“But she didn’t betray me, and I can never hate her.”
“No.”
I ran a hand through my hair as guilt hit slowly before hitting me all at once. I had built an entire defense in my head in less than an hour. I had assumed and concluded and had retreated.
“So she has been fighting everyone at home?” I asked. Ilana’s gaze softened slightly.
“Yes.”
“How.”
“Exactly like a Chernykh.”
A broken laugh left me.
“She threw a glass at Avgust when he tried to reason with her.” Despite everything, something in me almost smiled knowing that, even though I didn’t hate Avgust. He was Ilana’s husband, and the man had saved my life once, even when I had tried to kill him.
“She keeps demanding they bring her back to you or bring you back to her. One or the other. She just wants you.” The words felt like oxygen and fire at the same time.
“How could you have even let them take her? Why didn’t you fight for her to stay with you?” Ilana asked pointedly.
“I didn’t have a choice. Not when I thought she herself wanted to go back.”
“You always have a choice. But instead you chose to assume.” I closed my eyes briefly, knowing she was right. In war, hesitation killed, and in love, assumption destroyed.
“She believed you,” Ilana said quietly. “When you told her she was no longer leverage. And you didn’t believe her when she told you she didn’t call them and she didn’t want to go back.”
The silence that followed was suffocating.
“I thought—” I began.
“You thought strategically.”
“Yes.”
“And forgot that this wasn’t a strategy anymore. It was love.”
My ribs ached when I inhaled. Not from the bruising but from something much deeper. Something that bordered on regret and longing.
“I love her,” I said finally.
Ilana nodded once. “I know.”
“And I walked away thinking she chose them.”
“You walked away because you thought you had lost her.”
“I had.”
“No,” Ilana said. “You almost did, but you can never lose someone when they love you as much as Elisse loves you.”
The distinction mattered.
“You can still fix this,” she added.
“How?”
“That depends.”
