“I go by Eleanor now.”
“Case in point.” Beck didn’t take a step back, and despite how badly I wanted to, neither did I. It would be admitting defeat. “You don’t want him, Nell.”
“You don’t know me.” And then, unwillingly, I added in a whisper, “Anymore.”
Something shifted then, in that split second. The new emotion flitted across his face, a ripple that I spotted but couldn’t name. For that split second, his eyes weren’t sharp and venomous; they were filled with something else.
The memory I’d clawed back from threatened to consume me again.
Do you ever just feel like… you want to explode?I’d asked him once.
I’ve never wanted to explode.The memory of a youngBeckham Jennings filled my mind, swathed in moonlight.But I have wanted to disappear.
And then the strange expression on Beck’s face was gone, replaced by the nothingness that I’d seen last night. Beck’s eyes were soflat. Almost like there was no spark of life in them, like it’d been snuffed out ages ago.
“A-G-A-I-N,” he spelled suddenly.
“W-What?”
“What, you don’t still do that spelling thing?” His teeth caught at the edge of his lower lip. “I spelledagain. You said if I ruin this for you, you’ll ruin me. You already did it once before. So you’ll ruin me…again.”
A soft breath slipped past my lips, as if he’d knocked the wind out of me.A-G-A-I-N.
“Maybe I should make the same threat,” Beck mused, slipping one hand into his pocket and taking a step backward. “After all, it’s fitting, isn’t it? If you’ll get your revenge, I should get mine.”
R-E-V-E-N-G-E. One of the things I’d been afraid of with his sudden appearance, almost as much as that sudden appearance itself.
The space between us grew, but the space to breathe only shrank as Beck considered me. Considered his next words. “I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone.”
And then, with his other hand and with a lightning movement, Beck nudged my chin up before pulling away entirely.
I still tried to swat at him, and then ruefully rubbed my chin. I tried to erase the ghost sensation of his touch,as if pretending he hadn’t affected me might make it true.
As he slipped past me toward the garden, toward the place I’d never go, Beck called back in a lazy way, “Maybe this summer won’t be so boring after all.”
A second later, he disappeared between the rosebushes.
I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone.
I stood frozen in the pathway, trembling even in the warm sunlight.V-E-N-O-M-O-U-S.Beck was unpredictable—always had been, even when we were kids. But now, with that crazed look in his eye, I knew he was true trouble.
I’ll remind you what it’s like to really want someone.Both a threat and a promise, and they caused me to shiver harder.
The sheer audacity of him showing up now, of all times, made something bitter coil in my chest. Four years later, and he thought he could weasel his way back in. Not now. Not before finals, not when Dr. Pembleton’s approval was within reach, when I finally had the perfect opportunity to impress my own father for the first time.
The crush I’d had on him before was gone now, burnt out like a flame out of oxygen. Life was too important now to be crushing on bad boys.
If Beck ruined this for me, I’d do more than throw him under the bus.
I’d bury him six feet under.
Keep telling yourself that.
“Nellie!” Daisy burst around the corner, wide-eyed,waving her wrist. “There you are.Hello! The clock’s ticking!” And then she scanned the space around me. “Where’s Carter?”
I swallowed hard. Beck’s name lodged in my throat, unspoken and unwelcome. There wasn’t room for him in my life anymore—I’d made sure of that. So I grabbed Daisy’s hand and forced a smile. “I’ll tell you later,” I said, already pulling her along. “C’mon, let’s go cream Lydia and Raelynn, shall we?”
Daisy secured her hold on my hand. “Duh.”
