“It does have a nice ring.”
“You need to hold him.”
He seemed so tiny, so fragile. I was afraid I would hurt him, but I wanted to hold him so badly it hurt. I reached out my arms and listened to exactly how to hold him. I supported his little head and held him close to my body. He felt perfect in my arms.
Carrie got teary eyed. “The two of you look good together.” She wiped her eyes and got a serious look on her face. “Thatch, we’re going to be the best co-parents we can possibly be. I want the two of us to be able to bury the hatchet and truly be friends. If we can’t do that, it’s going to hurt Theo somewhere along the line. We can’t let that happen. So, are you with me?”
I nodded. “One hundred percent. I didn’t like the sound of that co-parenting app or having a family member be our go-between. Let’s be mature adults, friends, and make this situation work for Theo.”
“Then it’s agreed. Best co-parents ever,” she said with a huge smile.
“For Theo.”
“Always for Theo,” she agreed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Thatcher
I loved the house Carrie bought. It was in a new neighborhood filled with mostly young families. The homes were very nice and built in the cottage or craftsman’s bungalow style. One of the best things about the neighborhood was that the builders, a local group of brothers, took great pains to keep most of the trees. Carrie had picked a corner lot, so her yard was spacious. She said she wanted plenty of space for Theo to play as he grew up.
The weeks and months went by, and soon my time to have Theo by myself for a few hours on my custody days was upon me. I was thrilled. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have Carrie watching over us, but there was something to be said for getting some alone time with my son. He was old enough that I could take some of the bottles of breast milk Carrie had prepared and take him back to my house for several hours. I had everything for him there: a nursery, complete with crib, changing table, toys, and lots of books. I couldn’t wait to show him his things.
He was a little fussy when we went inside, and he clung to me as if he might be a little wary of the new surroundings. He also seemed to be looking around, and I was sure he was already missing Carrie. I sighed. I missed her, too.
But I couldn’t get lost in those thoughts or I’d waste my whole time with Theo being sad. And I wanted us to be happy.I walked him from room to room, showing him everything. I’d forgotten what a big house this was. I’d never sold the house Carrie and I had lived in together. I knew there were sad memories here. But there were so many happy ones, too.
I didn’t often go into all the rooms, so it started to get overwhelming. I decided to cut our tour short and just hit the highlights. His room, of course, being the best part. He seemed interested in his room, but he kept looking around. “Ma ma ma,” he said, putting both of his hands on my face and forcing me to look in his eyes.
I couldn’t help but chuckle he was so cute. “You’ll see her soon, little buddy. I promise.”
We spent the next hour or so playing in his room. He was fascinated by all the new toys. And then the fascination ran out. He started crawling around nervously and whimpering a little which I knew was the sign that we were headed for tears. I didn’t know if he was hungry or what. Carrie could hear his cry and immediately know what it meant.
I wasn’t there yet.
“You hungry buddy?” I took him to the kitchen and took a bottle from the fridge, but he didn’t reach for it or seem very interested.
I walked him around growing more nervous myself the more agitated he became. Soon he broke out into full blown crying. I tried changing his diaper, feeding him, reading to him, everything.
And then I called Carrie.
“Everything okay?” she asked immediately.
“He’s crying, and I can’t figure out why.” I told her everything I’d done so far.
“I bet it’s the new environment. You know what? Every now and then when nothing else works, I walk outside with him. He almost always stops crying. Why don’t you try it?”
“Okay. But I’m calling you back if this doesn’t work.” I walked Theo onto the back deck. Just like magic, he stopped crying and looked around with tears glistening in his big brown eyes and bottom lip trembling. He seemed to be taking in the surroundings, feeling the breeze on his skin, and listening to the birds singing.
I let out a breath of pent-up tension and laid down on one of the outdoor lounge chairs. Theo adjusted to lay with his head and stomach against my chest and gave a deep sigh. It was a relief to see him happy again. Or happy-ish at least. He wouldn’t be totally happy until Carrie was around.
I knew the feeling. I wanted to push her to see me as someone she could be with again. To see me as she used to. To love me like she had before I threw it all away.
But what if I pushed and lost our friendship? I knew other divorced couples. They werenotfriends. I saw how lucky I was to still have a relationship with Carrie at all. And I knew that Theo would benefit so much from having parents who weren’t antagonistic towards each other.
I still sent her flowers and chocolates from time to time. I also sent her little gifts that would help her understand that I still loved her. If she made a comment that she couldn’t wait to try a new restaurant, I bought her a gift card. If she was talking to Blair about a dress she’d seen in a shop downtown, I sent it to her. When she ran her first half-marathon, I was there holding Theo and cheering. She confided in me that she wanted to use her degree and teach history at the high school once Theo was in kindergarten, and I supported her completely. And when she decided to get her master’s degree in history online? I bought her a new laptop and was happy to have extra time to be with my son while she studied.
She always thanked me very nicely for gifts, but it never went beyond a quick hug and a smile. She also told me shedidn’t need or want jewelry when I sent her a diamond bracelet after she kept Theo when I had a presentation that ran late. I’d nodded. I’d known she wasn’t that into jewelry. She just liked simple pieces. The only thing she had been pleased with was the ruby David Yurman set I’d bought her when Theo was born. Ruby was his birthstone, and she wore them all the time.
