“Have you ever watched any porn?”
“No.”
“Used a vibrator?”
Her eyes widen. “No.”
I bet her situation is more common than most people realize. A mother who brings her girls up to believe sex is a taboo subject is already making it hard for them to have pleasure in bed. Orgasms can only happen when the individual is relaxed and able to let go. And I know that the percentage of women who’ve never had an orgasm, or only come infrequently, is alarmingly high.
If you’re told it’s sinful to touch yourself, or you’re discouraged from learning how to pleasure yourself, it’s always going to be a problem.
“Would you like to come with a man?” I ask.
She studies my face. She looks embarrassed, but also curious. “I don’t know that I’d ever be able to relax enough to do it,” she admits.
“What about if there were no time limits? If the guy had no expectations? If he was prepared to kiss you, make out with you, touch you, arouse you, for as long as you needed, without getting frustrated? Would that help?”
She snorts. “I suppose you think you’re an expert.”
“No, not at all, but equally I like to think I don’t expect a girl to come after two minutes of penetration. It doesn’t work like that.”
She glowers.
“Do you like oral sex?” I ask.
Wren goes scarlet.
This time, I’m speechless for a full thirty seconds. Eventually I say, “Please, please don’t tell me a guy has never gone down on you.”
“You talk as if it’s a normal thing.”
“Oh. My. God. Wren!”
“What?”
“I just… I have no words.”
Her lips slowly curve up. “You are rather cute when you’re indignant.”
“I don’t believe it. I honestly do not believe you’ve got to the age of thirty-three and you’ve never had a guy give you head.” Actually, I do believe it because I’ve read threads on Reddit to that end, and it makes me sad and furious at the same time. “I mean… you lived with Cory for, what? Three years?”
“Three and a half.”
“And he never offered?”
“No. He said he’d heard it could give a guy throat cancer, so he didn’t want to do it.”
“Jesus. I mean, you can get throat cancer from HPV, but that’s rare. And your other partners wouldn’t do it, either? Why?”
“I don’t know. I assumed guys don’t enjoy it.”
“Fuuuuuuck.”
The two of us stare at each other for a long time. Eventually she says, “You mean, you do enjoy it?”
“Yes, Wren. If we had sex, I would happily go down on you.”
Her jaw drops.
