“I’ve been shot at.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve barely slept.”
“Yes.”
“I hate everyone in this house.”
“That’s unrelated.”
Clara’s lips twitched faintly while I continued to stare at the sink in quiet horror, my hands trembling. My chest tightened painfully. I knew it was important to take a test, but all of it felt wrong without Fyodor. I wanted him to be with me before I took the test. I wanted him to hold me while we waited for the results.I wanted him to shout with happiness when the results turned out positive. But he was not here. He might never be here.
“Bring it,” I said as tears began to fall out of my eyes, and Ilana quickly walked away, but returned within minutes with a kit in her hand,
“You just keep them in your room?” Zhenya asked, understanding the situation without being explained anything.
“I am married. Of course I do.”
Clara placed it on the counter gently without any drama or commentary. They were clearly giving me the choice to pick it up whenever I wanted to, and I appreciated them for it. I needed space. If Fyodor couldn’t be here with me, I just wanted to be alone and do this at my own pace.
“Do you want us to leave?” Ilana asked, and I nodded.
“Yes. Just outside, I mean. I will call you when I am done,” I replied, still grateful that they were there at least.
They quickly stepped out, and the door clicked shut behind them as the room went silent. I stared at the small white stick in my hand, realizing how absurd and impossible it was. My hands were shaking as I followed the instructions, but I quickly went through with the motions. Minutes felt like hours, and I paced once. Twice. I continued telling myself it would be negative. That it was just stress and trauma, and exhaustion.
My alarm beeped, and I finally looked down. Two lines. Clear and unmistakable. The world didn’t explode, and there was no dramatic crash of thunder. No gunfire. No shattered glass. Just a quiet, devastating certainty. I sat down slowly on the edge of the bathtub, realizing how my body felt detached and distant from everything.
I was pregnant.
The word echoed in my mind like a foreign language. I pressed a hand to my abdomen instinctively. There was nothing there yet. No visible change. But everything had changed. Everything. The door opened softly and Ilana stepped inside first. She didn’t ask anything but simply looked at the stick on the counter, and she knew. Clara and Zhenya followed, and Ilana nodded at them. They all knew now.
“Elisse?” Clara whispered.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. The composure I had clung to for seven days shattered without warning. The tears came fast, violent, and ugly. I folded in on myself, hands covering my face as sobs tore through my chest. It wasn’t just shock. It was grief and relief and terror and love. All colliding at once. Clara knelt in front of me, arms wrapping around my shoulders. Ilana stood close, steady, solid.
“This changes everything,” I choked out.
“Yes,” Ilana said softly.
“I don’t even know what I want.”
“That’s a lie,” Ilana said quietly. I looked up at her through blurred vision.
“I have to tell him. All I know is that I want to tell him. He needs to know, and he needs to be here with me, and I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Please bring him to me, Ilana. Please call him and ask him to come get me. Please.”
There was no hesitation in that. No debate. Clara squeezed my hand.
“Please don’t cry like that, Elle,” Zhenya said, as she sat down on the floor beside me and hugged me from the other side. I could see she was crying as well, her own tears falling down. Iwanted Fyodor because he would have looked at me differently if he had known. Because he had thought I betrayed him. Because this child belonged to both of us.
And despite everything, I still loved him. I loved him more than anything else in the world. The realization settled deep and unshakable.
No amount of anger or pride or family loyalty could ever erase that. Ilana studied me carefully.
“Are you sure about this child?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, still sobbing softly. Ilana sat down on the floor in front of me, taking my hand in hers.
