He would never go back to Earth to see his uncle August again—would never visit their souvenir shop or his old bedroom. He would never feel the cold water of the ocean lapping at his feet or breathe in the cool salty air of home.
He would never go on that road trip with Nadia.
Tears filled his eyes anew, and he couldn’t fight them back any longer.
“Oh, sweet boy,” Soleil murmured, holding him closer as he wept, like a mother comforting her child. “I know. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not fair,” he choked out, pressing his face into her shoulder. “I did all this—and I can’t even go home?”
Maybe it would be better to die. If he couldn’t be with his friends and family anyway, why go back? What would be the point? Wouldn’t it be kinder to them to end it now and let them move on properly?
He should have listened to Elodie when she told him to go back to Earth to say goodbye. Why had he been so stubborn? She had tried to warn him, and now he would never see them again. He would never see his home again.
“You’re right, it isn’t fair,” Soleil said softly. “But, Florian, it won’t be like how it was for me. All your friends and family can come to you. There will be nothing hindering them. All I wanted was more time with the one I loved. If you can have that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”
Florian wiped his eyes, trying to stifle his tears. That was only a small comfort. Even if others could come to him, he would still be trapped with so much of his life ahead of him, and so much more he could have done. Nadia wouldn’t be able to come to him. And even those who did come would eventually leave. The world would change so much, and it would leave him behind.
But hewantedto spend more time with Kade. He couldn’t deny the lovesick ache in his chest when he thought of the other man. Was it fair to Kade to make the decision without him? Maybe, when Florian explained he couldn’t leave, Kade would decide that they couldn’t make it work. But maybe they could figure something out. It wouldn’t be like how Florian had imagined, but they could still be together.
And they would never be able to spend every day together when this was over, anyway. Kade was the wolf king now, and while he could stay away from the kingdom for a little while, it couldn’t be forever. Florian would have had his own responsibilities in the Winter Court. Even before this, their relationship was going to change soon—this was just another obstacle.
He couldn’t refuse them that chance. Kade was smart, and they would have a long time to think things through. They could come up with a solution, surely. They had gotten this far, hadn’t they? So what was one more complication in the grand scheme of things?
“Yeah,” Florian whispered. “Yeah, that would be worth it.”
Soleil gave him one last affectionate squeeze, then let him go. Her own eyes were glassy as she took a step back, but she had a knowing smile on her face.
“I think so too,” she agreed. She cupped her hands in front of her, holding a softly glowing silvery orb in her palms. “And I think he would agree.”
It felt familiar, as Florian looked at the orb curiously. Thaddeus’ soul, he realized. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he was certain that this was what remained of the man—the part of Thaddeus that he had carried with him his whole life. For all his mixed feelings about the man, and everything his soul tether had set into motion, it felt bittersweet to see him now and know that they would be separated forever.
They stood there looking at each other for a long moment, and Florian wondered if she felt as uncertain about everything as he did; or if she was afraid of what was coming next.
“You can stay here as long as you want,” Soleil finally said. “And go back whenever you’re ready.”
“Where will you go?” Florian asked.
She looked down at the silvery orb in her hands with a small, sad smile. “Beyond, I suppose. To whatever comes next. Together, like we were always meant to.”
That would make it all worth it, Florian thought. Whatever came next, if he was together with Kade, that would be worth it.
“Thank you, Florian,” she continued. “Whatever you decide, I’m sure it will be the right decision.”
“Thank you,” he echoed softly.
“Goodbye,” Soleil said, giving him one last smile, before she took another step away and faded from his vision.
“Bye,” he whispered.He stood staring at the spot where she once was for a long moment. It had been that easy—she had just stepped away, and she and Thaddeus were gone. Easier than falling asleep. Easier than going back to the Veil, that was for sure. Part of him still wanted to follow her, exhausted and ready to be done with it all.
But his thoughts kept coming back to Kade, and the thought of leaving became heartbreaking. No, if there was any chance, no matter how slim, that he could stay with Kade and be happy, he had to take it. If his friends could still come to him—tell himabout the changing world and their place in it—that had to be worth it.
Overwhelmed, he sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands, trying not to cry all over again. Why did everything have to be so hard? Just this once, couldn’t something in his life be easy? Couldn’t he have a win without stipulations and drawbacks? Was wanting to go home really so much to ask?
Now that Soleil was gone, he was struck with that same longing for his mother. He wondered if she was here, wherever this was, somewhere between life and death. Maybe his father was here too, and they were watching him—maybe with pity, or pride, or all the same conflicting feelings that he had toward them. But the primal part of him still yearned for that sense of comfort and protection, vulnerable as he felt at that moment. He would never get that, either.
Florian sat there feeling sorry for himself for a long time—he had no idea how long it was. It might have been a few minutes, or a few hours, or a whole day, maybe. There was no sense of movement or change in the light here. Part of him suspected it would be no time at all when he left, whichever exit he took.
He had to try. He hadn’t given up so far. Was he really going to give up now?
