‘Okay, okay, enough description.’ He laughed. ‘You’ll have me feeling inadequate.’
Cleo doubted that very much.
‘Let’s just say he got over me pretty quickly. He dumped me after four dates and only a quick peck on the cheek each time, and by the time he was seventeen I think he’d dated most of the girls in the school. He was popular.’
‘Can I ask you a personal question?’
‘Go on.’
‘Why did you split up with your husband?’ He finished the dregs of his cappuccino.
She thought they’d moved on, but Dylan clearly wanted to know more details. ‘We didn’t want the same things.’ She wished she had more coffee to distract herself from the line of questioning.
‘Career wise?’
She shook her head.
‘Come on, you can tell me.’
She looked across the table at him. ‘He wanted to start a family.’
‘You didn’t?’
He may have tried to hide the look of surprise but Cleo didn’t miss it. It was the look most people had and was usually a conversation stopper.
She didn’t answer his question. ‘It ended up coming between us. He met someone else and we both went our separate ways.’
‘Can I ask why?’
‘I made it difficult for him to stay.’
‘No, not why he left. Why you didn’t want children?’
‘Not everyone does.’
‘You’re still avoiding the question.’
‘I just don’t, okay?’ She snapped because she got fed up of trying to justify her decision to outsiders, people she doubted would ever see it from her perspective. Sometimes she’d contemplated making something up like saying she’d gone through a drastic early menopause or that she had a medical condition that wouldn’t allow her to conceive, but she’d never wanted to lie to someone she was involved with. Her reasons were genuine and very real to her, but to others, like Aaron, they were excuses that seemed unreasonable and could be worked through. That way of thinking had led Aaron to marrying her and then being surprised when she didn’t change her mind about having a family.
‘What are you thinking?’ she asked him.
‘You are great with Ruby and Jacob. I’m just surprised, that’s all.’
‘And Ruby and Jacob are lovely. But I don’t generally gel with children, especially not babies. All those sleepless nights, nappies, tantrums. No, not for me.’ She could’ve said she absolutely hated kids and he’d have looked less appalled. For the first time in a long time she wished she had the courage to tell the truth, to tell this man why she never wanted to get pregnant and carry a child. It wasn’t an excuse, it was a reason. But no, it was easier to watch the shock on his face and have him like her that little bit less.
She was a coward.
Rita came over and said hello, asked them if they wanted more coffee, but even before Cleo could turn down the offer, Dylan spoke. ‘I’d better get going, see what Ruby’s made at this bear workshop.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Another cuddly toy to add to the ever-expanding collection.’ He took out his wallet and paid for the coffees.
When they left the café, Cleo shivered. There had been a light layer of frost on the pavements this morning and even though it had gone now and given way to dull yet clear skies, the temperature still begged the need to wear a coat or scarf. And she had neither because they’d only come from the store next door. And now, hovering outside with the no-children confession hanging between them, Cleo’s teeth were chattering. Dylan was nicely wrapped up in his coat, but he barely gave her a second thought when he thanked her for coming out with him.
‘It was good to see you,’ he said with an air of finality. Cleo knew she only had herself to blame.
‘Goodbye, Dylan.’
She turned and scurried back to the Little Knitting Box and didn’t look back. She didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face, not ever again.
‘Your guy is hot!’ Kaisha had waited for the handful of customers in the store to disperse, once they had what they needed, before she came out back where Cleo was making a cup of tea to warm herself up.
