‘You lost your dad.’
Her gaze snapped upwards locking with his. His words were like a thump into her chest. Not just because of the reminder, she hardly needed that, but because without having to tell him he seemed to have deduced that that was when things had really changed between Fern, Ginny and Daisy.
‘Shit happens.’ She shrugged.
He put an arm against her shoulder before she couldturn away to look for Ginny and hurry her along. ‘Don’t say that, don’t dismiss it. I’m lucky, I have both parents and a brother I get on with.’
‘Did you and Lucas always get on?’
‘We’ve had our moments.’ She watched him tip back his head to get another swig of beer, the stubble which crept further under his chin than she’d realised, but averted her eyes when his gaze lowered again. ‘When Lucassaid he was going away I was happy for him. I started to get my head around taking on the business solo. Then he said he was coming back, and I’ll admit it took some adjustment. I think what made it harder was that he wasn’t quite sure of himself when he first came home. He’d had a great time doing this career that was completely different, but here he was telling us all that he wanted to workback at the farm long-term.’
‘How did he prove he was serious?’
‘We sat down and had a really long talk after he’d been back in Butterbury a few months. By then his own doubts seemed to have lifted and I could tell he wanted to be here. And honestly? It felt good that I’d be taking over the business with my brother. We made proper plans, divided responsibilities, discussed our commitment andsaw that both of us really were in this. It sounds simple, but it gave me sleepless nights for a while.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘Look, I can’t pretend to understand what it was like for you three when your dad passed away, especially for you being the youngest.’
She was about to tell him that it was shit, terrible, the worst pain imaginable and the only thing equivalent would be losing someone elseshe loved. And the only thing worse than that, losing someone else without her sisters by her side.
‘I know you were going through a pretty bad time back then already,’ he said.
The whole village had likely been well aware of the mess Daisy had been in. She’d come home drunk enough times that it wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. Joshua had walked her home one evening after she’d been drinking inthe square with her so called friends. She’d always looked up to him, perhaps because she’d always liked him, and somehow she’d always got the feeling he understood her. That night he told her she needed to sort herself out and she’d laughedYes, sir!as he held her up and made her put one foot in front of the other. It was those instances that had really driven a wedge between Daisy and her sisters,who nagged her to pull her act together. The drinking had started well before losing her dad. After Harry died it hadn’t continued, she’d almost felt numb, she’d gone around the village as though she were a bit of a zombie, barely talking to anyone.
‘Losing Dad hit us like a thunderbolt.’ Just like all those years ago she found herself able to turn to Joshua. ‘He wasn’t sick, we had no time toprepare.’
‘I don’t think you ever can.’
Tears pooling in her eyes she looked up at him. ‘Up until the morning he died, I’d been horrible to him.’
‘What? I’m sure that’s not true. You should see me and my old man, I can be rude, so can he.’
Daisy shook her head and dug her thumbnail into the side of her finger as she made her admission. ‘This was different. I found something out about him.Something that I never told anybody else. I’d known for ages before that day.’
He must have put two and two together. ‘Is that why you were in such a mess?’
She nodded.
‘Daisy …’
Her name, said so softly on his lips had her closing her eyes to find the strength to explain to him, ‘That’s when I started slacking off a bit at school, hanging out with people who couldn’t care less about muchother than drinking and acting up. I was mean to Dad. But that morning, the day he died, was the first time we’d laughed together in a long while.’ She giggled remembering. ‘Ginny’s postcard from a ski trip landed on the doormat and her PS had the suggestion we do a family ski trip one day. Dad told me he didn’t see the fun in strapping your feet to two planks of wood and throwing yourself down amountain.’
Joshua laughed. ‘I must say the appeal isn’t there for me much either, I agree with Harry.’
She wished her dad were here now, almost as if he’d be able to urge her to give love a chance, let this man into her life more than she was managing to do. But something always held her back. ‘I tutted at his comment about the two planks of wood,’ she said. ‘I told him that skis were hardlyplanks of wood. He’d looked down at his everyday loafers, looked across at me and I can still remember his face when he said,Whatever, I’m not doing it.He’d had his briefcase in one hand, suit jacket slung over his arm and addedJust remember how my foray into roller skating went when you were seven.’ She told Joshua how Harry had once hired a pair of skates so he could accompany her aroundthe rink with the bigger kids. ‘He’d ended up falling on his arse half a dozen times, he was covered in bruises.Never again!he said on the way home.’
Joshua gave her hand a squeeze. ‘See, that’s a lovely memory to have of your dad – you laughing with him that day I mean, not the bruises on his arse.’
Daisy smiled. He was right. But the reality was, before that day she’d kept her dad at a distancefor what he’d done. She’d thrown herself into inappropriate friendships, gone out until all hours, avoided being at home or near him so she didn’t have to play a part in any of the deceit. And in doing so she’d forgotten how much she loved his company.
Her voice wobbled when she admitted to Joshua, ‘I never gave him the opportunity to prove that he was more than his mistakes, still the dad Iadored, still the dad I always thought he was. Because less than eight hours after he’d left her that day, he was dead.’ A gasp escaped and shocked her, she hadn’t expected all this to come out tonight, to Joshua, and somewhere so public.
He pulled her to him and she buried her face in his jumper as he held her long enough to comfort her, not so long they would draw any attention from peoplearound them.
‘I almost took off when he died,’ she told him. ‘I wanted to go far, far away and never look back. I’ve thought about it more than once.’ She looked at him, registered the uneasiness he had now. ‘God, I’m sorry.’ She sniffed, blew out her cheeks, recovered. ‘Right, enough of this misery, can wepleasetalk about something else.’
He smiled and obliged by asking her about her lastcamping trip to Northumberland and when she suggested he go some time he said, ‘I will if I get the chance. But life on the farm is full time, my life is here in Butterbury.’
