“He’s going down,” a nurse announced.
It was the last thing I heard.
The next thing I knew, I was staring up at a ceiling. Very bright lights shone down in my eyes. “Jesus,” I exclaimed, then I froze. “Oh. Am I dead? Is Jesushere?” I whispered. “I meant no offense…”
“Thatcher!” a head appeared above me, staring down. It was Celia. “What the hell is wrong with you? Who are you even talking to?”
“I’m not sure.” Slowly, my confusion started to wear off. “Oh, no.” I tried to jump up, but that was a terrible idea. I almost toppled over again. “Is she gone?”
“I’m still here, Thatch,” Carrie said. “Thanks for taking my mind off things for a little while. I feel kind of sorry for you, but mainly that was pure comic relief.”
I couldn’t help but grin at her. “It was funny?”
Everyone but the nurse nodded. Even Diane.
“When was the last time you ate or drank anything?” the nurse asked, hands on her hips.
“Um…” I thought back but couldn’t remember. “I’m not sure,” I finally admitted.
The nurse gave a harumph sound. “Orange juice is on the way. As soon as we wheel her back to the operating room, you need to get something to eat in the cafeteria.
I was going to make a joke about preferring whiskey to orange juice, but she didn’t seem like the type who would think it was funny.
The orange juice arrived, and I sipped on it while I sat in Diane’s chair. “I’m sorry to steal your chair.”
“It’s okay, Thatcher.”
I’d managed to drink the entire cup by the time the orderlies arrived to wheel Carrie to an operating room. I lurched out of the chair and grabbed hold of one of the silver bars on her bed before they could roll her away from me. “Please,” I begged, “take good care of her.”
“We will, sir,” one of them said.
Carrie, who was clearly scared, reached for my hand. I was shocked, but I grasped it like it was a lifeline. “I love you, baby. I love you so much,” I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t let her go through a scary surgery where they cut her open to pull our child out of her without telling her how I felt. A few tears escaped the corners of my eyes.
Carrie, who had been given an epidural and was on a lot of medicine, smiled at me. “I love you, too, Thatch. If something happens to me in there, just know that you were the love of my life. And you have to promise to take good care of our baby.”
“Of course,” I was crying openly now, as were Blair and Diane.
“She’s going to be just fine,” the nurse said brusquely. “Who’s going in with her?” She glanced at me. “Hopefully not him. He won’t make it through the first incision.”
“Me,” Blair said. “I’m going with her.”
The nurse nodded. “It’s time. Let’s go.” She glanced around. “The next time you see her, she’ll be holding a baby.” She actually smiled as she started out of the room.
“Wait!” Carrie grabbed for my hand again. I couldn’t wait to hear what other sweet thing she might have to say to me. “Thatcher, I swear to God, if you marry Madison Welles after I’m gone and let her raise our baby, I will haunt you until the day you die.”
I went pale. Damn. What they said about mothers being protective was true. Carrie, normally so sweet, was already showing a different side of herself. “I would never marry her. I never want to see her again. I promise.” I squeezed her hand and gave her a comforting smile.
She narrowed her eyes at me and gave me the finger signs that meant ‘I’m watching you.’
I blew her a kiss, but she’d already turned her head away. She was so tired she could barely hold it up anyway. She’d used the last of her energy to threaten me with eternal haunting.
***
I paced the waiting room like a caged bear. I’d once stood and watched the sun bear at Zoo Atlanta for an hour. The poor guy walked the same path inside his enclosure the entire time. He had a nice sized exhibit, but he walked the same circle over and over, day after day. I could tell because he’d worn a path down to dirt. There was grass everywhere else. His paws seemed huge, compared to his relatively small size. The path he’d worn down was just wide enough to accommodate those large paws. I’d watched him, fascinated that he would repeat the pattern all day, every day.
Today, I understood that sun bear. I paced the perimeter of the waiting room constantly, too nervous to sit down. I was too nervous to think about what was happening to Carrie, I also didn’t want to faint again if I thought about the actual cuttingand blood that would go along with it. I also couldn’t wait to hold my baby. It had driven me a little crazy to wait until the baby was born to find out the sex. But that’s what Carrie had wanted to do, and I respected her wishes.
But it wouldn’t be long now before I finally knew if I had a little girl or a little boy. Either was completely fine with me. I had no preference. No one believed me, but it was true.
