been in a fugue state for the past forty-eight hours and had only now awakened. How had he felt anything but this unsettled grief in the pit of his stomach? Last night already seemed like it had been years ago.
“Yes,” Tatiana sighed, bringing the cup of tea to her lips and taking a small, careful sip. “And then... There's a coronation ceremony you'll have to partake in. A week from then.”
Florian groaned, pressing his face into his hands. He had been to one funeral that he could remember—a teacher from his high school—but there he had been with a group of students in the back. The idea of being at his father's funeral, a king's funeral, made him feel like he might puke despite his empty stomach. Then a whole coronation ceremony the week after... He wanted to run away, to go back home to Earth and never come back.
But he couldn't, not anymore. He had the first Arrow, and they had to find the rest. And he had Kade now too, but he suspected that Kade would not follow him to Earth if it meant staying there forever. Tatiana had said that she would still handle the day to day of the Winter Court: he would just be a figurehead, at least for now. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. He would just have to get through the next week first.
“Okay,” he said, doing his best to slow his breathing down. “What do I have to do for those?”
“Honestly? I really just need you to show up,” Tatiana answered, a wry, weary smile spreading across her face. “But if you want to help with some of the arrangements, I wouldn't say no to that.”
Florian glanced over at Kade again. He nodded once, silently, and Florian turned back to Tatiana. “Yeah, we can help.”
She ended up putting him in charge of the flower arrangements, telling him which workers were in charge of what in the gardens, and who would help him find suitable flowers. Overall it seemed like an enjoyable enough task, though the reason for it certainly cast a shadow over what might have otherwise been a pleasant inventory of the garden and its offerings.
It was strange, he thought, as he followed one of the workers through the garden later that day, trying to parse out his feelings about everything that had happened. Jerah was his father, but he had only known him for a month. For a lifetime before that, he had quietly resented the man, but he may as well have been a stranger. Their relationship was promising, and there was certainly affection between them, but... He only truly felt grief when he thought about what they could have had, if only they’d had more time. It was a tragedy, to be sure; one that sent his future spiraling into an uncertain void in this strange world, but all he felt was a dull ache, something cold and impersonal. It was easy to tuck away the distant sadness into the same little compartment where he kept his thoughts about his mother, another loss of a person he barely knew, even less than his father.
Kade had been listening attentively to the worker as they walked, occasionally glancing back at Florian; and he could tell that Kade knew he was only half-listening at best. He managed a slight smile as Kade caught his eye.
He was lucky to have him. If Kade had left, if he hadn't stopped to say goodbye the morning before... He didn't want to think of that.
They had each other, now. And they had the first Arrow, and his father's notes would guide them to the next: that was the knowledge he could cling to for now. Everything else would come in its own time.
Kade followed him to his room again that night, and Florian gratefully let him in. Being alone would have been unbearable, and there was something comforting in the semblance of a routine that his presence created.
For a long while, they laid quietly in the dark. Florian's eyes stayed open, listening to the sound of Kade’s breath. He wasn't sure how long they were laying there, before he rolled onto his back so he could look over at Kade.
“Are you awake?” he whispered, and Kade's eyes snapped open.
“Yes,” he said.
“I can't sleep.”
“Me neither.”
He leaned closer, pressing his face to Kade's. Their lips met tentatively at first, but Kade's mouth was soft and pliant against his, yielding readily as Florian pressed closer and shifted his weight until he was on top of him. Kade's arm was still wrapped around his waist, and the other came up to hold him—his hand pressed against the small of Florian's back. They kissed sleepily, lazily, until Florian pulled away just enough to murmur,
“Is this okay?”
Kade nodded, his eyes still closed. The moonlight from Florian's window caught the edge of his face, casting a long, subtle shadow from his eyelashes down his cheek. Florian leaned down and softly kissed just under his eyes, eyelashes tickling against his lips. Kade made a soft noise as he did, half surprise and half pleasure, and that was more than enough to make up Florian's mind. He moved away, falling back against his pillows and pulling Kade with him—half on his side and half on top of him—eyes open now to give him a questioning glance.
“Take your shirt off,” he said. And with only a beat of silence, as he seemed to process the words, Kade obeyed, sitting up to pull his shirt off. Florian sat up with him, taking his own off, then hesitated with his hands around the waistband of his underwear. “Don't laugh, okay?”
“Florian,” Kade replied with a frown. “Do you really think I would laugh at you?”
“No,” he stammered, looking away and hoping the flush on his face wasn't too apparent in the darkness. “But I... I don't know. I guess I'm self conscious. Only one other person has really seen me naked. It still feels weird.”
Kade shook his head. “I'm not going to laugh. And anyway, you can look however you want to, whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”
Florian considered it for a moment. “No,” he finally said, stifling a laugh. “I feel like if I'm gonna have a dick I should figure that out ahead of time. Is it weird that I haven't, like... tried that yet?”
“Not weird. It's fine,” Kade said, his eyes flashing earnestly as he looked Florian over. “It doesn't matter to me what you have, what you look like. So I won't laugh. I promise. Okay?” He paused, then added, “Want me to take mine off first?”
