I winced. I had to decide whether I was going to tell her about everything with Madison or not. There wasn’t a bouquet on Earth that could make up for an affair, whether we’d actually had sex or not. Part of me thought a truly fresh start meant laying all the secrets out there. Another thought what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.
I’d just have to think about it and make a judgment call when I saw her.Not that I knew when that would be.
I waved to Lisa and was about to go in my office when she hurried around her desk to get to me. “Thatcher, Madison Welles is in there. She insisted that you wanted to see her this morning, so I finally let her in.”
“Why would you do that?” I snapped at her.
Lisa’s eyebrow cocked up and she gave me a look that had me feeling like a little kid about to be chastised by his grandmother. “I did that,” she bit out, “because you’ve been acting as if that woman is your girlfriend for the past several months. Even though you have a wife,” she finished on a hiss. “And let me tell you something. You’re making a horrible decision. That wife of yours is twenty times the woman Madison Welles will ever be.”
“You’re right. I’m so sorry. I’m in a terrible mood because I’m afraid I’ve screwed things up with Carrie because I had blinders on where Madison was concerned. Forgive me. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”
She nodded. “You’re forgiven.”
I kind of wanted a hug, too, but I didn’t want to push my luck. Lisa gave the best hugs, but she hadn’t done that for quite some time. She’d probably think it was weird…
“Do you need a hug, Thatcher?”
I perked up. She’d read my mind. “Yes.”
She held her arms open, and I walked into them like I had for so many years when I was growing up. “You’ve just been all confused, and that mother of yours hasn’t helped one bit.” She patted me on the back signifying the hug was over. “Now, go get this mess straightened out. If I can help, let me know.”
I nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Lisa.”
“You’re most welcome.”
I walked into my office quietly. I had a bad feeling about Madison being in my office by herself. I approached the bedroom, hearing her voice coming from that direction.
Who was she talking to?
The door was open a crack, and I could see her. She was stretched out on the bed, naked, and talking on the phone.
“Yes, I’ve got it handled. Don’t worry. He was just in a weird mood the other night. Believe me—I’ll get him to fuck me today,and itwillbe without a condom. In a few weeks, I’ll tell him I’m pregnant. He’ll think the baby is his, we’ll get married, I’ll wait a year or so, then divorce him. No big deal. Then you and I will be together, I’ll get tons of money in the divorce, and I’ll let him have full custody of the baby.” She laughed. “He won’t even know it’s not his.”
She rolled over on her back and twirled her hair while she was talking to her apparent boyfriend. “I’m not a bit worried about paternity testing. I’m telling you, he’s obsessed with me.Obsessed. It’s ridiculous how much he loves me. I mean, I left him at the altar three weeks before we were supposed to get married, and he took me back like it never even happened. Even though he’s married! And I never even apologized. It’s crazy, really.”
I stood there for a moment letting that sink in. Even knowing everything I’d found out about her over the past few days, it still hurt to hear how much of a fool I’d been. It was hard to wrap my head around just how much she’d used and conned me over the years. Knowing that the relationship I’d built up in my head for so many years was not the perfect romance I’d imagined… hurt. I’d wasted so many years thinking Madison was the love of my life.
I leaned my head against the wall. All of the missed dinners, the texts and emails between Madison and me when I was at home, the lunches and dinners I’d taken Madison to while Carrie sat at home by herself, the calls and texts from Carrie I’d purposely ignored because I wanted to focus on Madison—it all came crashing down around me.
For years, people had made me feel as if Carrie wasn’t good enough for me, and I bought into that on some level. Hearing it constantly from my father before his death, my mother and her friends, Olive and her entourage, my former friends, and Madison, made me believe it was true.
But I knew the truth now.Iwas the piece of shit who cheated on my wife with a woman who didn’t care about me, much less love me. I had fallen for Madison again, even harder than before and despite being married.
Everyone had it wrong. I didn’t deserve ‘better’ than Carrie. She deserved someone much better than me. I wasn’t worthy of her for so many reasons.
I could only hope that she’d be willing to overlook the past several months and move forward with our marriage.
I pushed the door open, and Madison rolled over in alarm. Our eyes met, and hers widened for a fraction of an instant. Then she regained control. “Anyway, bye, Mom. I have to go. Talk to you later.”
She hung up and beamed at me. She sat up and struck an inviting pose. “I thought I’d greet you with some sex this morning. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how great the other night could have been.” She got a slightly chastising look on her face. “That is, it was great until you kicked me out…”
“Really? You thought it was great? I thought it was the worst start to a sexual encounter I’ve ever had. I am so fucking glad I didn’t go through with it.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What?”
“On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best, I’d give it a zero.”
“How… how can you say that?”
