And Beck climbed out.
It was his aunt’s convertible, only it had the top up now. Beck slipped his keys into his pocket before he hurriedly rounded the trunk of his car to the pump, his back to me. The bench I sat at was probably two hundred feet or so away at the curb, so I could watch him while not being obvious about it.
It was strange, seeing him at a distance like this. He had on a red shirt today, a few shades darker than his car, and it was loose on his frame. His platinum hair wastousled crazier than normal, as if he’d been tearing his fingers through it.
My shoulders slumped forward a little, heart pounding faster. Of all the people in Fenton County. Of all the gas stations, of all the benches, of all the hours in the day. Of all the moments, it was this one, where I couldn’t possibly feel any worse.
When I’d felt like I was going to explode, now Beck had appearedtwice.
He turned back toward the car and lifted the pump, his head tipped down, sunglasses hiding his eyes. He pulled out his phone, checked something on it, then pocketed it again. I found myself watching him without blinking as he stretched his neck one way, then the other. Of course the universe would bring him to me now. I deserved it.
The letters in my mind were small, almost as if they’d been whispered.b-e-c-k-h-a-m j-e-n-n-i-n-g-s.
Almost as if he’d heard his name, spelled out in the white noise between us, Beck looked over, straight at me.
Beck lowered his sunglasses an inch down his nose, peering above them. My heart seized in my chest, stuttering before, full-on stopping now. Even from here, I could see Beck’s shoulders slump, as if he’d been wound tight.
Then, ever so slightly, he smiled.
A shameful sort of relief hit me then, just as it had the day he’d shown up at Senior Night.Finally, I thought.
I-N-E-V-I-T-A-B-L-E. It was a strange word that popped into my head, but it rang true as Beck beganwaltzing his way across the parking lot.
When he came close enough, I lifted my chin. “You can’t just leave the pump while you’re getting gas.” I was shocked by how rough my voice sounded; it’d been hours since I’d last spoken. My lips, too, felt cracked when I spoke, my mouth too dry.
“Thought that was you,” Beck said as if I hadn’t spoken. His sunglasses were back, fully covering his eyes. With the way the sun was positioned, I could see a faint trace of their curve through the lens. “You following me, Nellie? It’s quite unbecoming.”
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”
Beck just smiled, and I couldn’t help but stare. It was a genuine grin, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine why. It reminded me too much of the boy in the garden.
Beck swung his keys around his finger, standing above me. “What’s up with your shoes?”
I shoved my foot back into it before he could see my blister. “None of your business.”
“Are those Jamie’s? Or are your feet really that big? I didn’t notice before?—”
“I said it’s none of your business,” I repeated, voice tired. I didn’t have enough fire left within me to properly pick a fight with him.
“You can yell at me if you want.” Beck reached out with his sneaker and nudged Jamie’s. “I like it when you yell at me.”
It was strange to see him actively try to get arise out of me, but it wasn’t working. “I’m no fun today,” I told him, voice coming out small. “So, please. Just leave me alone.”
I shouldn’t have admitted a weakness. I’d left the door open for him to stroll right in and poke fun, and knowing Beck, he would. He’d take advantage of any moment to get under my skin, and here I was, practically giving him permission to pry.
Beck regarded me for a long moment, twirling his keys around his finger again. He twirled them around, then caught them. Around, then caught. He was thinking. Debating.
“Do you want to explode?” he asked.
The pressure on my chest became impossibly tight. “Or disappear.” One corner of my lips tugged up at the callback.
But Beck didn’t smile.
I suddenly wished I hadn’t said anything. “I’m fine. Just—just leave.”
I expected him to crack a joke, throw out a quip, or heck, even a “You deserve it.”
I did not expect him to just walk away.
