“If you don’t want me working for that woman—” he started, and Adrissu groaned, starting to fuck him in earnest again to cut him off.
“I don’t want to think about any of that right now,” he growled, fucking him harder until Pollux was yelping and moaning with each thrust. “Focus onme.None of that matters.”
“Only you,” Pollux agreed breathlessly, his cock leaking onto his belly. Adrissu grasped his length, making him moan, and stroked him in time with each thrust. “Fuck—oh, fuck, yes, only you—onlyyou, Adrissu, please.”
He shuddered and came with a wordless cry, his cock pulsing hard in Adrissu’s hand as he shot lines of come up his chest. Adrissu only lasted a few more thrusts, rutting deep into him until he too came with a gasp.
They stayed that way for a long moment, until Adrissu’s breathing slowed to a normal rate, and Pollux was pushing him away playfully. When they were cleaned up, though, and sitting side-by-side in Adrissu’s study to read together, Pollux seemed quiet and pensive again.
“What are you thinking, hmm?” Adrissu murmured, nudging him slightly with his elbow. Pollux smiled weakly, but the same listless expression lingered.
“I’m already not sure about this agreement with the Lord Representative,” he sighed, leaning against Adrissu. “I can make more weapons, of course, but should I? For her? Is it really worth it?”
“You haven’t signed anything yet,” Adrissu answered softly. “But, well. If it’s you supplying her, at least we know it’s there. And you can... You know. Maybe, ah,alterthe design enough that it perhaps is not quite as powerful as she’s hoping for.”
Pollux was quiet for a long moment. “You don’t think that would upset her?”
Adrissu shrugged. “Only if she found out.”
“She has an original Blackthorn, so I’m sure she’d be able to tell the difference.”
“What is it, exactly, that you feel so uncertain about?” Adrissu pressed. “It was not that long ago that you wanted to make something stronger. Even now, you make weapons. Why is this so different?”
“Because I made it to harmyou,” Pollux snapped in reply, his expression becoming pained. “And I wish I hadn’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I wish I had never wanted to hurt you. And, yes, I know—you don’t care, you forgive me, all that. It helps. It does. But I remember what I felt, what I thought, and it embarrasses me to have ever been that way at all.”
Adrissu leaned back to look at Pollux in the face. The elf wouldn’t meet his eyes at first, looking tersely down at his fists clenched in his lap. After a moment, he looked up through his eyelashes at Adrissu, looking so patheticallyyoungthat Adrissu couldn’t help but feel sorrow for him.
“Pollux,” he said softly, taking the elf’s hands in his own. “Do you remember anything of what I was like in your previous lives?”
Pollux blinked in surprise, considering him now with an expression of confusion. “Before...? I mean, a little bit.”
“Perhaps you remember me as vain and arrogant,” Adrissu said. “Maybe you remember that I was even cruel, to others, if not to you. But you don’t remember far back enough to see howdifferentI was when you were Ruan. I very well may have been a different person then, too. The way I saw the world was… much more draconic. I hated that fate had bound me to you, and in a way, I hatedyou. I was cold and unkind to Ruan, very often. And even though I have tried my best in all your subsequent lives to be kinder, to show you love more openly, I still think all the time about how terribly I treated Ruan—and how fiercely he loved me anyway. So please understand that I really do empathize with being ashamed of your past self. I can’t promise that you will ever feel that you’ve atoned in your own eyes, but in mine, I forgave you long ago. And in my experience, someday you will be able to see that having things you regret doing is just a sign that you’re growing and improving. So if we can make sure that the Elafaer family doesn’t go to some other weapons-maker to get her disproportionately dangerous arms, and make a little coin at the same time, I think that seems like a good deal.”
“I...” Pollux started, only to trail off uncertainly. He seemed to mull it all over for a second, then smiled hesitantly over at Adrissu again. “I don’t really remember you being that different from how you are now. I remember Kian best, and you were always kind to me then. And Braern. Were you really so different with Ruan?”
“Very much so,” Adrissu sighed, glancing away with some discomfort for the first time. He always remembered Ruan fondly, as he did all his mate’s previous iterations, but it had been a long time since he had considered how he himself had been back then. Would Ruan have willingly chosen him if it weren’t for the draconic magic drawing them together? Considering how cold Adrissu was to him for so long, part of him doubted it, but he didn’t like to follow that train of thought. The truth was that they were here now, together, and Ruanhadchosen him, as all his subsequent lives had chosen him.
“Somehow I’ve always assumed that you’ve been exactly the same all this time,” Pollux chuckled, breaking him from his thoughts. “But I suppose that doesn’t make sense once you think about it. You’ve lived this long. Why wouldn’t you change?”
“Why wouldn’t I indeed,” he murmured in reply, but the thought struck him. Whywouldn’the? He had changed quite a bit since he had first met his mate. He had been so preoccupied with how much his mate had evolved since he was Ruan, yet he was absolutely not the same Adrissu that he had been so long ago. It was a strange thought, but comforting somehow. They were both different, but still together, and that was what mattered.
“All this to say,” he continued abruptly, squeezing Pollux’s shoulder. “I truly do not care whether or not you work with this woman. If you decide you don’t want to for your own reasons, then by all means, back out before you’ve signed anything. But if it’s only out of some loyalty to me, or something along those lines, that should not be a factor here. Even if she causes us some sort of trouble, all we would need to do is lie low for a while until she dies and there’s a new Lord Representative to deal with instead.”
Pollux laughed aloud at that—a rare sound, but one Adrissu was becoming increasingly familiar with. “I suppose that’s one way to approach the problem, isn’t it? You do win when you can outlive everything.”
Adrissu grinned at him, all his teeth showing. “I always win eventually.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Aftersomedeliberation,Polluxdid end up signing the contract to make five modified Blackthorn weapons for the Elafaer family over the course of a year. The first few months he would spend developing a new model, and the remainder of the year would be spent producing them. He did not seem entirely happy about the arrangement, but Adrissu’s reassurances that it would not bother him seemed to sway Pollux’s opinion enough that he agreed.
When Adrissu asked him about the new model, Pollux’s answer was noncommittal. He didn’t seem to have a solid idea of what he would change and how, only that it would have a far less brutal punch to it since it would only need to pierce mortal flesh, not dragon scale. He spent the first three months sketching out various different designs, but finally seemed to settle on one that had a thicker barrel and a smaller steam canister—overall, Adrissu thought it looked rather more intimidating, but in reality would be far less lethal than the original. He did not join Pollux for any of his subsequent meetings with Willow, but she seemed satisfied with the menacing appearance of the new weapons and gave him the go ahead to begin production. Adrissu saw him less and less after that, as his work took up most of his time.
Two months into his work, Pollux left in the morning more irritable than normal and returned later that night completely miserable, muttering to Adrissu as he stomped up the stairs that his heat was coming on.
Adrissu had been with him through his last few heats and knew now that Pollux was especially cold and angry in the day or so leading up to it, so he gave the elf a wide berth for the rest of the evening, anticipation simmering in his gut—knowing that when Pollux came to him of his own accord, it would be positively explosive.
When he came to bed, Pollux was already laying down, but his eyes were open and watching him, gleaming in the dark. He said nothing, nor did he move toward Adrissu as he got into bed beside him. Adrissu could all but smell the arousal on him; but he closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and waited. As if to spite the both of them, Pollux remained motionless still for a long while, and Adrissu almost fell asleep before he felt Pollux finally stir next to him, shuffling closer and putting a hand on his chest.
