Florian nodded, gingerly setting it down. He still felt tense, like a spring was coiled tightly in the pit of his stomach, like there was something he needed to say first—but he didn’t know what. So instead, he silently stepped past Kade into the bathroom, mechanically taking off his clothes and rinsing off in the shower, watching the water stream down him in red-tinged rivulets until it ran clear.
When he came back out, Kade was gone.
He laid out facedown on the bed so that when he closed his eyes, his vision was completely dark, trying to push all the images of the panther woman out of his mind—her frightened eyes, the blood gushing from her neck—though with little success.
“Florian,” Kade’s voice came from the doorway, snapping him out of his unpleasant thoughts. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” he said, abruptly pushing himself up into a sitting position. Kade was in clean clothes, holding a leather quiver in one hand. Now that he had changed, he looked as perfectly calm as ever, a stark contrast to how shaken Florian still felt. “Thanks for... for finding that.”
Kade set the quiver on the table next to the Arrow, but his eyes lingered on Florian with uncertainty. “Are you okay?” he asked, coming to sit next to him.
“I...” Florian started, only to trail off. His throat tightened and his eyes burned—how many times had he cried today? Biting back his tears, he waited until he could speak without feeling like he might start to sob. “I don’t know.”
He looked down at his hands, unable to meet Kade’s eyes. For a moment they were both silent, then cautiously Kade reached out and touched one of his hands.
“Can I help at all?” he asked softly.
“I think—” Florian stammered, that same maddening feeling of wanting to say something, but not knowing what, coming over him again. “Can I—” He groaned, shaking his head. “Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”
Kade’s hand gave a tiny start, as if he were surprised by the words. He considered it for a long moment before speaking.
“Of course we are,” he murmured. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
“What if we just end up hurting more people?” Florian pressed, finally managing to glance up at his face. Kade’s brows were furrowed, the concern obvious on his face; but the expression softened slightly when Florian looked at him. “Those... panther shifters. What if we could have turned them back somehow? What if taking the Arrow just killed them all? What if it’s like this everywhere we have to go? And what if we can’t even use them right?”
Kade nodded, looking down at their joined hands. “The only other option is not to do anything,” he finally said. “And I think that’s definitely wrong.”
“What if we just keep making things even worse?” Florian said, shaking his head. “What if I just keep getting people killed?”
“Florian,” Kade interrupted, squeezing his hand hard. “That’s not your fault. They were attacking us. They would have killed us if they could have.”
“I still—I still—” he said, his voice starting to break; and angrily he stood, pressing his hands to his eyes. He was so sick of crying. “I stilldidit. And my dad—all of them—what if those dogs were shifters once too?”
“They weren’t,” Kade retorted. “They were Blighted monsters.”
“But how do weknowthat?” Florian pressed, turning to face him. The frustration must have been obvious on his face. Kade looked silently at him for a long moment before breathing out a heavy sigh.
“We don’t,” he finally relented. “But even if they were, we don’t know how we could have helped them. All we can do is what we think is best. Wedoknow how to help everyone else, by getting the Arrows and taking them to the Summer Court.”
“Do we? Are we just going to fuck up the world even worse?”
“Maybe,” Kade sighed, shaking his head. “Or maybe we’ll save it. We have to try, Florian. Quitting now won’t bring anyone back. The past stays where it is.”
The words made all the tension coiled in Florian’s torso finally break, and his shoulders sagged as his resolution broke.
“You’re right,” he muttered miserably, looking away. “I know. I hate that you’re right.”
His eyes lingered on the Arrow, still set on their bedside table, and the leather quiver next to it. The weight of everything felt unbearable, like he would be crushed underneath the responsibility no matter what he did. The Arrows, Queen Soleil, and the spirit attached to him that was still an utter mystery—he should have stayed home in Coral Shore when Jerah came that first time. None of it seemed worth all this struggle.
“Florian,” Kade said, reaching for him. “I want to help. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
“I don’t know,” he muttered, shaking his head. Trying to put it into words seemed impossible. “I feel... guilty, I guess.”
He turned to look at Kade, who was still peering over at him with the same expression—stoic, calm, the eye of a storm. Florian stepped closer, and Kade opened his arms to hold him.
“You don’t have to feel guilty,” Kade murmured, his voice slightly muffled against Florian’s shoulders. Still seated, Kade’s face fit in the crook of his neck. “You were doing what you had to do. You were keeping us safe. You protected me.”
“I guess so,” Florian relented, feeling his tense muscles start to relax into Kade’s sturdy form. More than anything, he just didn’t want to have to think about any of it anymore.
