‘I’ve done it before, but I know when to stop.’
The way he said it endeared him to her. He was much more mature than any of the boys she’d met at university. He sounded in control, like he knew what he wanted.
They talked about her studies and his, the fact that he’d finished university and had already started a graduate job working for a tech company.
‘Off they go again…’ She watched his friends gearing up for the next challenge.
‘They don’t like to lose. Neither do I.’ When she felt his hands on her waist it sent a shudder of pleasure right through her. He whispered in her ear, ‘Let’s get out of here.’
What had happened to that guy she’d met at the pub, the one who was mature and charming rather than controlling and manipulative? Or had he always been like that and she just hadn’t seen it? He’d told her that night that he didn’t like to lose, and that was Perry all over. He liked to win. At everything. The guy from the pub had gone and in his place was a man she recognised less and less as the years went on.
Margot’s coping mechanisms to deal with Perry’s behaviour varied. She kept a nice house, she was a dutiful wife, she kept everything and everyone organised. And that was the way it had been ever since they got married. But over time she’d given up friendships and her independence with every questioning glance and phrase he threw her way. Sometimes losing herself in the pages of a book was the biggest and best escape of all. She fell for heroes in a novel and became a part of the characters’ lives, relationships and situations, instead of facing her own dismal reality that she didn’t know how to get out of.
Margot had hoped Howard might be early on the Zoom session again tonight, but it was Faye, their host, who appeared first in a little rectangle with her name at the bottom corner. Her gaze was upwards as if she might be moving her computer mouse around to do something on her screen as she waited for the connection, but she waved at Margot and Margot waved back. She might not see friends in person any more, but book club was a weekly salvation that somehow kept her going.
‘Hey!’ Faye had the most interesting backdrop. It looked like she was sitting in a grass area, perhaps a garden, and the sun was definitely shining on the other side of the world.
Another rectangle on the Zoom session appeared, this time with Howard’s face filling it.
‘Howard, we can’t hear you.’ Faye’s lips exaggerated each word for the man you couldn’t help but adore. Her gaze went down and presumably she was sending him a message on the platform. He did this often. Sometimes he forgot the video, but usually he was on mute.
‘Better?’ he asked moments later, his voice now loud and clear.
‘Perfect!’ Faye, all Aussie-tanned and bright-eyed made Margot feel every bit of her forty-nine years. She’d never really felt that flourish of youth she should have had at university and in the years afterwards.
Faye looked confident, in control, happy when she asked, ‘How are we this week?’
Another two members – Sarah and then Joel – appeared, eighty-one-year-old Sarah doing the same as Howard, and Faye repeating her prompts to switch on the microphone. Joel, fifty-two, always looked so serious but as soon as he spoke his face transformed and it was obvious he was as friendly as the rest of them.
They were still waiting for Winston to join if he was coming this week, so with a few minutes to go, just like on other weeks, they had a brief catch-up. When it was her turn Margot talked about her recent FaceTime with her youngest son, Alistair, who was doing a teaching degree apprenticeship. She gave them the latest on her eldest son, Sebastian, who was a ski instructor and went wherever the job took him. She didn’t let on to any of the other book club attendees that both boys clashed with their dad so much that they put themselves at a physical distance she hated. Neither of her boys liked being in the family home any more and who could blame them? Margot could only blame herself.
She wished she’d been able to make things different for her sons. She’d thought about leaving her marriage over the years and Perry knew it, because more than once he’d dropped snarky comments about her being reliant on him and unemployable with no skills. He’d told her that she wouldn’t be able to afford anything like their lifestyle on her own, that if she left she’d soon come crawling back. Margot had found it easier to stay than it was to ever try to walk out. But she was going to turn fifty on her next birthday. Was she really going to accept that this was it for the rest of her life?
Howard told them all about the walk he’d done at the weekend with his wife, Bonnie, on a short section of the coastal path near where they lived, with its spectacular views along the Jurassic Coast. What Margot would give to be there now. Her house and its proximity to London was great in some ways – close to airports for their holidays, good schools when the boys had needed them – but lately it felt more stifling than ever to be so close to the capital.
‘How’s the bookshop?’ Joel asked Howard.
‘Are you still being badgered into selling?’ Sarah asked before Howard had a chance to respond to Joel.
Howard gave a slight nod. ‘I’ve had another visit from a suit. They weren’t successful with their bid to buy the shop. I was, so you’d think they would move on to something else. I can’t say I enjoy them coming in so often. I feel like they see me as an old man who will give up eventually.’
‘You could threaten to call the police,’ said Margot, worried about Howard. He was in his seventies and she had visions of heavies going into his beloved bookshop and continuing to up the financial incentive for him to get out until he got so sick of it he had no choice. And that would be incredibly sad. He was a cheery soul as it was but since he’d taken on the bookshop he’d got even more of a metaphoric spring in his step and seemed to have found his calling in retirement.
‘They’re not doing anything wrong,’ said Howard. ‘I just hope they get tired of it. I know I’ve had enough.’
Faye frowned. ‘Don’t be pushed into something you don’t want to do, Howard.’
‘I promise I won’t.’
‘And keep us updated,’ said Margot.
‘I promise to do that too.’
‘How are sales going?’ Faye asked. She was always good at jollying the conversation along, whether it was a personal chat like this or about a specific book.
‘It’s going like gangbusters.’ His remark brought a smile to everyone’s faces. He clearly had no regrets about taking the shop on six months ago. Margot only wished she had his courage and could make such a major change in her own life.
Talk moved on to Faye when Howard asked, ‘How is your dad finding it back here in Dorset?’ Her dad had apparently swapped the Sunshine Coast of Queensland, Australia to come to England to be closer to his brother in West Lulworth two months ago.
