After changing intoa dry shirt, Letty stood at the door to Vivian’s bedroom watching Riley with his niece.She could see the love in the way he touched her, in how he cuddled her in his arms, in his smile as he looked at her.It would be a crime if Riley didn’t have children of his own.
But they wouldn’t be with her.Because she was afraid.Too afraid to reach out and grab what she really wanted.Was Val right?Was she condemning him to the same lonely existence?She hoped not, but…
If so, that wasn’t fair.But she’d told Riley from the beginning that they couldn’t become permanent.Then she fell in love with him.As if you haven’t always been a little in love with him.You just ignored it after he rejected you.
Now she wondered if she could learn to let her fear go.Logically she knew her fears were irrational.But knowing that didn’t make them go away.
Still, she’d never really tried to change.But then, she’d never wanted someone as much as she wanted Riley.As much as she wanted a home and family of her own.And the only thing stopping her was her fear of losing those she loved.She’d known from the age of seventeen that bad things happened.
But maybe, just maybe, they didn’t have to.
She left to get Vivian’s bedtime bottle.When she returned Riley was walking Vivian around, trying to get her to stop crying.“I don’t know what’s wrong,” he said.“She just started crying for no reason.”
Letty held up the bottle.“Take a wild guess.”
“Oh, yeah.She takes a bottle at bedtime.”
Letty sat in the rocking chair and looked at Riley expectantly.“I did get the bottle.”
“Yeah, yeah.Here you go.”He handed Vivian to her, and she quieted the minute she got the bottle.
“Clean babies smell so good.”She cuddled Vivian as she rocked her.
Riley didn’t say anything, only watched as she rocked and fed the baby.
Vivian’s eyes closed towards the end of the bottle.“Time for bed,” Letty said after burping her.She put Vivian down on her back in the crib.She and Riley stood together looking at the sleeping baby.
“She’s so sweet.”Letty sighed.
“She is.”
Letty took the baby monitor with her as they left the room.Once in the den she said, “You can go home if you want.I can handle her from now on.”
“I’m sure you can but I’m not leaving.We should talk.”
She started to deny it but shrugged.“Fine.What should we talk about?”
“Do you know what you looked like when you were feeding Vivian?”
“Happy?”she guessed.
“No.You looked wistful.Like you didn’t think you’d ever have that experience with your own child.”
“I probably won’t.”
“Why?”
“You know why.It’s the reason we broke up.Because I can’t do permanent and that’s what you want.”
“You’ve never really explained why you won’t keep dating me.You said you were scared of losing me but that makes no sense.You’ve lost me.Truth, Letty.Are you any happier now that we’ve broken up?”
She wanted to lie but she couldn’t lie to Riley.“No.But I’ll get over it.”
“You might but I won’t.”
“You can’t know that.You’ll find someone else.But you can’t do that if you’re with me.”
“No.I think I’ll be alone.There’s no one else I want to be with.”
“Don’t you want to settle down, have a family?I saw you with the baby.You can’t tell me you don’t want that for yourself.”
“Yes.But I want a family with you.If I can’t have you then I don’t want anyone.”
“Oh, Riley.Don’t say that.”
“Why not?It’s the truth.”
