“But that’s all we’ll have,” Alwyn sighed. “And we’ll be in the belly of the beast for far longer than I’d like.”
What worried him the most had to remain unspoken—that he felt more unsure now than ever before whether he could carry out the task Tessarion had laid out for him. He would have to make sure the timing was perfect; and he wondered if he would be able to seize the opportunity when it appeared, or if the chance would pass him by. Or worse, if they would die without ever getting in sight of Zesh or this druid.
“Alwyn,” Krujha said softly. Alwyn glanced up at him again, trying to consciously relax his furrowed brows. “I know you’ve never relied on anyone other than yourself. But you’re going to have to trust me when we’re there. Neither of us will make it out on our own. We have to keep working together.”
“I know,” Alwyn said, nodding.
“I promise I’ll protect you. I want to keep you safe,” Krujha said, and Alwyn felt like his face was going to burst into flames.
“I don’t need protection,” he mumbled, turning away. He should have been furious at the insinuation—should haveprotested that as a High Sorcerer, he had no need of anyone else to keep him safe. But the part of him that was still sweetly buzzing in the afterglow of what they’d just done wanted to cling to the words, to let them sustain him.
“You’re wrong.” Krujha’s voice was low and soft, but the denial still sent warm indignation flooding Alwyn’s veins. The orc’s face was entirely sincere as he met Alwyn’s gaze. “We’re going to need each other. This mission is going to rely on trust, and luck, and all the help we can get. I’ll protect you, and I’m relying on you to protect me, too.”
That, at least, Alwyn couldn’t deny. He gave a nod, relenting. They sat in silence for a moment before Alwyn added, “We should both get some rest.”
When he stood to go, Krujha grinned at him salaciously. “This was fun. I hope we can do it again. We’re about to have a lot more alone time together, after all.”
Alwyn scowled, feeling heat rush into his face all over again. “Keep hoping.”
He could still hear Krujha laughing as he hurried back to his own room. It was just a one-time thing, he told himself—a moment of stress relief, a need for connection, that he would not allow to happen again. That was all there was to it.
As he lay down in his own bed to finally rest, though, he found himself hoping traitorously that Krujha would tempt him again.
Chapter Nineteen
Alwyn
They set out in the morning on fresh horses, their saddlebags laden with supplies. It was a far less bleak situation than they had been in just a few days ago, but when Drol Kuggradh faded from sight, Alwyn was more nervous than when he’d left Castle Aefraya.
It truly felt like winter now, the cold air biting his skin wherever it was exposed, even in the afternoon. As they traveled northwest, they expected it might snow before reaching Zesh’s camp; but for now, the skies remained blessedly clear. A small thing, but one he was grateful for all the same.
They would eventually have to cut through untamed wilderness, so Alwyn was also trying to be thankful for the path while it lasted. Ahead of him, Krujha seemed as annoyingly cheerful as ever, humming and whistling as their horses trod the worn dirt path. He wondered how Krujha could be in such a good mood with such an insurmountable task set before them.
“You’re wound tight as a spring,” Krujha commented when they paused to eat a midday meal and stretch their legs. The food was cold but fresh: wild rice wrapped in fragrant leavesand stuffed with an herbaceous mushroom filling, another thing Alwyn tried to be grateful for after days of cheese and hardtack. He grimaced over at Krujha as he took a bite of the rice.
“I don’t understand how you’re not more anxious,” he mumbled. “We’re probably going to die.”
Krujha barked out a laugh, and despite his annoyance, Alwyn couldn’t fight the tiny smile on his lips in response. He hated how endearing the orc was. “We could die before we even get there. We could have died from any number of things at any point so far. Why let it bother you so much now?”
Alwyn’s smile faltered again. He couldn’t explain to Krujha that his true worries were not that he would die, but that he would fail in killing Zesh. So instead, he only shrugged. “I guess I don’t know how. How do you justnotworry about something?”
“I think of other things.”
“I’ve been trying to do that. Like how I’m glad it’s not snowing, and that we have fresh food, instead of old rations.”
“That’s a good start,” Krujha chuckled, and a wicked gleam flickered across his eyes. “Helps if you have something to look forward to, like when we make camp tonight.”
Heat flooded Alwyn’s face, but he couldn’t deny the thrill of anticipation that raced through him.
“It’s been cold enough, we should probably share a tent,” he said dryly, hating how easily he abandoned his conviction that last night would never happen again. But the way Krujha’s grin widened made his stomach flutter and his head swim, and Alwyn knew he couldn’t deny himself.
Their days continued in much the same way. The surrounding landscape became all the more stark and brown as winter dug itscold claws into the earth. Each day was a little cooler and a little shorter than the last; on the third morning, they emerged from their tent to find a fine dusting of snow on the ground around them.
At night, Krujha pulled Alwyn into his bedroll, leaving them both sated and warm by the time they actually settled to sleep. It was... strange. Not at all like the sex he’d had back in Aefraya, which had been more transactional than anything else. Krujha seemed entirely concerned with his pleasure in a way he hadn’t experienced before. Alwyn thought maybe he would be willing to try working up to some part of the orc’s cock being inside him, but Krujha hadn’t pressed the matter at all.
The whole situation made an unfamiliar warmth curl somewhere deep in his chest, something like affection. As much as he told himself that they needed to keep each other at arm’s length, they spent their days within a few feet of each other at all times—their nights even closer—and he couldn’t bring himself to fight or regret it.
Alwyn was careful to never kiss him, and Krujha had never tried. It still felt like a line that could never be uncrossed. After all this was done, he would probably never see Krujha again—kissing him would be too emotionally fraught, knowing their time was limited. In the end, their connection could only be physical. There was no lasting emotion behind it, so there was no need for something likekissing.
