“So I chose tae lead without lettin’ anyone close enough tae...” He couldn’t finish.
“Tae hurt ye when ye lose them.”
“Aye.”
The word hung between them. Ragnar became acutely aware of the mattress dipping slightly toward her weight, how the gap between them suddenly felt like both too much space and not nearly enough. The fire had burned down to embers, casting barely enough light to see by.
She shifted, and the movement brought a fresh wave of lavender and something earthier—the scent of a long day, of sweat and exhaustion. Whatever it was it was human—real.
“Ragnar?”
“Aye?”
“Tomorrow mornin’...” She paused. “When we have tae face everyone at breakfast. They’ll all ken. Or think they ken. About taenight.”
“Ivar will have a mouthful tae say,” Ragnar said. “Probably somethin’ about how loud ye were. Or how I look exhausted.”
“Lovely.”
“Erik will probably elbow him. Magnus will change the subject. And ye’ll sit there with yer chin high, exactly as ye did taenight, and they’ll all remember why they should never underestimate a Highland lass with a sharp tongue.”
A soft sound escaped her—almost a laugh, but not quite. “Ye have a lot of faith in me.”
“I’ve seen ye in action, remember?”
“I suppose.” She was quiet for a moment. “Will it always be like this? People watchin’, judgin’, expectin’ things?”
Aye. Welcome tae bein’ the jarl’s wife.
“Probably,” he said honestly. “Court politics dinnae stop just because we’ve wed. If anythin’, they’ll watch us more closely now. Lookin’ fer weakness. Wonderin’ if this alliance will hold.”
“That sounds exhaustin’.”
“It is.” He turned his head on the pillow to look at her profile in the dimness. “But ye’ll nae be facin’ it alone. We’re trapped in this taegether. Might as well...” He trailed off, not quite sure how to finish.
“Might as well what?”
“Watch each other’s backs.”
She turned her head then, meeting his gaze. Even in the near-darkness, he could see those big eyes studying him.
“Is that what we’re daein’?”
“I dinnae have all the answers, Isolda. I’m just... tryin’ tae dae this right.”
“And what daes ‘right’ look like?”
Good question. He’d been trained to lead men, to fight, to make tactical decisions. But nobody had ever taught him how to be a husband, how to balance duty with whatever this was growing between them.
“Nay pretendin’ this is somethin’ it’s nae.” He paused. “And nae forcin’ ye intae things ye’re nae ready fer.”
She was quiet for a long moment “Thank ye. Fer cuttin’ yerself. I ken ye didnae have tae?—”
“Ididhave tae. There wasnae another choice I could live with.”
She blinked, something shifting in her expression that he couldn’t quite name.
Outside, an owl called—lonely and distant. The keep had gone silent around them, everyone else long since abed. It had to be well past midnight by now. Dawn would come too soon, bringingwith it all the complications they’d managed to hold at bay in that strange, suspended moment.
