Chapter Twenty
The following morninggetting out of bed at his regular time was really difficult.Riley had had a hard time sleeping the night before.Letty, and what he could do to change her mind, was all he could think about.Even while he took care of the horses, he tried not to focus on the fact that from now on he and Letty were over.He’d see her, but only occasionally.He’d never hold her, kiss her, make love to her… Shit, he needed to stop thinking about that.Talk about counterproductive.
At least he’d successfully avoided his mother the night before.But she caught him in the kitchen right after he’d seen to the animals.“I want to talk to you, Riley.”
Shit.He knew that tone.If you looked up implacable in the dictionary that would be his mom when she used that tone.Nevertheless, he tried.“Can we talk later?I’ve still got chores—”
“No, it can’t wait.I also know you’ve already done most of the chores so the rest can wait.No excuses.”She walked to the den, expecting him to follow.
Which he did.
Lorraine sat on the couch and waited until he sat beside her.“What is going on between you and Letty?What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Riley, I’m neither stupid nor oblivious.Something is clearly very wrong between you.”
He sighed.His mom almost certainly had heard from Jasper that Riley was serious about Letty.He should have known she’d be too perceptive to not realize something wasn’t right.“I want to marry her.She doesn’t want to marry me.In fact, when I told her I loved her, it freaked her out so much we broke up.”
“When did this happen?”
“Christmas Eve.”
“And yet, she was here for Christmas dinner.”
“She came to Christmas because she didn’t want to disappoint you.I was going to tell you about us, but I was giving you time.”
“Do you really think I’m so pitiful, so weak, that you can’t tell me the truth?”
“I don’t think you’re pitiful or weak.You were really sick and scared the hell out of all of us.You’re still not completely well.I didn’t want to cause a setback.”He could have thrown Mercy under the bus, but he didn’t.That would have been pretty chickenshit of him.
“I suppose I can’t get mad at you for loving me and trying to spare me.”She smiled and patted his hand.“But back to Letty—do you love her?”
“More than I can say.I also want to shake her for being so stubborn.”
“Does she love you?”
“I think so, but she won’t admit it.I don’t know why she’s so adamant about not getting serious.She says she ‘can’t,’” he said, making air quotes for the last word.
“Have you asked her why?”
“Of course.She said something about not wanting to lose me.Which makes no sense.She’s losing me now.If breaking up isn’t losing each other then I don’t know what is.”
His mom looked thoughtful.“Do you remember when Letty came to live with us?”
“Yes, but I was in college and wasn’t around much.I was either in class or working.But I remember how sad she was when she first came to live with us.”
“Letty lost her parents her senior year of high school.It was a critical time in her life.She was a mess, to put it bluntly.She seemed to pull it together in a few months, but I’ve never been sure about how together she really was.”
“She never told you or talked to you about it?”
“Superficially, yes.But she never completely opened up.At least, that’s what I always thought.You know Jasper and I love her like our own.And I know she loves us, but we aren’t her parents.I would be surprised if shedidn’thave unresolved feelings about her loss.”
“I thought she went to counseling?”
“She did.But while it can help, counseling doesn’t necessarily resolve those feelings of loss and abandonment.It depends on how much she was willing to share.Partly, anyway.It’s not a panacea.I’m not sure how much good it accomplished.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
