I turned to give him a little eye roll, but Jamie wasn’t even looking at me. His head was tipped to focus on the book open in his lap, his glasses slipping down his nose. Iwasn’t surprised that he had a book in his hands—pigs would fly before James Brighton went anywhere bookless—but I hadn’t seen it in his hands when he came in. But that was Jamie. He could sneak a paperback anywhere.
Something about the air felt lighter when Jamie and I were together. I called it aTwin Thing, but it was more so the peace of being in the presence of someone who knew you inside and out. Jamie could look at me for one second and see what I was feeling, and vice versa.
Which was how, after giving him my whole attention for one moment, I knew. “You’re nervous, too.”
Jamie lifted his head, peering at me over the rim of his glass. He hadn’t always needed them; I liked to tease him that his eyesight got so bad because he read so much. “There’s nothing to be nervous about,” he told me calmly. “They’ll call us up on stage and announce to everyone what college we’re attending in the fall, so the parents can brag. It’s fine. They’ll ply us with grape juice while they drink champagne, and we’ll be the ones helping them waddle out to the valet at the end of the night. It’ll be fine.”
Realistically, Jamie had nothing to be nervous about, not compared to me. He was not bending over backwards to impress Dad, nor was he needing to make a pristine first impression to one of the biggest figureheads at his future college. But still. Hewasnervous. “Who are you telling that to?” I asked him. “Me, or yourself?”
Jamie’s fingers picked at his page. “Will Daisy be there?”
Daisy Carmichael was my best friend, which, bydefault, meant that she was Jamie’s, too. “Of course. She said she’d drive separately, though.”
“But… NYU waitlisted her.”
“I know.” We’d both been there when she and Jamie had checked their application portals together.
“So she’ll stand there and listen while they praise everyone else?”
“You know Daisy doesn’t care about that sort of thing.” It was a little funny. Daisy was the epitome ofcarefreein every single way except when it came to her family. That was the reason she was taking a year off from school: to help watch her little siblings while her mom continued working her dream job in the city. “Did you… tell her that you committed to Columbia?”
Jamie held perfectly still. “No.”
“Jamie.”
“I know.”
“You have to tell her first.” I lowered my eyeshadow brush, trying to catch his eye. “NYU was your guys’ dream. And, yeah, Columbia is amazing, but if you let Daisy find out through Mrs. Conan on a mic, she’ll never forgive you.”
Jamie didn’t reply to that. Instead, he flipped a page in his book, and if I hadn’t been watching closely, I might’ve missed his trembling fingers.
So that was why he was nervous. Because he was about to do A Very Bad Thing.
Swallowing a sigh, I returned to my reflection. The glitter on the inner corner would fix the atrocity, I decided.
I spelled it inmy head.A-T-R-O-C-I-T-Y.
Somewhere in the house, a door slammed. Hard. Jamie jerked his head up while my stomach sank like a stone. In that moment, I knew. Before Mom even poked her head in my bedroom door, I knew.
“We about ready?” Mom asked a minute later as she breezed into my room. She wore one of her favorite deep purple dresses with a little wrap around her shoulders, with her brown hair swathed up in the picture of elegance. We looked so much alike that when I told people I had a twin, they sometimes thought it was Mom. The only stark difference was that I loomed four inches above Mom; Jamie and I had gotten our height from Dad.
Her eyes found mine, and in the split second before she spoke, my mind filled to the brim with letters that jumbled together like alphabet soup. “Oh, my sweet Nellie. Look atyou! The dress looks just as I imagined on you! And your makeup—gorgeous!”
My sister had resented the way Mom had cooed over her looks. Hated the dresses Mom laid out for her. She’d thrown it all back in my parents’ faces.I’m not a doll in a dollhouse you can parade around.
I was my mother’s perfect doll, one she could dress up and fuss over, and she loved me for it. “Everything looks all right?”
“More than all right.” Mom came deeper into my bathroom, reaching to smooth my hair off my shoulder. Her rose-scented perfume touched me before her fingers did, the smell of it making my stomach turn. I hated the scent of roses. “The prettiest girl at Alderton-Du Ponte, if I do say so myself.”
“Mom.” Jamie groaned from my bed. “Not you, too.”
“What! Everyone else says it. I can’t help that it’s true.” She winked at me in the mirror.
The ladies at Alderton-Du Ponte—the oneswithoutdaughters, of course—would praise my mother for her beautiful daughter to my face, would whisper of my levelheadedness behind my back.She’s so mature for her age, they’d say.She’s so beautiful. The most beautiful girl Alderton-Du Ponte has seen in years!
Which was why I’d impress the cufflinks off Dr. Pembleton. I’d smoothly talk with Mr. ASMR in person for the first time. And as for Dad…
My stomach became heavy once more. “Is Dad almost ready?” I asked, even though I knew.
