She breathed a sigh of obvious relief. “Great! I appreciate it so much.” She tried to smile, but it looked more like a wince. “I might be pretty late, so I was thinking you could keep him overnight? I’ll make sure he has all the bottles he could possibly need, and there’s always the baby cereal to supplement if he’s still hungry.”
Instant agony. I knew what ‘pretty late’ was code for, especially since her face had turned bright pink. She was going to sleep with this guy.
I wanted to die. The woman I was in love with was going on a date and would probably have sex with some guy named Patrick.
I thought I was going to have to excuse myself before I got sick all over her and Theo. I knew the smile had left my face, but I couldn’t maintain it. I wasn’t that good of an actor. This hurt. Badly. The thought of her in someone else’s arms? Knowing he would hear the sounds she makes when she comes? That he would have his mouth and hands all over her gorgeous body…
“Thanks again,” she was saying. “I’ll text you the details.” She was walking towards the door. She was just going to leave as if I wasn’t turning into a puddle of misery right before her very eyes. “Oh, and thanks for the windchime. I love it.” She grabbed Theo’s hand. “Wave bye-bye to Daddy.”
He did a movement with his hand that looked nothing like a wave, but it was the way he waved right now. “Da da da!” He smiled at me.
I couldn’t do anything. I just gave them a slight wave while I leaned against the wall.
And then they were gone.
Later, I sat on the back deck and watched the sunset. I sipped the whiskey I’d already had way too much of and thought about Carrie in the arms of another man.
And for the first time, Ifullyunderstood her pain. This is what she must’ve felt when she saw me with Madison. When she realized I’d been having an affair with her. I closed my eyes. What she saw would have hurt so much worse than what I was feeling now. I hadn’t even seen her with Patrick yet.
I sat there for a long time. The sun went down. The bottle emptied. But I was still there. I didn’t cry, because it hurt too bad to cry. That had never happened to me before. It was like it was too painful for my body to move, to even make a sound. I was wrecked. Completely wrecked.
I knew then I was going to be a very lonely man in the coming years. Because I didn’t want to be with anyone besides Carrie.
And it would take a miracle for her to take me back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Five Years Later
Thatcher
“Look, Daddy, there’s Jon,” Theo said from the back seat. He was tucked safely into his car seat, and I was bringing him back to Carrie after the end of my custody week. Theo being five and in kindergarten this year had me flummoxed. There was always something going on. It felt like I was always missing something, and I hated it.
It had started the previous year when he was in pre-K. He had started fall soccer and spring baseball. There were teacher meetings and art shows and Thanksgiving plays. And I had tons of meetings and worked in Atlanta. I’d known mid-way through the year that I’d needed to make a change. Slowly, I’d moved towards a solution, but it had taken until now to make all the pieces fall into place. I was planning to talk to Carrie about it today, but I sure as hell didn’t want to do it in front of her boyfriend.
Fucking Jon. I watched them as they laughed and held hands on the front porch swing of Carrie’s house. They looked like a Hallmark movie. The trees were just beginning to turn colors, the sky was extra blue, and the sun was casting golden shadows over the lawn on the breezy, late afternoon.
“Ew!” Theo cried. “They’re kissing!”
I gripped the steering wheel extra tight, my knuckles turning white as I watched this man kissingmywife. No matter how long we’d been divorced, that was still how I thought of her. She might’ve moved on, but I hadn’t been able to. Bryce thought if we didn’t have a child together, I would have by now. But he was wrong. I knew it.
As soon as I’d realized how badly I’d fucked up, I knew I’d never be able to move on from Carrie. I figured out way too late that she was never second best. She was first, the star of the show, the leading lady, and the only woman I’d ever truly loved. She was the only person in my heart. Besides Theo, of course.
I honked the horn and was immature enough to grin when they startled and moved apart. Jon glared at me where Carrie couldn’t see him, but Carrie gave a wide smile and jogged down the stairs to greet us.
She looked perfect, her golden curls bouncing. She had a big smile on her beautiful face. Her perfect body was showcased in a loose sweater that hung off one shoulder and tight jeans. I sighed.
And I’d thrown her away for a conniving gold digger. I’d heard from Olive that Madison was a catalog model for a department store and wasn’t married to the guy she’d had a child with. Instead, she’d married a semi-wealthy banker who was a total asshole. He’d pretended to be rich while they’d dated, thinkingshewas wealthy. To keep up the illusion, he’d made her sign a pre-nup. If she divorced him, she’d have next to nothing. If he divorced her, he’d lose the trophy wife who’d gotten him moved to a higher rung on Atlanta’s social ladder. They spent money like crazy trying to keep up with their rich friends. They’d ended up unhappy and mired in money troubles from the first day of their marriage.
Karma.
I parked and got out. Theo was old enough to unbuckle and get out of his car seat now. He was out of the car almost before I’d put it in park, and he leapt into his mother’s outstretched arms. I smiled. How could I not? He adored her, and the feeling was mutual.
I knew Theo and I had a good, solid relationship. But Carrie was his person. I was fine with that. I wasn’t jealous; I was thrilled they were so close.
Theo was less impressed with Jon. He’d never disliked him, but he’d never really warmed to him, either. I could relate. “Hey,” he said, and waved to his mother’s boyfriend.
“Hey, buddy,” Jon said loudly. I wanted to cringe. He never sounded natural when he talked to Theo. It was always as if he was trying too hard.
