Chapter 37
April
“Jade, I’m scared,” April admitted. “If I bite the bullet and come out, I could lose my career.”
Jade closed her eyes and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling as she opened her eyes and met April’s. “If you agree to go along with this plan, you’ll be living a lie.”
April’s breath hitched as she heard what was truly meant by Jade’s statement.
Jade glanced at the door, ensuring no-one was watching before taking a small step forward and lowering her voice to be safe. “Babe, I’m not giving you an ultimatum, really, I’m not. I’m willing to wait as long as you need before you’re ready to come out onyourterms. Even if that means a year, or three, or evenlonger. As your partner, I will support whatever decisionyouchoose to make. If you’re not ready to come out, I’ll wait with you until you are. If you want to come out, I’ll be by your side for whatever happens. But the only thing I’ve ever asked of you is that you don’t lie about me. We chose the title of partners instead of girlfriends to make it easier for you to do just that. You can talk about me in general without being specific if it comes up. I’ve never asked anything more of you than that. But,” April’s face was filled with every fear-filled emotion possible, and she could only watch as her partner dropped her gaze and squeezed her eyes closed before she continued. “If you agree to go ahead with your dad's plan, that’s a lie, and I refuse to be a part of that. I can’t do it, April. You mean far too much to me for me to survive watching that play out in public.”
April made a move to reach out and touch Jade’s arm but stopped millimeters from making contact and retreated her hand.
Jade took a breath as she dipped her head before continuing, “I know I’m a confident person. I know who I am. I’ve spent years getting to a point where I’m comfortable in my own skin and in my own head. Saying that, I’m still human, and that means having fears that who I am isn’t enough for the people I hope to be more than enough for. So, in the case where you go ahead with this, it not only conceals who you are from the world,” Jade looked up and April’s own tear-filled eyes were met by those of her partners, “it makes me feel like I’m not enough for what you need to be truly yourself.”
“Jade, I...” April drifted off. She didn’t know what she could say.
So many thoughts fought in her mind to be the one she needed to say to reassure Jade that she wasn’t just enough; she wasbeyondenough for April. She wanted to say that without Jade, April wouldn’t know who she was anymore. She wanted to saythat if she had to choose, right then and there, between going ahead with her Dad’s plan that would cost her Jade, or choosing to be open about her relationship with Jade that could cost her a set-back in her career, she’d choose Jade. Every time.
Yet as she took a breath to say just that, Jade gently shook her head, then began to speak.
“Look,” Jade started, “we’ve gone these past few days focusing on work without interruptions and distractions. Maybe we should continue for the rest of the tournament the same way. We’ll take a step back and really think if we’re ready to fight for this.” Jade let out a breath and wiped a tear that was trickling down her cheek.
“Are you, are you breaking up with me?” April asked, unable to hide the panic in her whispered voice.
“No, babe, I’m not. I just think we’ve had an intense past few months and making big life decisions under these circumstances might make our choices difficult to see clearly. We should take the rest of the week and maybe be radio silent for it. See if this is what we both want, includingeverything elsethat comes with it.”
April knew she was referring to the media’s unwanted spotlight, the invasion of privacy if they chose to come out as a couple, and whatever fallout came from her sponsors. But most importantly: her family.
“Jade, no, I don’t want to face this without you,” she pleaded.
“You’re stronger than you know, April.” Jade said to her, sadness filling those beautiful emerald eyes that always felt like home. “This is a decision I can’t make for you, and I don’t want you to make this decision for me, either. It must be entirely your choice. You need to consider the impact on all aspects of your life, not just us, and I don’t think that can happen if I’m so close when you make it.”
April sniffed back a sob, reaching up to dry more tears that were making their way down her face. “Youswearthis is only for one week.” Jade nodded. “I need to hear you say it, babe,please.”
Jade took a breath, rubbed the tears from her eyes and looked at April, “One week. I’ll be there at the US Open.”
Their eyes locked. Nothing else was said. Jade reached out for April’s hand and lifted it to her lips, before turning around and leaving the room.
April silently sobbed at the loss. Why did this feel so final? What happened to her life this past week? How would she get through the next week without Jade by her side?
Someone clearing their throat in front of her made her jump.
Suzie stood just inside the doorway, her arms across her chest with a look far too smug for her to be up to any good.
“Oh darlin’, bad day? I can’timaginehow you’re going to play tomorrow like this. I mean, heartbreak can play havoc with the mind, don’t you think?” Suzie’s face morphed into a sinister grin. The Southern Bell from Hell took center stage to announce whatever she had planned for April.
April’s skin suddenly chilled, like a cornered animal moments from becoming caught prey.
“What, what are you, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” April stuttered which only made Suzie saunter further into the room.
“Oh, bless your heart, did your Mama never tell you if you’re having a private conversation, you should close the door? Just because you can’t see anyone listening, doesn’t mean they’re not there.” Her grin grew as she walked right up to stand in front of April with no risk of anyone else listening to what she was about to say. Whether they were standing at the door or out of sight.
April couldn’t move. Suzie’s words had sunk in.She knew. She knew about April and Jade. She would have heard them each use terms of affection with one another.
“What do you want, Suzie?” April asked, trying desperately not to let her voice convey the level of defeat and panic she was currently feeling.
“The way I see it, you’ve gone too long getting everything too easy. You’ve taken more sponsorships and titles from me than I should have let happen. That’s on me. But I think it’s about time that you feel some of the pain and humiliation you’ve caused me over the years in doing so.” Suzie was overpowering April’s senses: her perfume was too strong, her proximity too close, and her hatred too much.
