“I kissed her.”She’d kissed him but he didn’t want to tell Connor that.“That last morning.But nothing else happened.”He drank more beer.It didn’t help.“When she came to me that morning, I was brutal.I told her there was no way there could ever be anything between us.That I didn’t love her and never would.I’m not sure she believed me.
“When she left, I thought she’d have time to deal with it.To accept what I said and think about what she had with you before she threw it away.But she didn’t.You two got called immediately after that.”
“Are you thinking it’s your fault she was injured?Because it’s not.It was bad luck.It could have just as easily been me.”
“We don’t know that she didn’t screw up because she wasn’t thinking clearly.Maybe she’d have noticed something in time to avoid the second blast.”
He shook his head.“I doubt it.It doesn’t matter, though.It’s over.Casey’s gone.It’s sad and a waste but that’s war.Casey knew the risks just like we did.”When Ryan didn’t say anything, Connor continued.“Is this why you’ve never stayed in one place?Or with one woman?”
“I don’t know.Probably.”He’d always thought he didn’t deserve happiness—at least, not with a woman—after what had happened in Afghanistan.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I need to talk to Aria about it.I figured I should talk to you first.”
“If you’re looking for absolution—”
“I didn’t say that.”
“There’s nothing to be absolved,” Connor continued as if he hadn’t heard him.“You did the right thing.Something most people wouldn’t have done.And it cost you.But Casey died a long time ago.It bothered me for a long time.Hell, it damn near broke me.It still makes me sad.She was too damn young.But I have Sierra now, and a baby on the way.I’ve moved on.You need to move on too.”
“I have to because of Sophie.”
“That’s not all it’s about, is it?”Connor asked shrewdly.
“No, damn it.I’m still in love with Aria.And if it weren’t for Sophie, she’d have nothing to do with me.”
“Hell, Ryan, she moved here to be near you.So you could get to know your baby.That doesn’t sound like wanting nothing to do with you.”
“It’s not so much me she wants.She wants a father for her baby.”
“You walked away from her.Did you ever talk to her between when you left and when she moved here?”
“No.I screwed that up too.I kept thinking I’d get over her.But I couldn’t.”
“She’s pissed and hurt.I can’t blame her.”
“I don’t.But she’s put up so many roadblocks, I don’t know if I’ll ever get past them.”
“She hasn’t been here that long.Keep trying.”
“I will.”Because now that he’d finally admitted it, he knew he had to do everything possible to convince Aria that she could depend on him and that he wanted her as much as he wanted the baby.
He loved her.Now he had to find a way to prove it to her.
Chapter Ten
About a weekafter “the kiss” as Aria thought of it, Sierra asked Aria and the baby to lunch.Between Ryan’s “I don’t deserve” love comment, him saying “something” happened in Afghanistan, and then saying he couldn’t talk about it, she needed information.She didn’t know how much Sierra knew about Ryan and Connor’s time in Afghanistan, but she had to know more than Aria did.After all, she and Connor were married.Prior to a few days ago, beyond saying he’d been there, Ryan hadn’t talked about his military service.Ever.Not to anyone, she suspected.But if he had, that person would be Connor.
So yes, she wondered about his explanation about why he’d left.But damn, she thought more about the kiss.She thought about that kiss daily, and she shouldn’t have.It hadn’t been that big a deal.But for that short time she’d forgotten all the problems with their relationship and only remembered what it had been like when they were together.Good.Sometimes great.Sometimes even magical.
And then he’d left.And she came back to reality with a crash.
At least since the war, Ryan had never stayed in one place, or with one woman for long.Their liaison had lasted two years, which was the longest he’d had.He seemed to think he’d changed but she wasn’t so sure.How could she be?
She met Sierra at FlintWorks in the old train depot.The red-brick brewpub was fairly new and the food, according to Sierra and others, was great.It wasn’t too loud for the baby, at least during the day.In the evening the ads said they often had live bands and lots of people.This was Aria’s first time there.
They ordered, fish and chips for her, a Reuben sandwich for Sierra, and tea for both of them.Dessert looked great but they both decided to wait and see how full they were before ordering that.
